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I think some of us had no idea what you were talking about until you posted this. I didn't know you had started another post and that this one was a continuation of it. I was trying to figure it out through all these posts so it might have been a good idea to state this at the beginning to give us some context.
Thanks. That's a very fair criticism, and I accept it completely. I definitely should have included that at the beginning of the post, as CD is very large, and there are many who may not have come across my previous thread. Good observation.
I am an atheist and don't care about this pastor nor live in his state.
But guys tend to be visual and women tend to be emotional.
So for a happy marriage women should try to stay in shape and look attractive and men should give the love and emotional support women need. I see a lot of couples doing the opposite. Often leads to divorces.
Really a no brainer.
General tendencies, perhaps, yes, but there are always exceptions.
I pointed out in this thread and the last that I place a high value on attractiveness also. My husband and I both try to look good for each other.
I also have Asperger Syndrome (clinically diagnosed) so I'm hyper-logical and tend to lack cognitive empathy, a key emotional facet most women (and even many neurotypical men) tend to have. I like constructive criticism, as shown in my above reply to a person who had some good criticism for something I missed. If someone has a great point, I don't take it emotionally and like the logical correction. But if someone is going through something emotionally I can't relate to, I can't emotionally put myself in their shoes. I can have affective empathy and have sympathy and compassion if the situation calls for it, but I cannot put myself in their perspective emotionally. I can't read minds or mentalize other people's states like women and even many neurotypical males can. So I'm emotionally quite crippled, especially for a woman.
Thanks. That's a very fair criticism, and I accept it completely. I definitely should have included that at the beginning of the post, as CD is very large, and there are many who may not have come across my previous thread. Good observation.
Thank you for accepting the post in the manner it was given. I'm not a regular on the Psychology forum but sometimes an interesting post will show up in "New Posts" and it opens up a thread to me that I wasn't aware of, just like in this case.
I like what you said about both you and your husband caring about looking good for each other. You both look very well suited to each other and the photo you posted is lovely. Wishing you many happy years together. Hope the cake was delicious
Love you wedding photo and the cake was a work of art! Do you guys play basketball?
Thanks! Husband isn't into traditional team sports, but does like martial arts and working out in general. I played basketball for a number of years, both in rec leagues as a young girl, and then pickup ball at the Y. Nowadays, I just do treadmill and weightlifting at the health club he's a member of. It doesn't have a basketball gym, so no basketball for me the last few years. We take whatever physical fitness we can get these days, now that I'm in my upper thirties and he's in his mid forties.
I live in MO. I'm in conservative culture. My husband isn't conservative, but the churches I've been to often are.
I'm aware of things like this. That's why I have threads dealing with sexuality, men, women, and the different views people have.
You have to understand, when in this kind of cultural context, how challenging it is to be a visual woman. Pastors think this is only a male thing. And males have authority. So if men are shallow, it doesn't matter, because they have the authority.
What do we do when women are also visual? In this kind of culture, they deny we exist. It's only a male thing.
In another kind of culture, women get assailed for being shallow. We're told we're not special or unique for having physical or visual sexual attraction.
And yet these men in authority teach that women cannot possibly be this way.
When you live in Missouri, and you're in this kind of culture -- this is what we get inundated with.
Do you understand now?
Just when I think we are really living in a new century, and that it's 2021, I see something like this. If I were in a church service and the pastor starting talking like this, I would stand up, say something out loud to him about his misplaced values and misogyny and LOUDLY walk out.
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