Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You already tried separation and nearly divorced, as written in your earlier threads. Then it seemed you mysteriously reconciled. WHY? You don’t have to tell us—you should ask yourself that question instead. Maybe it will help you figure out a way to end this infinite loop of emotional abuse. Because that IS what he is doing to you.
We reconciled at the end of April 2020 because I was having a hard time coping in isolation alone. At that point I had already lost 40 lbs from not eating (or not eating enough) and not sleeping. He said he would help me. He helped by being there. My weight loss slowed and with the help of guided meditation, eventually I slept through the night.
We reconciled at the end of April 2020 because I was having a hard time coping in isolation alone. At that point I had already lost 40 lbs from not eating (or not eating enough) and not sleeping. He said he would help me. He helped by being there. My weight loss slowed and with the help of guided meditation, eventually I slept through the night.
Try to get him to go to counseling as a couple. If he won’t do it, well...a pet will be there for you and it won’t withhold your mail. And you can still meditate.
I agree, though I'm at a loss to know what kind of doctor. When we were on the verge of a divorce, I had him go see a psychologist. He had five or six sessions but that did no good. He claimed the therapist told him there was nothing wrong with him. I doubt very much the therapist would have said that if my spouse had been truthful about his issues. That's another problem: He lies. I believe he told the therapist he was only upset about his wife leaving him.
All psychiatrists are good for these days is medication and he will never agree to taking meds.
If he has the beginnings of dementia he probably needs to see a neurologist or a gerontologist.
And you need to get a PO Box. And change your address everywhere. Go pick up your mail every few days.
My sister has dementia, and I don’t live there but I get phone calls two or three times a day from her. And it’s a process of learning how to manage her even though I am 3000 miles away. She appears to enjoy stirring up drama, she’s bored so she stirs up drama, and she’s confabulating to create drama. I’m learning how to not react to her when she does this BS.
And here’s the thing once I get really good at it, she’ll stop doing that and start on something else I have to figure out. That’s the world of dementia. You just kind of have to outthink the other person which you would think would be easy. Let me tell ya, not.
And here’s the thing once I get really good at it, she’ll stop doing that and start on something else I have to figure out. That’s the world of dementia. You just kind of have to outthink the other person which you would think would be easy. Let me tell ya, not.
I am 67, he is 70. During the last year my spouse has been Johnny-on-the-spot in getting the mail. I have asked if I could go fetch the mail instead but he always has an excuse why he has to do it.
Recently I discovered he had been withholding a letter from the California Department of Tax and Fee Administration. I sell online, so I had a seller's permit for California, which at the time was still our legal residence. CDTFA collects sales tax from permit holders like me. He had had this letter for a FULL YEAR before I ever saw it. Meanwhile I was getting emailed threats from the CDTFA. They were telling me if they didn't hear from me they would fine me $5,000 for every sale I made online. I had many sleepless nights.
That wasn't all.
He uses our guest house/casita as a sort of clubhouse even while he lives in the main house with me. I was over in the casita and noticed a letter in my mother's handwriting. It was a birthday card and he had been sitting on it for 7 months. "I was wondering what that card said," he remarked. I doubt he would have ever given it to me.
There's a fifteen foot long table in the casita completely covered with stacks of mail and papers. Junk everywhere. I've known for a long time he was a hoarder. I've told him I'm going to go through every stack when we return to Scottsdale.
What kind of mental dysfunction makes a person think that stealing someone else's mail to hoard is perfectly sane and reasonable?
Hoarding disorder is generally described as a type of OCD but it has its own separate diagnosis and people do sometimes hoard other people's things.
I’m sorry for you too. Do you know losing my husband from first seizure to last was 10 months two weeks and one day. I did a lot of dancing, trying to figure out what was going on. By the time he got the diagnosis of a glioblastoma brain tumor I actually felt relief because, thank heavens, I had an answer. Which sounds truly horrible but it’s the truth.
That didn’t last long just a few seconds until I realized it this was absolutely a terminal diagnosis. There’s no getting out of that, there’s no cure.
Dementia is very much like that. You are guided on a path to follow. And I am sure if he gets a diagnosis of dementia you will have to be included because he’s got dementia he can’t possibly tend for himself. You will be his caretaker.
You state he has always been this way so it’s not likely it’s dementia. Now that people are vaccinated if you don’t have friends join some meetup groups and meet people. This is a horrible way to spend your remaining years. Definitely seek counseling to help you gain strength to change your situation.
Garner a PO Box specifically for your important mail.
as for the Other MALE , I'd find a doctor and get him on medication or therapy.
I agree. Obtain yourself a legal mailbox at a UPS mailbox store or other mailbox service. They can sign for legal documents and packages. Also, they can alert you when something arrives; you don't have to drive down and check the mail anymore.
His doctor should be using the Montreal Cognitive Assessment at least once a year and order a brain scan if necessary.
I think I also mentioned to you earlier that he sounds like a passive-aggressive personality.
Best of luck to you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Solly says — Be nice!
