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Oh sure, there are many types of abuse, some that are a lot more obvious than others.
Narcissistic abuse is one of the much more "invisible" types of abuse that many may not notice in someone unless they know about narcissism. That's the kind of abuse that often happens behind closed doors. I know physical abuse often does too, but w/ that there are bruises, etc. as a result of it. Narc abuse sufferers don't show it outwardly. It's all internally unless they tell someone & even then, many may not understand it.
For sure. You can be in it, and not even realize it. I was twice. The first time I was newly out the parental abode and just thought, "Oh he really likes me! Wants to spend 24/7 with me and doesn't need any of his own friends." Nor did I have any friends, and barely realized it.
Second time, I got out of there. I didn't even hear the word "abuse" until a counselor used it for them. Part of the narcissistic personality.
There's another reason some people stay in an abusive household. They feel responsible for protecting the younger children or family pet.
Some people stay because as long as they are being abused the abuser doesn't abuse anyone else in the family. I've known several women who never left until the children got hit.
In homes where the abuse is physical it is actually easier to recognize the abuse and leave than when the abuse is emotional. I think people can get confused by emotional abuse. Especially if it's periodical and interspersed with periods of good behavior.
That will really reinforce the relationship and is classic behavioral conditioning.. Hit you and bring you roses and kisses the next day. It trains the subconscious that there is a reward after the abuse and the conscious that the abuser didn't really mean it. Crazy-making.
(I don't mean to imply by my examples that the abuser is always male.)
I do agree with the OP that there are degrees of abuse and there are times when changes can be made between couples that can alleviate the behaviors. Sometimes it's as simple as learning new communication skills.
I have seen those lists they sometimes hand out to women in counseling which seem to cover every possible mistake another can make in a relationship out of ignorance or reinforced bad habit from family of origin. Being a victim can range all the way from life-threatening situations to having your feelings hurt in today's culture.
People in seriously damaging situations do need to understand that they are being abused. Sometimes that takes a while. But in every victim's life, after intervention, there comes a point when the decision must be made to refuse to wear the label any more. This is what I see frequently today. An overuse by some groups and individuals on and on forever, amen. Well, it works so good.
Is it a media driven thing?
There's no shame in being a victim but I have a timer for patience for those who hold on to the role. If you have help then at some point it's self-destructive to continue to cry "Victimization!"
We all have a responsibility to ourselves to do the work (once we know what it is) to step up and to elevate ourselves to protect our spirits and bodies from people who try to victimize us.
The world is going to hurt you sometimes and so are your loved ones. In fact one of the things I taught my kids was that if you love you are sometimes going to hurt. In fact your heart may break a time or two. It's all about degree and intention.
The rest of that lesson for my kids is that when your heart breaks it makes more room to love again. Many of the kindest people I know have been broken.
I don't know if taking someone's ATM card away and keeping them from using it is "financial abuse," but it's certainly theft. And people often don't leave any type of abusive situation because they can't. "Just leave" is hard to do if you've been financially dependent and you don't have the money to pay first and last months' rent and a security deposit. Instead of asking why the abused person doesn't leave, we should be asking, why doesn't the abuser stop abusing?
The big secret is that behind some abusers' mask of power and control is extreme dependency on someone to wield that power and control over. You can't see it but they desperately need their victim to define who they, themselves are. This type of abuser is prone to, besides harming someone else, committing suicide if he is left.
That threat of suicide is also another hook that keeps his partner connected.
It seems like so many things are seen as 'abusive' these days. Obviously there's physical abuse, i see a lot about verbal abuse and emotional abuse as well. None of these things are right but is it considered abuse if couples fight and someone yells? Is it abusive if in the parent/child relationship the parent yells? My mom and I used to have fights when I was a teen that got physical...she often started it. I could never imagine treating my kids that way.
I was watching the show , the Maid and the main girl in it said she was experiencing financial abuse because she was living with her boyfriend and he took her atm card and she had no job. I had never heard of financial abuse..but i cant help but feel like anyone in that situation should have just left or said give me my Mod cut. atm card or gotten a job...continuing to stay and calling it financial abuse while the other person does, provides for you and you don't work isnt exactly abusive. If you are told you cannot get a job or have access to money then I can see some abuse there...but it's up to you to leave.
I've also noticed on reddit forums when a woman writes in saying her partner yelled or got angry she is told to leave. When the man writes in and says his partner/wife yells or gets angry over things he is told she needs therapy. Why should the man not leave the angry woman but the woman should automatically leave the angry man? I wouldn't want to stay with an angry person...but sometimes when you get married and have kids you kind of have to try and work it out...at least I think you should.
Anyways, relationships arent always easy...it seems as time goes on more and more is less acceptable. I do sometimes yell at my kids and i feel bad after...but sometimes that's the only way they'll listen.
The term abuse has been used to describe anything a person does that another person doesn't like.
If a person smokes marijuana or drinks alcohol they're abusing drugs, this is what people say that don't want you to do those things. If somebody says cruel things to somebody or berates them they are verbally abusing them.
The reason why the word abuse has been used this way is because there is a such thing as abusing drugs really it's not abusing drugs it's abusing yourself. There is a such thing as verbal abuse.
For example if you drink yourself into a stupor everyday because you can't bear the thought of being sober that self-abuse I don't consider it drug abuse. If you berate a child and tell them they're stupid and they won't amount to anything they should be ashamed of themselves and that sort of thing for not doing anything wrong that's verbal abuse.
People who co-opt this term to describe things that aren't actually abuse diminish that.
No one has to put up with anything they don't like. But to say that anything one person in a relationship does that the other doesn't like is abuse seems like a bit of a stretch.
What a wife doesn't like it when her husband drinks coffee of soda ? Is the husband abusing his wife by continuing to do these things ?
What the husband works a lot and the wife doesn't like it? Is this also abuse ?
I could go on. These just seem like relationship issues to me. Not abuse.
No one has to put up with anything they don't like. But to say that anything one person in a relationship does that the other doesn't like is abuse seems like a bit of a stretch.
What a wife doesn't like it when her husband drinks coffee of soda ? Is the husband abusing his wife by continuing to do these things ?
What the husband works a lot and the wife doesn't like it? Is this also abuse ?
I could go on. These just seem like relationship issues to me. Not abuse.
Don't tell me what to do with my kids. If they don't listen they will hear a raised voice.
Wow. Sounds like you're a real treat to live with your accusations.
I am certain they are - and parents that know you to be parents and are NOT abusive. My parents didn't only raise their voice, but had the yard stick and wooden spoon and knew how to use it. And THAT is the problem today - a bunch of cry babies thinking that a raised voice is abuse. You want to know what abuse is? Become a police officer and see it for real.
I am certain they are - and parents that know you to be parents and are NOT abusive. My parents didn't only raise their voice, but had the yard stick and wooden spoon and knew how to use it. And THAT is the problem today - a bunch of cry babies thinking that a raised voice is abuse. You want to know what abuse is? Become a police officer and see it for real.
No one has to put up with anything they don't like. But to say that anything one person in a relationship does that the other doesn't like is abuse seems like a bit of a stretch.
What a wife doesn't like it when her husband drinks coffee of soda ? Is the husband abusing his wife by continuing to do these things ?
What the husband works a lot and the wife doesn't like it? Is this also abuse ?
I could go on. These just seem like relationship issues to me. Not abuse.
I agree. The term is used way too casually. Just like DEPRESSED, thats another one. I am DEPRESSED because my coffee was cold this morning.
My ex was a dick. He did not treat me well. I was too stupid to get out. I could say he ABUSED me. As soon as you drop the term ABUSE, everyone has empathy.
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