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Yes, i am in the process of finding a therapist if i can find one that will answer their damn phone but anyway...
I don't really love myself but I am trying. I struggle to stand up for myself and I am an overly sensitive person. I am trying to develop thicker skin but doing so is extremely tough. This makes developing friendships and relationships tough and is something i suck at.
Have you gotten to the point where you love yourself ? Why is it so hard?
its hard because society is corrupt and human beings are conditioned to fit into it...so they tend to become corrupt as they go along with society. You have to be psychologically unconditioned to society to actually be lovable, by yourself or others. This means that you have to have a great sense of care and not callousness despite a callous society. You cant dissolve yourself into sports. You have to keep that stuff on a leash and take time to observe the world around you. You have to allow yourself to be dissatisfied instead of looking for all kinds of distractions and funneling that dissatisfaction into sports. its important to stand alone and look for things that have some value. You have to stand alone and process the reality of living in a corrupt outward society. Through that processing, without as many distractions, you might come into a sense of love. If you have regrets that will be another barrier...memory and regret will throw images at you.
Since you said the word learn, what you need is a good teacher or at least a good model. A good model will show you how they maintain boundaries with others, self-motivation, and self-care. However, this only works if you have similar values.
Yes, i am in the process of finding a therapist if i can find one that will answer their damn phone but anyway...
I don't really love myself but I am trying. I struggle to stand up for myself and I am an overly sensitive person. I am trying to develop thicker skin but doing so is extremely tough. This makes developing friendships and relationships tough and is something i suck at.
Have you gotten to the point where you love yourself ? Why is it so hard?
I think one of the traps in self awareness is the kind of focus you place on yourself in contrast to the focus you place on others.
First of all, it's not that you don't love yourself at all. You are contemplating how to become more secure with who you are and probably how you can become a more confident person.
Self reflection is a difficult thing sometimes and I applaude it. It is also a sign that you DO love yourself, maybe more than you care to admit.
Most of us have a pretty good idea of what we want to achieve or do, but because the possibilities and difficulties are endless, we tend to lose focus on what is important.
What is important is not to be that ideal person. Rather it is to find what is it you don't like about yourself and not look at it in a judgmental way(like, oh I hate that I can't make conversation or that I have some more weight than I'd like).
Instead we have the ability to look at it in a more neutral or even positive light and make it our strength (for example someone who is generally shy has probably been so often in the "listener" role, that they know what people think of, or what a good conversation topic could be, but they are focused on that feeling of shame or shyness and can't bring themselves to be more proactive).
You will continue judging yourself for some time, and it is fine, but whenever you can, give yourself a pass, exactly how you would with other people. We all need time, and we have it thankfully. The only prerequisite for life is to live. The rest are just our goals and motives, wishes that others or ourselves have made into reasons to not be content with our lives.
Be happy and take care of yourself.
What makes it easier for you to open up your thoughts here rather than with other people up close?
Yes, i am in the process of finding a therapist if i can find one that will answer their damn phone but anyway...
I don't really love myself but I am trying. I struggle to stand up for myself and I am an overly sensitive person. I am trying to develop thicker skin but doing so is extremely tough. This makes developing friendships and relationships tough and is something i suck at.
Have you gotten to the point where you love yourself ? Why is it so hard?
Please look up HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). It might help you, a lot!
I think one of the traps in self awareness is the kind of focus you place on yourself in contrast to the focus you place on others.
First of all, it's not that you don't love yourself at all. You are contemplating how to become more secure with who you are and probably how you can become a more confident person.
Self reflection is a difficult thing sometimes and I applaude it. It is also a sign that you DO love yourself, maybe more than you care to admit.
Most of us have a pretty good idea of what we want to achieve or do, but because the possibilities and difficulties are endless, we tend to lose focus on what is important.
What is important is not to be that ideal person. Rather it is to find what is it you don't like about yourself and not look at it in a judgmental way(like, oh I hate that I can't make conversation or that I have some more weight than I'd like).
Instead we have the ability to look at it in a more neutral or even positive light and make it our strength (for example someone who is generally shy has probably been so often in the "listener" role, that they know what people think of, or what a good conversation topic could be, but they are focused on that feeling of shame or shyness and can't bring themselves to be more proactive).
You will continue judging yourself for some time, and it is fine, but whenever you can, give yourself a pass, exactly how you would with other people. We all need time, and we have it thankfully. The only prerequisite for life is to live. The rest are just our goals and motives, wishes that others or ourselves have made into reasons to not be content with our lives.
Be happy and take care of yourself.
What makes it easier for you to open up your thoughts here rather than with other people up close?
I don't know. Maybe it is because I don't have any close friends and even if I did i would be afraid they would distance themselves from me.
I don't know. Maybe it is because I don't have any close friends and even if I did i would be afraid they would distance themselves from me.
So you kind of distance yourself (by blocking yourself from opening up) in order to save yourself from the feeling of being rejected?
This is something a lot of people do, including me. It is kind of self-defeating though. You know how many times I've made the first move and didn't get reciprocation? Ohoooo I've lost count. The thing is though, the feeling of NOT being open is much worse than the feeling of getting rejected.
Closing off yourself, although understandable at times, is something you have to slowly get outside of your system. It may have protected you at times, but obviously since you have started to question it yourself, it's time to open up a bit. Step by step. Like you are doing here.
Believe me even this conversation we are having is interesting for a lot of people. Of course you won't go around from day one showering others with conversations about how you feel like it's difficult to get friends or to love yourself.
And not every day either. But sometimes yes. Sometimes we need to open up and discuss our ideas. We are not always the smartest, we are not always the happiest, the most confident, the saddest. We can talk for hours here, and it may help a bit with your motivation.
But you know what will help the most?
Go out and show yourself. You may fail, you may succeed, but most of all be proud that you try.
So you kind of distance yourself (by blocking yourself from opening up) in order to save yourself from the feeling of being rejected?
This is something a lot of people do, including me. It is kind of self-defeating though. You know how many times I've made the first move and didn't get reciprocation? Ohoooo I've lost count. The thing is though, the feeling of NOT being open is much worse than the feeling of getting rejected.
Closing off yourself, although understandable at times, is something you have to slowly get outside of your system. It may have protected you at times, but obviously since you have started to question it yourself, it's time to open up a bit. Step by step. Like you are doing here.
Believe me even this conversation we are having is interesting for a lot of people. Of course you won't go around from day one showering others with conversations about how you feel like it's difficult to get friends or to love yourself.
And not every day either. But sometimes yes. Sometimes we need to open up and discuss our ideas. We are not always the smartest, we are not always the happiest, the most confident, the saddest. We can talk for hours here, and it may help a bit with your motivation.
But you know what will help the most?
Go out and show yourself. You may fail, you may succeed, but most of all be proud that you try.
Thank you. I guess I need to stop being afraid of getting hurt.
Do you have a family history of lack of support, or emotional abuse or emotional abandonment? That could be why; maybe you didn't get much love as a child, so you thought you weren't lovable.
A therapist might help you uncover the roots of your lack of self-esteem and help you heal whatever wounds you may have, while also discussing ways to stand up for yourself, and draw boundaries.
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