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Whenever someone tells me something useful, I just say thank you.
If they try to send me somewhere I chose not to go, I just say no thank you.
IE: Employee tells me I can use the self checkout, instead of waiting in a regular
checkout. Depending on my current situation, I'll say (no) thank you.
But be nice about.
My local Wally self checkout doesn't accept cash anymore. Or at least that's how they
have them set up. So if you want to pay by cash you need to go to the regular checkouts.
I let the "shift" manager(s) know that is really stupid to do. The self checkouts work
fairly well. Only minor issues when an item failed to scan, or fix a double scan.
How someone treats the unasked-for opinion of a stranger is hardly a reliable indicator of how someone responds to a "friend" or "intimate" but feel free to smear away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
You seem to be forgetting the OP's wailing about how "No one tells ME what to do!!!!"
Pretty much a giveaway about his general attitude.
Eh...just an easy shortcut to judge an individual's entire existence by a single incident toward a stranger, outside his home, etc., etc. Ever hear of using "heuristics" - yes, people are very lazy in making assumptions.
Reeks of people who think that because someone doesn't return a cart to the corral (the one time they've observed) it's tantamount to him being a hurry to go home to beat his wife.
You don't ask a woman out again after twice she's told you "no" ... you don't offer "help" multiple times when someone has indicated they are fine as is.
If someone gives unwanted advice and the other declines, the advice giver can see refusal as a 'challenge' to the validity of the advice and take offense. The next step is "But I know I'm right about my advice, why don't you think I'm right? Are you telling me I'm wrong?" You were just minding your own business and now you're in combat with someone with a wrong-headed idea of what being helpful means.
In the OP those exact words weren't spoken, but they don't have to be. Body language and tone of voice speak loudly enough.
Once is suggestion, twice is pressure, thrice is harassment.
There is a certain over familiarity that can turn into disrespect when a stranger approaches you. I noticed Europeans are much less tolerant of familiarity. They leave people alone and they don't smile. In America we give personal space, in Asia not so much.
The guy in the store felt safe to talk to the OP. You can take it negatively, that the one spoken to is encroached upon. Or you can take it positively, that the OP is approachable. People talk to him because he doesn't look mean. In that case practicing a glare and a hard face might discourage some people.
If someone gives unwanted advice and the other declines, the advice giver can see refusal as a 'challenge' to the validity of the advice and take offense. The next step is "But I know I'm right about my advice, why don't you think I'm right? Are you telling me I'm wrong?" You were just minding your own business and now you're in combat with someone with a wrong-headed idea of what being helpful means.
In the OP those exact words weren't spoken, but they don't have to be. Body language and tone of voice speak loudly enough.
Stay in your own lane.
But you were the one upset. You were the one ready for a fight. You admitted to your own feeling of anger and aggression.
Not the advice giver.
You need to look in the mirror on this one.
If someone gives unwanted advice and the other declines, the advice giver can see refusal as a 'challenge' to the validity of the advice and take offense. The next step is "But I know I'm right about my advice, why don't you think I'm right? Are you telling me I'm wrong?" You were just minding your own business and now you're in combat with someone with a wrong-headed idea of what being helpful means.
In the OP those exact words weren't spoken, but they don't have to be. Body language and tone of voice speak loudly enough.
Stay in your own lane.
Not EVERYONE would consider ANY advice and/or ALL advice as "unwanted" advice. As you can see by some responses in this thread, some had no idea that they could pay for a single item at Starbucks. So, they were grateful to hear from a stranger that they had another option.
And yes, SOME people might take offense to others not heeding their advice the FIRST time they offered it. But that's on THEM, and not *you*. Still no reason to become 'combative' about it.
As a general rule for me, I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. A simple, "Oh, I didn't know that. I may try that next time, thanks!" should suffice. If they suggest again, I simply rinse and repeat. If they try again, I usually ignore any further attempts (even if they start to become insulting).
Once is suggestion, twice is pressure, thrice is harassment.
There is a certain over familiarity that can turn into disrespect when a stranger approaches you. I noticed Europeans are much less tolerant of familiarity. They leave people alone and they don't smile. In America we give personal space, in Asia not so much.
The guy in the store felt safe to talk to the OP. You can take it negatively, that the one spoken to is encroached upon. Or you can take it positively, that the OP is approachable. People talk to him because he doesn't look mean. In that case practicing a glare and a hard face might discourage some people.
I don't automatically see twice as "pressure". After all, people can and do misunderstand what's being conveyed the first time. Hence, the reason why I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. After that, if I know (s)he's been clear, and *I've* been clear, that (s)he continues, THEN I see it as 'pressure'.
I was in line at the self-checkout waiting to pay for a single carton of ice cream. The guy ahead of me saw my one item and suggested "You can pay for a single item at the Starbucks upfront."
I declined, partly because I don't know if anyone is even working at the coffee stand, and partly because I tend to bristle at the idea of being told what to do. The guy insisted: "No, really, I do it all the time with just one item...blah blah."
It was just one step away from turning into an ugly argument about who-knows-what's-best-for-who. Fortunately, the guy backed off and shut up.
Whoa, I am glad I don't run into people like you at my local grocery stores! And he wasn't "telling you what to do" -- he was making a suggestion that he thought would be helpful. Are you really such an angry person that you didn't even see that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan
The guy was just trying to offer a helpful suggestion to you and you were about to turn it into an argument?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog
I am glad you did not go off on him. The gentleman was trying to be helpful.
^^^ Both of those!
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy64
It's no wonder there is so much violence in public on video today. Why do people do this kind of crap? Can't anyone mind their own G.D. business?
So a stranger makes a suggestion to you, which you didn't want (OK, that's fine) ... and somehow in your mind that could be enough to cause a VIOLENT confrontation?!
Do you really not realize that that says SO much more about YOU than about the friendly stranger?
at least your annoying nosy body was another customerl
I was in line when an employee kept telling me to go to the self checkout register. I kept saying no thank you I want to be in this line thank you anyway. But that wasn't enough for this idiot he kept coming to me telling me to go to the self checkout.
That man drove me nuts he wouldn't shut and then finally he comes out with Ma'am there is no need to be afraid of the self-checkout. I yelled this time back at him I'm not afraid of it I just choose not to ust it stop pestering me. I was so close to going to the courtesy to ask for a manager when I realized he was the manager for the self checkout line.
I found out they get paid more money for helping or being in charge of the self checkout lines. Well they do practically nothing. They don't help bag anything they only just help with any glitches the register makes and that requires a simple scan of their card and punch in a few keypad numbers. Big whoop.
Now recently I had a problem with a lazy cashier in another store who refused to put one carton of eggs into my plastic bag and one loaf of bread into another one of my plastic bags. The store manager claims they give the choice to help bag to the cashier. I walked out of there pissed and I felt I was being lied to. I brough my own large, insulated bags that I bagged all items, even heavy, myself but she can refuse to bag those two light items while I went to get my card to pay for my groceries. What a shame because I saw other cashiers bagging with the customers. I think they want people to pay to use their bags and that cashier is lazy. If I go back I'm going to look and see if they have self checkout registers and make a stink if they don't since we now have to bag everything ourselves why pay for a cashier.
The clerks I see working the self checkout are pretty much constantly on the go. There's always someone needing assistance. The machine questions people using their own bag, it's insisting on ID. for alcohol, it won't read a barcode, it won't accept your club number and that's the only way to get a sale price, someone hits the wrong button... In my area they are usually hustling. I have had them scan my items and even bag for me if happen to shop at a slow time.
As for leaving the line to pay at the Starbucks....hah! By the time I got there two or three people would have managed to step up to the counter in front of me. At least one would not know what they wanted and take an excessive amount of time discussing their options.
I just say "okay, thanks."
If they repeat, I'll change to "No thanks."
Then I just say it, in the exact same pleasantly neutral tone (that really creeps people out) as often as they urge the change.
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