I'm ashamed to say that I was bullied and I never told anyone. (parent, girls)

[DCT2019]

I am 24 years old.

Bullying is something I dealt with for the majority of my upbringing. It started to get really bad around 5th grade and it continued all the way through high school.

It was bad. I was constantly teased, mistreated, and humiliated. I've been called names, slurs, intentionally disrespected, I've been mocked, excluded, I've had objects thrown at me, etc. It was also physical.

I had a boy in 5th grade kick me in the back during lunch time. In 6th grade I had another boy push me down the hallway. In 7th grade a girl sitting behind me put lotion in her hand and smacked me on the side of the face. There have been other instances of physical bullying but these incidents stand out to me the most.

Not only was I being bullied in school, but I was also dealing with it at home.

I have an older cousin who used to pick on me growing up.

This started when he was around 14. I was 11 at the time.

Every time he would come over he would pick on me. It was both verbal and physical.

Oftentimes this would go on under my older siblings watch who were both 18 and 20 at the time.

They NEVER intervened, they never stood up for me, and they never told him to stop.

They would allow him to get away with this. To make matters worse, my sister would get mad at me and put the blame on me and tell me, "YOU NEED TO STOP ACTING LIKE A LITTLE B&TCH!"

I felt powerless. I couldn't really defend myself. I was too intimidated. He was 3 years older than me and he was bigger than me. This made it more difficult. There were times where I tried to fight back but he would overpower me.

I hate to admit that I never told anyone about the bullying I was enduring. I never reported it. I never told my parents and I never told any teachers.

I was too ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I was being bullied. And I felt like if I would've admitted it that it could've made matters worse.

If I would've told them I thought that they would look down on me and think I was weak.

If I would've told them all what was going on I thought they would be very disappointed and even scold me for not fighting back or standing up for myself.

My sister did this exact thing when my cousin was bullying me.

This is why I kept it to myself.

I just ignored the bullying, I endured it, I just put up with it. I would allow the bullies to get away with what they were doing to me.

I was too afraid to fight back and defend myself. There have been plenty of times where I should've done this, but I didn't have it in me.

Still to this day I have a hard time standing up for myself and asserting myself when people mistreat me.

I've had instances at work with a coworker and my boss who have belittled me, picked on me, and disrespected me. Once again I never stood up for myself and I never told anyone.

I make myself a target. I keep going through life being a pushover; being a victim and allowing people to do me wrong.

This needs to change.

Sorry, I just wanted to get this off my chest.

[Parnassia]

Why are you ashamed? Millions of people have been bullied. Millions of these bullied people put the past to rest and changed their lives for the better. If you are having trouble doing so, help is available. If you are unwilling to consider getting help that will improve your quality of life, that would be a shame.

[Euskalherria]

They bullied you because you allowed it. And, before the lance-flammes start up, that is not blaming you in any manner at all. The blame lies squarely at the feet of those who say garbage like "walk away", "be the better person", "turn the other cheek", etc.

Sometimes, as hard as it is, you have to fight back. And I did - the one and only time I was actually bullied (not name-calling, cat-calling, or other BS along those lines). Actual BULLYING. Physical assaults. Attempted sexual assaults.

I took care of it. He earned a few days in the hospital and I earned a three-day suspension.

Was it worth it? You bet. Never been bullied since.

I guess you can say what I did was a major 'confidence booster' that has stayed with me since that fateful day.

[thinkingandwondering]

Not sure why you would be ashamed?

What brought this up?

When I was growing up, it was typical for boys to bully girls (snap their bra straps in middle school, pants them, etc.). It was expected.

[pathrunner]

I could have written a lot of what you wrote, OP.

The Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube deals with these very issues, and much more. I have been helped greatly by her program because like a lot of people I have met on here (C-D), I was bullied as a child. I was seen as weak by my family. My mother made me the scapegoat of the family. It is still true today. You have time to nip it in the bud. Learn to not care what people think.

Push back against bullies and mean people, or walk away (depending upon your mood). Learn to take care of yourself first and foremost. You are not weak.

There will be ups and downs. That is normal. There will always be ups and down where you have a period - or a day - of depression. That is normal. I still go through ups and downs. It helps that I have a housemate who went through what I did as a child, and an adult. We understand each other perfectly. He is a great friend. He gets it. He doesn't even have to be told when I'm having a moment. I don't have to be told when he's having a moment. Find friends who are there for you, preferably those who have gone through similar experiences.

Many people here on C-D are there for you also. Ignore the bullies who hang out and try to offend you. Most people see through them and either ignore or don't care about them.

The hardest part is realizing that parents didn't care enough to (1) see what you were goin through and (2) put a stop to it and (3) avoid doing it too.

Human nature is to want to be powerful. More powerful than the next guy. There will always be bullies. They will always need a scapegoat. There is a way to learn how not to be a scapegoat. You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you and you WILL learn how to deal with this.

Think positively and be strong. Accept that it will take time, but you will get there. When I was 23-24 (your age) I moved away from home. My 20's were the greatest time in my life. Unfortunately, young people in their 20's now have SO many more challenges in life than people my age did. But you can still make these years good, if not great.

[elyn02]

I am glad you are telling us, DCT2019. I noticed that another poster said you "allowed" it, but you are really not to blame. We are often taught that we have to live in the "real world" where people will be mean to us and we have to learn to toughen our skin. I no longer believe this and think that we are told this in order to benefit people who have poor conflict resolution skills. Now I am of the opinion that it takes more work and skills to create a safe bubble for yourself and those you care.

[pathrunner]

Originally Posted by DCT2019

Still to this day I have a hard time standing up for myself and asserting myself when people mistreat me.

I've had instances at work with a coworker and my boss who have belittled me, picked on me, and disrespected me. Once again I never stood up for myself and I never told anyone.

I make myself a target. I keep going through life being a pushover; being a victim and allowing people to do me wrong.

What you must do is learn how to stop being a victim. Learn methods of asserting yourself.

Hold your cards close to your chest. A lot of times people will mistreat you when you tell them something that happened to you where you appeared weak. It gives them license to abuse you, because hey! it's happened before and it can be a trigger for them to take out their baggage on you.

I've learned not to share certain things. Learn what those things are. Keep things private when you know someone can use that knowledge against you. For example, if you tell someone something and it makes you look weak, or you complain a lot, people will see you as weak and it gives them license to pick on you.

[pathrunner]

Originally Posted by elyn02

I am glad you are telling us, DCT2019. I noticed that another poster said you "allowed" it, but you are really not to blame. We are often taught that we have to live in the "real world" where people will be mean to us and we have to learn to toughen our skin. I no longer believe this and think that we are told this in order to benefit people who have poor conflict resolution skills. Now I am of the opinion that it takes more work and skills to create a safe bubble for yourself and those you care.

I think you and Euskalherria are both correct, if that makes sense.

Creating a safe bubble (you), but when someone penetrates that you teach them a lesson (Euskal).

[Javacoffee]

People tell you that you're the problem because they think it deflects their own guilt. It doesn't They are the problem, not you.

You have no reason to feel shame.

Go to Youtube and find search for Dr. Ramani. Though she focuses on narcissism and the damage it does to victims, you may find some very helpful advice on how to deal with your feelings of inadequacy and shame.

Nobody was there for you when you needed their support. That's what I call shameful.

Avoid anyone who tells you that you allowed that to happen to you. Do the same to people who minimize your pain by telling you we were all bullied.

Please do yourself a favor and check out Dr. Ramani. She's fantastic.

[mojo101]

are you male or female?
Your sister called you a bitxch,am I to assume you are a female?
You would be surprised some of these bullies are cowards and cave in easily!