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After being on C-D since 2007, I must have become jaded, because every time I see a "poor me" first post, I'm suspicious. But I'll chime in, anyway, in the event the OP actually comes back.
Sometimes in life you do things that make you feel bad, and they should. That helps keep you from making the same mistake again. It's called learning from experience. Eventually you forgive yourself for your youthful mistake and move on. It happens to us all.
Well...put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Instead of looking for another new boy, think about what else you want in life. Don't expect others to provide it for you. When you finally get everything sorted out and become a woman, then start dating again. And then date men instead of boys.
This. You aren’t the first woman to have messed up. IMO, boy B did you a favor. You weren’t happy with the first guy anyway. Now you have to figure out the rest of your life. Get your act together, get a job, and design a life you want to live.
OP doesn't need to come back with a reply. She's surely reading all your wise comments and hopefully learning to make better choices in the future. So are we, other people reading this thread. Thank you for sharing your insights, you all!
This is a case of putting your relationship with a man first before your own needs. Change what you focus on to yourself, learn to put yourself first. Give up the self chastising guilt, it isn't going to do a thing for you. What you need is to listen more to your own needs, and follow them, not follow some guy, or any guy.
Sometimes people post because they are broken open and vulnerable by some crisis, but then think better of it for various reasons. But these threads aren't useless, they are a resource for a likely surprising number of lurkers, now or in the future.
I don't know what else to do, I can't sleep, I can't eat because I'm guilty. All the memories with my ex press me and I keep thinking that I was a horrible person. What can I do?
I'm not a psychologist, and I'm not a psychiatrist, so take my comments for what they're worth. I'm also not here to kick you down when you're hurting most. What I will say, and I suspect others have keyed in on this as well... these are two "problem" individuals that you've run into.
There's an old saying about people who keep having trouble with their boss. If you have had excellent bosses and then have trouble with only one of them, then it's probably the boss's fault. If you are having trouble with all your bosses, then it's probably you that is the problem. You cheated... yes, and while that is something you will have to recon with, that is not the bigger picture here, but the fact that you've found yourself in two dysfunctional relationships.
Question... do you know what you actually want?
I'm also curious by your use of the term "boy." Unless it's just a language thing... boy refers to someone who's in high school or younger... not someone of adult dating age... so I'm curious if that's just poor word choice, or if you're looking for something that you're not getting. Again, I don't know... I'm not a psychologist. Did your father show you enough affection as a child? Or, did you not get enough excitement as a child and you're seeking it now as an adult?
I think defining what it is you want is important. And that might even mean what YOU want to get out of life, and not looking for a man to provide that to you. Again, I'm not saying that's what you're doing, but with the little information provided... just something that comes to mind.
We all have bad relationships at times and it's part of the growing process as we find someone who really understands us for who we are, and what we want in life. A person that we WANT to be with, despite THEIR issues, and despite OUR issues.
My advice, work on yourself. Work to build YOUR life, and find someone to share that with.
Also... I'd write a very personal, and apologetic note to the person you were dating, and cheated on. It should be hand-written. You should take ownership for what you've done, how you broke that trust, and explain that it's you trying to figure yourself out. I don't say this to make you feel bad, but as a human being that you've hurt, it can help you heal as well.
Hey there, I think you need to stop criticizing yourself so much. Cheating although bad, is not murder. Relax, you told us already that your previous boyfriend wasn't the right one for you. It is important to note the good parts and bad partsof each relationship so that you can move on and find what you are looking for. It's ok to feel guilty. Learn and grow, and try not to do it again.
Also when something is important to you in a relationship, like communication and going out with the other person, you have to say it in a way that the other person understands. Just how your ex told you that it is important for him to run his business, it is important for you to go out and have fun with your boyfriend. This is an important part of relationships. And if you can't figure it out with someone, then maybe it's for the best that you broke up.
As for the guy you met online, just take it as another lesson and be happy you really dodged a bullet.
I'd advise you to not rush into dating again. Take a bit of time off and relax, forgive yourself and do some self reflection. We are all just human. Take care^^
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