Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think you are projecting your own thoughts on others. It is how you feel, so you are sure they are looking at you thinking the same thing. I think you need a "group" to hang out with. I would just be careful with looking for a relationship from among your workmates as that could be difficult. How about just a friend vs. looking for a "relationship"? At 20, you should not be under any pressure to be in a relationship.
I wonder if family is pressuring you over not being in a relationship. Long term relationship at 20? Yeah, pass on that. Take time to know who you are. One does not need another person to complete them. I don't see how a long term relationship with all the strings attached would make you feel "adequate".
Some day when you are older, hopefully, you will realize that what other people are thinking of you or your status doesn't mean one darn thing. And, I still think because you are uncomfortable that you are seeing something that doesn't actually exist, other people looking at you and having your thoughts.
You have a job. You need other interests where you might meet someone that you have something in common with, maybe someone that just wants to be friends.
Speaking from experience, a long term relationship is demanding, and it won't make you feel "adequate", as that is something that comes from "you", not someone else.
You are so young, and have a lifetime of experiences ahead. The harder you look for a relationship, the more it will elude you.
A major attitude shift is what you need: quit caring what others think.
I live my life. I do what I want, wear what I want, go where I want, and so forth, and I give zero cares about what others think. I can tell you people don't care whether you are paired off or not - they have their own lives to live and are not concerned with your 'status'.
I'm 53 and not paired off. Talk about 'weird', huh? Then again... I am somewhat 'weird' anyway - in my own way.
In the end, who really cares - aside from you? No-one.
Breaking this to you as gently as I can: most people don’t much care about you or your status of singlehood. This is likely maddening and a relief, but it is true.
Yes! This is true. It's a blessing, but of course, can feel like a curse, too.
OP, when I was 20, I felt a lot like you. I felt invisible, and felt desperate to feel noticed and seen. If I went out with friends, typically, my friends would get the male attention, and I'd stand there like the wallflower wishing wishing wishing someone would pay attention to me, ask me to dance...SOMETHING...but no one would. But let's disregard the fact, that at that age, and my 'stage fright', I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. LOL
But then, by the age of 22 or so (and it was a gradual process) I came to believe that I had as much to offer as anyone else, and that shyness was NOT my friend, and would only hinder me...and I TOOK myself out of my shell. Shyness IS my natural state, but I truly believe it's not a good state, and I make the choice nearly every single day, to 'put myself out there'. Indeed, my job requires it of me.
So anyway...my advice to you is to try and get outside of your own head. Instead of focusing on what you perceive others think of you, develop a curiosity and friendliness toward the people around you.
Yes! This is true. It's a blessing, but of course, can feel like a curse, too.
OP, when I was 20, I felt a lot like you. I felt invisible, and felt desperate to feel noticed and seen. If I went out with friends, typically, my friends would get the male attention, and I'd stand there like the wallflower wishing wishing wishing someone would pay attention to me, ask me to dance...SOMETHING...but no one would. But let's disregard the fact, that at that age, and my 'stage fright', I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. LOL
But then, by the age of 22 or so (and it was a gradual process) I came to believe that I had as much to offer as anyone else, and that shyness was NOT my friend, and would only hinder me...and I TOOK myself out of my shell. Shyness IS my natural state, but I truly believe it's not a good state, and I make the choice nearly every single day, to 'put myself out there'. Indeed, my job requires it of me.
So anyway...my advice to you is to try and get outside of your own head. Instead of focusing on what you perceive others think of you, develop a curiosity and friendliness toward the people around you.
I think you are projecting your own thoughts on others. It is how you feel, so you are sure they are looking at you thinking the same thing. I think you need a "group" to hang out with. I would just be careful with looking for a relationship from among your workmates as that could be difficult. How about just a friend vs. looking for a "relationship"? At 20, you should not be under any pressure to be in a relationship.
I wonder if family is pressuring you over not being in a relationship. Long term relationship at 20? Yeah, pass on that. Take time to know who you are. One does not need another person to complete them. I don't see how a long term relationship with all the strings attached would make you feel "adequate".
Some day when you are older, hopefully, you will realize that what other people are thinking of you or your status doesn't mean one darn thing. And, I still think because you are uncomfortable that you are seeing something that doesn't actually exist, other people looking at you and having your thoughts.
You have a job. You need other interests where you might meet someone that you have something in common with, maybe someone that just wants to be friends.
Speaking from experience, a long term relationship is demanding, and it won't make you feel "adequate", as that is something that comes from "you", not someone else.
You are so young, and have a lifetime of experiences ahead. The harder you look for a relationship, the more it will elude you.
More like about my general social status, not even the status of singlehood tbh.
OK. Instead of stewing about your “social status,” why not find a volunteer job helping people who need help? Honestly, I think you devote too much emotional energy thinking about how bad you have it. You are literally wasting your life doing this. If you don’t want to volunteer, find something you love to do and develop yourself!
OP, what do you mean by your "social status"? Like, will you be invited to black-tie charity balls? Will your daughter make her debut? Will you be joining a summer share in the Hamptons? What?
OP, what do you mean by your "social status"? Like, will you be invited to black-tie charity balls? Will your daughter make her debut? Will you be joining a summer share in the Hamptons? What?
Like I just want to be taken more serious as a person and be given the benefit of the doubt, that's all
Like I just want to be taken more serious as a person and be given the benefit of the doubt, that's all
By everyone? Just by some people? Or by anyone?
Tip: Every person is unique in their histories, attitudes, tastes and intellect. They are not a hive mind. Everyone you encounter will have a different experience of you.
You might feel better if you internalized that fact.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yeah, pass on that. Take time to know who you are. One does not need another person to complete them. I don't see how a long term relationship with all the strings attached would make you feel "adequate".
