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One factor is in the pre-internet days we would only interact with individuals in our area. We would also avoid interacting with individuals we knew to be unworthy of our time. The internet exposes us to anyone with access to it.
That's because you can still be 'moderated' here,and most now back off in general because of suspensions etc.
I dunno. Over time I started to somewhat mitigate what I say and talk about here. But it wasn't because I got slapped by the Mods. It was mostly because of shifts in my own mindset.
Like, I was into some stuff (I'm still into it) that is not by far everybody's cup of tea. At first I was all excited about this thing in my life that I was discovering that made me so happy. I wanted to shout it off the rooftops and explain it to the world. But in time I realized that in fact I was making other people uncomfortable. Now...I don't feel any shame about my choices or anything, it isn't that I've got any need to hide anything here. But I don't feel respectful of others if I'm just oversharing stuff all over the place that makes other people uncomfortable with no regard for how they feel. This space does not belong to me more than it belongs to them. It simply seems unkind and disrespectful. I don't want to be an unkind or disrespectful person. I don't believe that either I, or someone very unlike me, has more of a right, or wrong standing on how to live and conduct these parts of our lives. Both of us are just doing what is right for us, and harming no one.
So in step with the fact that over time my over-the-top "new thing" excitement mellowed, I also started feeling like "have I been going too far? Maybe I've been going too far."
I used to, as a much younger person, say as though it was a virtue, "I don't care what other people think!" Now, I see that as posturing and immature. It's not that other people's opinions hold an outsized POWER over me, it's that performing my beliefs, living up to my own values does...and that does include having some consideration for other people. And I see edgy posturing just to be shocking as rather pretentious behavior.
A thoughtful individual self moderates, to at least some extent.
Yeah, then there's that. But it's the trolls I don't get. I guess that goes along with bullying -- people who get some kick out of hurting or angering others. And of course, anonymity is kind of like a free pass that allows this -- no one is really responsible for their bad acts.
Sometimes it takes a while to glean whether it's gone beyond trolling into criminal insanity. I learned later that one of the posse that threatened me was actually reported to law enforcement by someone else. I did not pursue learning any more than that. I literally turned my back on it - wise choice.
Could you argue that FB wouldn't be quite as anonymous as "Pathrunner" so that keeps some of the responses more level?
That's an interesting question. Facebook can be anonymous, though mine isn't. One time I was addressing a sociological issue on a FB group and used the term "white trash." (For the record, I am white.) FB, not the group moderator, gave me the only infraction I've ever gotten on there. It was clearly a bot, because bots can't perceive context. It was used in the context of an intellectual discussion, not an epithet directed at a person or group.
Ah yeah, it's a common tactic from some of these people to turn it around on you like you're the one being too sensitive.
OP, snarkiness and the like, combined with accusations that the object of the snarkiness is "too sensitive", is one symptom of narcissistic tendencies. Many of those people genuinely don't know they're being snarky (I know that's hard to believe, but research has shown that their brains are wired differently), so they think others are the problem and are needlessly giving them flack. So they develop a theory, that there are a lot of hyper-sensitive people in the world. They actually believe this is the case. This may cause them to ramp up their defense mechanisms, amplifying their jerkiness.
There seem to be a lot of these types out there in the world. One reason it seems like they congregate on the internet, is simply because on the internet, you're interacting with far more people daily or weekly, than you'd ever come across in real life in a day or week. Think about it; count how many posters are participating on the threads you've posted on today or this week. You may "cross paths" with that many people in a day (walking through a crowded downtown, parking lots, stores, etc.), but you don't have any communication or interaction with most of them.
Here, you're actually interacting with them, whether you address them directly or not, because they're reading your posts, and sometimes giving you their frank opinion of your thoughts.
This doesn't explain, though, why there are other platforms, where this doesn't happen. I've been told, that some forums have "professional" moderators, who keep a close watch on each thread, to nip issues in the bud. There are other platforms, though, that are a real free-for-all, so there's all kinds out there.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 02-04-2022 at 09:55 AM..
OP, snarkiness and the like, combined with accusations of the object of the snarkiness is "too sensitive", is one symptom of narcissistic tendencies. Many of those people genuinely don't know they're being snarky (I know that's hard to believe, but research has shown that their brains are wired differently), so they think others are the problem and are needlessly giving them flack. So they develop a theory, that there are a lot of hyper-sensitive people in the world. They actually believe this is the case. This may cause them to ramp up their defense mechanisms, amplifying their jerkiness.
Can't rep you at the moment, but
Many of us have learned through research into narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy that their brains are wired differently. A difficult thing to (1) perceive and (2) deal with -- because it isn't going away. In my view, it's on the rise in our culture due to technology (the internet, both social and informational) and (2) increase in population.
A website I occasionally visit has a one-sentence "commenting policy:" Don't Be a Jackass. Do Not Insult Other Commenters.
I love it. No room for debate, although I'm sure the "differently wired" would love to debate what constitutes being a jackass!
There's always the temptation to be snarky but once I learned to play nice I try to lift people up rather than tear them down. It's way too easy to ruin someone's day with meanness. Why would you want to?
Otoh, don't come at me with snark. I grew up in a family that argued and traded insults for recreation. I'm a formidable opponent!
You are fortunate, in a way. I did not grow up with that and had to learn it out in the "cold cruel working world." I do proceed with caution, though some don't think so.
There's always the temptation to be snarky but once I learned to play nice I try to lift people up rather than tear them down. It's way too easy to ruin someone's day with meanness. Why would you want to?
Otoh, don't come at me with snark. I grew up in a family that argued and traded insults for recreation. I'm a formidable opponent!
I echo these sentiments. Essentially, I always set out with the best intentions to treat others with respect, and make every effort to be encouraging and supportive. I get more of a high out of helping others. It drains me mentally and emotionally to be involved in a confrontation of any kind.
However, if you cross me, I will let you know it directly or indirectly. I'll always make an effort to be civil in my response, but I'm not going to sit back and allow you to walk all over me. If you really cross the line or you just won't quit being a jerk, then I'll report it because I'm not going to get drawn into a situation that winds up punishing myself.
Yeah, then there's that. But it's the trolls I don't get. I guess that goes along with bullying -- people who get some kick out of hurting or angering others. And of course, anonymity is kind of like a free pass that allows this -- no one is really responsible for their bad acts.
It's an extension of bullying, and often the people doing that have low self esteem, or some sort of anger issues. To them, being vile to someone anonymously in an Internet forum gives them some feeling of power or release of their frustrations.
But to go back to OP's original question, the civility of our our society was deteriorating long before the Internet existed. This began in earnest back in the late 60's and 70's (just my opinion of course). It was reflected in books and movies and other forms of communication, where violence and anger and brutality slowly became the norm.
The Internet has simply amplified the content and accelerated the pace. We had no clue what this technology would do when we released it into the wild. I can still recall the very early days of dial-ups and "bulletin boards"; even then the trolls and flamers were worming their way into those forums. It wasn't hard to see where that would eventually go.
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I do proceed with caution, though some don't think so.
