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I echo these sentiments. Essentially, I always set out with the best intentions to treat others with respect, and make every effort to be encouraging and supportive. I get more of a high out of helping others. It drains me mentally and emotionally to be involved in a confrontation of any kind.
However, if you cross me, I will let you know it directly or indirectly. I'll always make an effort to be civil in my response, but I'm not going to sit back and allow you to walk all over me. If you really cross the line or you just won't quit being a jerk, then I'll report it because I'm not going to get drawn into a situation that winds up punishing myself.
Here's where we differ. I'll easily put a smart mouth in their place, enjoy doing it, not look back, then probably feel bad later because, after all, I'm a pro. Never really fair when a sharpshooter brings out the big guns against a pea shooter.ETA:I also won't jump on band wagons or dog piles. I'm never afraid to stick up fir the underdog.
Here's where we differ. I'll easily put a smart mouth in their place, enjoy doing it, not look back, then probably feel bad later because, after all, I'm a pro. Never really fair when a sharpshooter brings out the big guns against a pea shooter.ETA:I also won't jump on band wagons or dog piles. I'm never afraid to stick up fir the underdog.
The reason I use the report function is because they tend to have a habit of dragging you into their firestorm and then you wind up getting the warning or the slap on the wrist for engaging with them. You are not protected from moderation because you're sticking up for yourself. Sometimes I'll report on behalf of another member. The other day, I reported a comment that was particularly hostile or rude towards the OP. Figured it wasn't my business to engage, so I just sent it to the mod team for them to review and handle it.
The other option, I suppose, is to ignore and "walk away" from the discussion. Truthfully, it's probably the best response to these sorts of posters. I've added a few people to my ignore list since joining.
I have found that people will literally change details in your post and then bait you with rhetoric that doesn't address your post correctly. A few people particularly enjoy doing that. This has happened to me more than once, and those I do answer back because a lot of people don't read entire threads or even large parts of threads. That's how misinformation gets spread. What really blows my mind is how they will double or triple down on the distortion as if their distortion is fact.
I think there's a lot of people out there that can't get an audience outside of anonymous social media. Now they are finally given a voice, no matter how unattractive that voice may or may not be.
I know some people IRL are sweet face to face and then post far more vitriol online. Yes, it's the anonymity.
I don't ignore, I don't report. Often I walk away if the situation/poster appears unreachable. Sometimes I get dragged into a real time wasting thread, I can regret that by looking at the clock.
What I do is look at the post/poster, and try to see if what I consider to be an ignorant or judgmental or whatever about the post rubs me wrong, is there an opening to try to open this poster's eyes to see things differently? Sometimes maybe there is.
Sometimes I get riled up and reactive. Less judgmental threads balance that out.
I'm not even on reddit or similar sites, so citydata is about as 'rough' as it gets for me.
Mostly I'm just flabbergasted that there are so many people with such limited judgmental minds on this site, but I admit I don't have a lot of sites to compare that to. Reading on reddit reveals this site is mild in comparison.
I have found that people will literally change details in your post and then bait you with rhetoric that doesn't address your post correctly. A few people particularly enjoy doing that. This has happened to me more than once, and those I do answer back because a lot of people don't read entire threads or even large parts of threads. That's how misinformation gets spread. What really blows my mind is how they will double or triple down on the distortion as if their distortion is fact.
Right, it's gaslighting and manipulative behavior. I imagine they use the same tactics with those around them in their real lives as well. I imagine some of the worst culprits we see online have a lot of broken real life relationships resulting from this.
I think there's a lot of people out there that can't get an audience outside of anonymous social media. Now they are finally given a voice, no matter how unattractive that voice may or may not be.
I know some people IRL are sweet face to face and then post far more vitriol online. Yes, it's the anonymity.
I don't ignore, I don't report. Often I walk away if the situation/poster appears unreachable. Sometimes I get dragged into a real time wasting thread, I can regret that by looking at the clock.
What I do is look at the post/poster, and try to see if what I consider to be an ignorant or judgmental or whatever about the post rubs me wrong, is there an opening to try to open this poster's eyes to see things differently? Sometimes maybe there is.
Sometimes I get riled up and reactive. Less judgmental threads balance that out.
I'm not even on reddit or similar sites, so citydata is about as 'rough' as it gets for me.
Mostly I'm just flabbergasted that there are so many people with such limited judgmental minds on this site, but I admit I don't have a lot of sites to compare that to. Reading on reddit reveals this site is mild in comparison.
Reddit is a complicated place. It has a very large (global) population, but various niche subs that comprise it. So it's difficult to say that it's one thing or another, hostile or not, etc. I was a mod on one of the larger work-related subs (not /r/antiwork ) at one point, and some of my unpaid "colleagues" were in the UK and Scandinavia.
I'd say that if you get onto some of the larger subs or /r/all (the aggregate page), you get a much broader mix. Some subs are more niche, and are hostile to anyone outside their niche views. /r/latestagecapitalism, for instance, will not tolerate any defense of neoliberal/globalist policies. /r/conservative is an echo chamber of the far right, white nationalist movement and will ban anyone who breathes a word about diversity and acceptance. I ran a hockey watching sub where all we did was talk about hockey and schedule meetups to watch games.
The biggest problem with reddit is that moderation is all over the board. You can get authoritative mods who'll ban over the slightest infraction. And you can get mods who are literally non-existent or no longer active on reddit. Speaking from experience, the mod tools are also horrendous. There is no IP tracking, no system for tracking a poster's infraction history. So there's no way of knowing how many various accounts a user has, or if they are repeat offenders that deserve to be perma-banned. As a mod, it was always up to you to determine if the infraction was bad enough for a permanent ban or a temporary ban. Beyond that, you had no other tools at your disposal for making these decisions. I even tried to make a tracker system on Google Sheets, but none of the other mods used it.
tl;dr the cultural attitudes at reddit are hit or miss depending on the sub. Moderation sucks because the mod tools suck and don't allow mods to do a good enough job.
Many of us have learned through research into narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy that their brains are wired differently. A difficult thing to (1) perceive and (2) deal with -- because it isn't going away. In my view, it's on the rise in our culture due to technology (the internet, both social and informational) and (2) increase in population.
A website I occasionally visit has a one-sentence "commenting policy:" Don't Be a Jackass. Do Not Insult Other Commenters.
I love it. No room for debate, although I'm sure the "differently wired" would love to debate what constitutes being a jackass!
No, the "differently wired" would say, "MOI?? A jerk? No, you have the wrong person."
Thank you, runner. I've been trying to decode the narcissists I sometimes end up dealing with, and amazingly enough, C-D has been a big help! True story!
I think it's more the terrribleness of people. And if you don't manage your contacts and friends lists with reasonable care, you can become a victim of it. So often, I've heard of people who have a thousand friends on Facebook, and then complain about the meaness, stupidity, and political rantings they see in their newsfeeds. Nobody can truly vet a thousand individuals and properly judge if they want them as friends or not.
My friends list currently includes about 185 people, if memory serves. I know who most of them are, or if not, how I came into contact with them because those people are almost invariably friends of people I was already friends with. Among my group of friends, many of them have dozens of mutual friends with me, so all in all it's a cohesive group.
I know some people IRL are sweet face to face and then post far more vitriol online. Yes, it's the anonymity.
Well, I'll put to you this way. I'm much more politically correct in person than I am online. Depending on the forum's rules, I pretty much say what I really think and that includes discussion about taboo subjects such as race as long as I know I won't get banned where I'm posting.
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ETA:I also won't jump on band wagons or dog piles. I'm never afraid to stick up fir the underdog.
) at one point, and some of my unpaid "colleagues" were in the UK and Scandinavia. 
A jerk? No, you have the wrong person."
