Does the internet attract terrible people, or the terribleness of people? And why? (husband, thoughts)
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I can't help but notice a strong differentiation between my real life and my virtual life. For the most part, I encounter mostly pleasant people in my real life. From time to time, I'll run into a Mr. Grumpypants waiting in a long queue or some jerk at work who's a bit too controlling or on a power trip. But that seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
The worst interpersonal experiences I've had in my life have been exclusively online; whether a place like this or reddit. Some of these experiences, in my younger years, caused a significant amount of trauma because I didn't know how to cope well with such adversity. As I've gotten older, I've learned to handle these situations better, not take them too seriously, and allow the negativity to roll off my back. That aside, it seems like I meet so many people online who are condescending, angry, hostile, arrogant, jaded, and just about every other negative quality one can assign another person. In some cases, it seems these people are just hankering for a fight. They'll respond to an otherwise innocuous comment in such a provocative manner that it's the equivalent of dropping the gloves in hockey and calling over an opposing player for a scuffle. It's like they're doing it for the sake of rabble rousing, getting under your skin, or otherwise stirring the pot.
What is it about the internet that draws in these sorts of people, or at the very least, draws out the worst in people? Is the anonymity that empowering? Do people get drunk off it? Or are online platforms merely the congregation of humanity's most deplorable? And as a disclaimer, I'm not asserting that everyone online is this bad. Rather, it's that the people who are this bad, I encounter mostly online.
I can't help but notice a strong differentiation between my real life and my virtual life. For the most part, I encounter mostly pleasant people in my real life. From time to time, I'll run into a Mr. Grumpypants waiting in a long queue or some jerk at work who's a bit too controlling or on a power trip. But that seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
The worst interpersonal experiences I've had in my life have been exclusively online; whether a place like this or reddit. Some of these experiences, in my younger years, caused a significant amount of trauma because I didn't know how to cope well with such adversity. As I've gotten older, I've learned to handle these situations better, not take them too seriously, and allow the negativity to roll off my back. That aside, it seems like I meet so many people online who are condescending, angry, hostile, arrogant, jaded, and just about every other negative quality one can assign another person. In some cases, it seems these people are just hankering for a fight. They'll respond to an otherwise innocuous comment in such a provocative manner that it's the equivalent of dropping the gloves in hockey and calling over an opposing player for a scuffle. It's like they're doing it for the sake of rabble rousing, getting under your skin, or otherwise stirring the pot.
What is it about the internet that draws in these sorts of people, or at the very least, draws out the worst in people? Is the anonymity that empowering? Do people get drunk off it? Or are online platforms merely the congregation of humanity's most deplorable? And as a disclaimer, I'm not asserting that everyone online is this bad. Rather, it's that the people who are this bad, I encounter mostly online.
I make no bones about my feelings on this matter, as I've recently expressed in other threads. This is a bully mindset, it is not different here or in a schoolyard. I don't know if you have had to deal with being bullied in real life (lucky you, if not) and I don't know if you've ever been close to someone who was a bully. But I can tell you some things...
First of all, the bully I knew the best would evaluate everyone he met in terms of whether they were "a threat" or "harmless" or "I could take him" or whatever. What I get at here, is that those of this mindset always want to feel like they know where in a pecking order of potential aggression they are, relative to others. They look for those who are less powerful than they, because they know that they can push them around or manipulate them or harm them for their own amusement. But they often lack real self esteem, and will practically grovel before anyone they see has having some admirable amount of power relative to their own.
It may be that your appearance does not make you look like easy prey to the bully minded. I assure you though, as a 5'3" woman, bullies walk among us. The kind of sexual harassment that is meant mostly to cause discomfort for the perpetrator's amusement, is bully behavior. They see the target as powerless, so they act.
But on the internet, the calculus is a bit different. One thing remains the same. The bully hopes to provoke a response for their own satisfaction. They will go after those who are emotionally raw and make cruel remarks meant to incite greater emotionality. They will talk in glee about pushing someone until they got blocked. They flame threads with circular, time wasting arguments designed to get you to repeat yourself over and over until the thread gets shut down (baiting.)
I guess I'm saying that if you don't see this in real life, it may be because you did not appear vulnerable enough in real life to draw a bully's notice as a possible target. I think that they exist in all social groups, it's just that who they see as a possible target varies, they rarely go after those they judge to be "strong" but what makes another person seem strong can vary, as different kinds of power are more or less respected among different circles of people.
But on the internet, the calculus is a bit different. One thing remains the same. The bully hopes to provoke a response for their own satisfaction. They will go after those who are emotionally raw and make cruel remarks meant to incite greater emotionality. They will talk in glee about pushing someone until they got blocked. They flame threads with circular, time wasting arguments designed to get you to repeat yourself over and over until the thread gets shut down (baiting.)
I guess I'm saying that if you don't see this in real life, it may be because you did not appear vulnerable enough in real life to draw a bully's notice as a possible target. I think that they exist in all social groups, it's just that who they see as a possible target varies, they rarely go after those they judge to be "strong" but what makes another person seem strong can vary, as different kinds of power are more or less respected among different circles of people.
Okay, so some clarification is needed. I've met these bully types in real life. I worked with a couple bullies in a career job I left at the end of 2020, partly for that reason--the toxicity of the work culture. I know they exist, and perhaps being out of a physical office for some time has saved me some of that grief.
I guess what I'm saying is that the behavior and traits I'm referring to seem more pronounced on online platforms. For example, I can go days or weeks without feeling violated by these types of people in my real life. And I'm out and about quite a bit. If I spent any significant amount of time on an online platform, like a few hours or more, I suspect that I'd encounter at least one type of person that fits the archetype I described earlier. So to that point, why does it seem like there are more of them here than out there?
Okay, so some clarification is needed. I've met these bully types in real life. I worked with a couple bullies in a career job I left at the end of 2020, partly for that reason--the toxicity of the work culture. I know they exist, and perhaps being out of a physical office for some time has saved me some of that grief.
I guess what I'm saying is that the behavior and traits I'm referring to seem more pronounced on online platforms. For example, I can go days or weeks without feeling violated by these types of people in my real life. And I'm out and about quite a bit. If I spent any significant amount of time on an online platform, like a few hours or more, I suspect that I'd encounter at least one type of person that fits the archetype I described earlier. So to that point, why does it seem like there are more of them here than out there?
Every one of them here is also "out there." They are real live people somewhere.
How many people do you even really talk to out there, though, other than in the most casual and fleeting of interactions?
Also, out in the world, people are usually focused on whatever they're doing. And even if we're talking, we have our own agendas. Few of us show up to a social activity and immediately blast out our most controversial opinions, and if we flat out told another person in the group that we think that they're stupid or something, there are more possible consequences. Being asked to leave, at least. I'm not assuming that everyone is gonna punch somebody in the face for being verbally jerky. But if your goal is anything other than being tossed out of a place, most will keep any harsh thoughts they have to themselves. Or if they have a friend with them, they might whisper some snarky comment to the friend, but not speak it out loud, or they might tell a closer contact later what mean or critical thing that they were thinking. Most of us have a filter, in person, since it would be hard to engage with society if we didn't.
I mean, the conversations I might have here in a given day, no matter what they are about, are rarely conversations I'll be having with anyone in person in a day. Most days I don't interact much with anyone but my husband, now that I work from home. The people I talk to already know me. People will express all sorts of stuff online, that they won't in person, but it's still who they are.
And then, too, the ones who have been belligerent or offputting to others in person, might end up spending more time on the internet, if nobody else wants to talk to them....if they don't have much of a working filter, or a friend group that shares even their more obnoxious ideas.
OP, you mentioned Reddit, so as someone who posts frequently in one specific subreddit and less so in another (but they are related) and interacts with the 'regulars' and the 'outsiders'... I will say that it depends on the group. The two subreddits I'm on are overwhelmingly supportive and welcoming to those who 'belong' but we also get a few scumbags who try to 'crash' the place with inappropriate comments and sometimes outright bullying but we downvote them and they end up being booted... we have strong moderation due to the nature of 'communities' we have formed, especially one in particular that attracts minors.
Most of the online groups I participate in are friendly, polite, and respectful. If people are nasty in a group, I stop going there.
C-D can be kind of nasty, especially in P&OC. Lots of angry bullies there.
Reddit seems to have a healthy troll population. There are some sub reddits where people play nice.
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