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Has your daughter had the help of a therapist? Her weight gain is a physical manifestation of a psychological situation. Now, the psycho trigger may have been from something "physical" in her past, but let the therapist discover that.
As far as eating disorders go, girls are 97% wanting to lose weight. Whereas,
boys are split almost 50/50 wanting to gain or lose weight.
This is a direct result of social pressures, and industry expectations. (Think marketing/advertising industries.)
thats what Ive explained to my wife, hounding her just leads to more hiding things from us.
What was your wife's behavior toward food and your daughter's body while she was living at home? Did your wife criticize her (or herself) or say things like, "you don't need that, do you?" Your daughter might have reacted not just to the stress of college, but the freedom of not being watched over with regard to her diet.
If it were actually food......However what now passes for food is in reality chemical extracts that are nothing but dopamine bursts.
Its not a good thing to be obese, and its not "normal". Not sure that berating anyone will help, but 55 lbs in a short time is in the range of substance abuse. its not going to enrich her life. Its substance abuse.
I'd be upset but hard to say what one can do about it in any detail.
You're right, obesity isn't great, but, crushing her under our collective thumb isn't great either. I was shocked to hear 55 pounds was the number, but, after hearing that her daily food was almost entirely fried food, desserts, and alcohol, it makes sense how that weight came.
Has your daughter had the help of a therapist? Her weight gain is a physical manifestation of a psychological situation. Now, the psycho trigger may have been from something "physical" in her past, but let the therapist discover that.
As far as eating disorders go, girls are 97% wanting to lose weight. Whereas,
boys are split almost 50/50 wanting to gain or lose weight.
This is a direct result of social pressures, and industry expectations. (Think marketing/advertising industries.)
What was your wife's behavior toward food and your daughter's body while she was living at home? Did your wife criticize her (or herself) or say things like, "you don't need that, do you?" Your daughter might have reacted not just to the stress of college, but the freedom of not being watched over with regard to her diet.
Yes, lots of " Is that very healthy?" or, when she saw my daughter in clothes she hadn't taken to school, clothes we'd kept home, there was lots of " Feel a bit too snug? too tight? Those used to fit"
I could be wrong, but it looks very much like DD couldn't wait to get away from parental oversight. Food, alcohol? This is pretty serious. The parent's reaction has to be measured, but proportionate to the size of the problem which is pretty significant.
Clearly, if the daughter had felt that home was a place of non-judgment and supportive, she would not have hid her changes. So, there isn't really any direct help the parents can offer. But I would direct her to independent programs that are free of the front load of family history. They can, in fact, insist on it. And a program worth its salt will include the parents in the healing process.
Your wife is why there are so many young women struggling with eating disorders. She needs to lay off your daughter, pronto. Just focus on the other things, as you aim to do.
Has your daughter had the help of a therapist? Her weight gain is a physical manifestation of a psychological situation. Now, the psycho trigger may have been from something "physical" in her past, but let the therapist discover that.
...
It seems a lot of people assume a sexual assault or similar to trigger overweight/obese eating. I do think it's a tiresome thought that people overeat to become unattractive. People overeat because of stress of some sort and eating eases the stress temporarily or numbs the discomfort.
When I worked in detox, I saw many people with successful bariatric surgery come in with an alcohol or drug problem- still numbing out, however possible. One co-worker who weighed 325 pounds and knew she was an emotional eater had successful bariatric surgery and said "I miss eating" and had a breakdown with suicide attempt.
If someone is emotionally overeating, therapy could be helpful for sure. Just that it's not an attempt to become obese/unattractive as is often assumed.
Does your wife think that your daughter is somehow UNAWARE that she's gotten really fat? In this world where young women are constantly obsessed with their weight? Does your wife think that your daughter is UNABLE to read up on how to manage weight and lose it?
Believe me, she knows. The best thing to do is to let her work it out, and offer what support you can, but the moves need to come from her. Nagging her all the time isn't going to do anything.
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