Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As the parent of two girls, no - I wouldn't find her weight gain "alarming". She's a grown woman. It is not your (or your wife's) province. What you should do is what you said, be there for her emotionally/mentally rather than fixating on her physical appearance. Her alcohol consumption is the thing that I would note.
If my mother even came at me with weigh ins and dieting advice, I'd cut her off for quite some time. I've seen eating disorders wreak havoc on girls and women. The worst offenders are other women.
Obesity is unhealthy, but rarely does the conversation revolve around health before it turns into appearance. AT the end of the day, many people lose weight for appearance-sake, with improved health being a bonus, instead of the other way around.
What was your wife's behavior toward food and your daughter's body while she was living at home? Did your wife criticize her (or herself) or say things like, "you don't need that, do you?" Your daughter might have reacted not just to the stress of college, but the freedom of not being watched over with regard to her diet.
That was my thought. Maybe she was bulimic when she lived at home. It's not like overnight her mother is pressuring her about her body (that started a couple decades ago). That's why she's freaked; she probably knows she F'd her up.
As the parent of two girls, no - I wouldn't find her weight gain "alarming". She's a grown woman. It is not your (or your wife's) province. What you should do is what you said, be there for her emotionally/mentally rather than fixating on her physical appearance. Her alcohol consumption is the thing that I would note.
If my mother even came at me with weigh ins and dieting advice, I'd cut her off for quite some time. I've seen eating disorders wreak havoc on girls and women. The worst offenders are other women.
Obesity is unhealthy, but rarely does the conversation revolve around health before it turns into appearance. AT the end of the day, many people lose weight for appearance-sake, with improved health being a bonus, instead of the other way around.
Yeah, parent's focusing on a grown woman's weight is completely inappropriate. She knows she gained weight. She will need to overcome it. There is nothing anyone can say and do right about a woman's weight. So, then it's just the mother's ego that has taken a hit.
My wife changes her story from " I didn't think she'd put on weight" to " I thought she'd put on Freshman 15, maybe" to " Oh my god, she's letting herself go!! Don't you care she'll wake up 300 pounds?"
Put it in perspective for your wife...............at least she isn't pregnant!
Ever consider your daughter is rebelling against her control freak mother?
As the parent of two girls, no - I wouldn't find her weight gain "alarming". She's a grown woman. It is not your (or your wife's) province. What you should do is what you said, be there for her emotionally/mentally rather than fixating on her physical appearance. Her alcohol consumption is the thing that I would note.
If my mother even came at me with weigh ins and dieting advice, I'd cut her off for quite some time. I've seen eating disorders wreak havoc on girls and women. The worst offenders are other women.
Obesity is unhealthy, but rarely does the conversation revolve around health before it turns into appearance. AT the end of the day, many people lose weight for appearance-sake, with improved health being a bonus, instead of the other way around.
I think the conversations would go much better if my wife came at this situation from a standpoint of " I'm worried about your health"
I just want to make sure I am not missing anything, are you saying my daughter put on weight as a rebellion?
Maybe not putting on weight as rebellion, but when I was younger after years of being told "you shouldn't eat those cookies "and getting the look up and down, it felt like freedom to be able to eat all the cookies I wanted. Weight gain is partially about health, but there's something triggering your daughters behavior, whether that's stress or a feeling of control. That's a bigger concern than what her body looks like.
I think the conversations would go much better if my wife came at this situation from a standpoint of " I'm worried about your health"
Maybe that's what you need to say, instead of standing back.
Offer to help get her appointments with a nutritionist, and a therapist if your daughter thinks it might help.
While your daughter probably knows she should change how she's eating, there's a lot of misinformation out there. Nutrition and diet beliefs have changed in the last 20 years, and they are realizing that for eating habits, one size doesn't fit all; some people may do better low carb, others low fat.
Also, are her housemates overweight? People who live together often have the same kinds of gut bacteria, which can affect weight gain and loss.
Personally, when I got out from under mom's thumb, my weight dropped.
OP, your daughter needs to see a doctor. It could be more than overeating.
Quote:
People with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) may find that they gain weight easily around their middle. PCOS causes the ovaries to produce abnormally high levels of male sex hormones.
Quote:
A thyroid disorder called hypothyroidism can slow down the metabolism, which can result in weight gain. Thyroid problems can also cause the body to retain fluid because of the effects of hypothyroidism on the kidneys.
Quote:
Cushing’s syndrome occurs when the body produces too much cortisol over a prolonged period. Cortisol is a hormone that enables the body to respond to stress.
Quote:
However, fast weight gain can be a sign of an underlying health condition, such as a problem with the thyroid, kidneys, or heart.
Agreed with everything here. To your last part, I double agree, I doubt my daughter plotted to gorge at school so that she could come home 50+ pounds overweight
Is she happy there? Maybe she would do better in a college closer to home where she might already have friends? The only time in my life that I had a weight problem was when my parents moved and I had to go to a different high school and had no friends. It was a very wealthy area and we were not wealthy which made me feel even more out of place. The following year I had made friends and was happy and lost the 30 some odd pounds without even dieting.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
