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This right here! In rarely come across anyone (besides my wife) who actually listens!! All they want to do is speak on their opinions and when you go to talk, they blow off what you just said only to go back to spouting off their opinions again!
And many times all they're doing is reiterating what you just said in a different way and they don't even realize it.
Putting something you said in your own words may be a way of their making sure they understand you, or a subtle way to probe the edges of what you are saying.
Not when their tone of voice suggests otherwise. My experience is that occasionally a lot of people want to be the first one to state something, like it was their own idea. Thats where "the tone of voice" issue comes in. I do understand your point, though.
I didn't mean that they were parroting my words. I meant that they made the same point by using different words and different examples as if it were their idea.
I believe deep conversations happen best among friends who have similar values and beliefs. But if deep conversation involves talking about your emotional pains and troubles, that depends on one’s culture. I was on a train ride with a woman once who told me how her son lives in the next state, he has stopped talking to her, and difficulties she was having with her life. Some people share all kinds of stuff like that with strangers.
Some people cannot even talk about it to friends. Some are in between.
Perhaps you'd prefer talking about the theoretical underpinnings of Quantum Gravity or maybe Superfluid Dark Matter.
I'm serious.
Personally, I enjoy a discussion of what probably happened at about 10^−32 of a second after the Big Bang, as well as shortcomings in our understanding of this specific point in time. In Cosmology, this is called the Inflation Epoch (not to be confused with economic price inflation).
According to cosmological inflation theory, during the Inflationary Epoch about 10^−32 of a second after the Big Bang, the universe suddenly expanded, and its volume increased by a factor of at least 10^78 (an expansion of distance by a factor of at least 10^26 in each of the three dimensions). This would be equivalent to expanding an object 1 nanometer in length (10^−9 m, about half the width of a molecule of DNA) to one approximately 10.6 light years long, or about 62 trillion miles long -- all during the tiniest of fractions of a second after the Big Bang.
Indeed, last night at a benefit for the National Ability Center, conversation drifted from the discussing the merits of the poached wild lobster skewers paired with a ginger-chili dipping sauce and the barbequed buffalo brisket & elk chops being paired with a lovely Pinot Noir vs. a hearty Cab Sav to the creation of our universe, and what advances in mathematics Mankind must make to gain a meaningfully better understanding.
Well, that, and when to get a knee replacement.
Here's an example right in this post. I want to talk about the Universe and its beginnings too, but I can see you would overwhelm me with your ultra-scientific references that are way over my head. So I'd probably not engage like that again, if I knew your "level". No one likes to be thought of as less knowledgeable, even if that's true.
But my husband and I do discuss these kinds of scientific subjects often, then we'll grab our phone to look up the question, for reinforcements. We don't do much hard science but we enjoy theorizing.
And at this age, joint replacements are a fact of life. Others actually want to hear about your experience if such a procedure is on their horizon!
Yeah this is me, too. I am baffled by these posters who have a slate of friends and 2 or 3 maybe with whom they could have "meaningful" or "deep" conversations. Cultivating that many in-person / local relationships is time consuming and in my experience anyway the self-awareness and curiosity and open-mindedness is sorely lacking in most people you might meet via, say, some club, org, church, senior center, or what have you. There's no shortage of mildly interesting people with a few good stories, but depth? Insight? Wisdom? IDK, that's hard to come by.
In places like this, you have a lot of idjits too, but, there's a certain baseline of writing ability and ability to express yourself if you're going to function successfully in an environment like this. The quality of conversations is actually pretty good and there are always maybe 25% of the posters who are actually excellent. I think this is true in part because of selection bias: people tend to come to places like this precisely because they want to discuss something in depth or open up about a personal issue, in a way that is relatively safe.
So yeah my deep and/or exploratory convos tend to be online. The nice thing is that you can be anonymous behind a handle and with a little care in what you reveal you can be open and frank in ways it's difficult if not outright dangerous to be in real life. I love the ability to come to places like this and get people's unvarnished views / advice / take on things. And I love to share my experiences without betraying any confidences or causing any angst. My family doesn't even know I interact to this degree online, I tend to do it during various private moments throughout my day. And I prefer to compartmentalize like that. I don't have to edit myself here. In some ways, online discussion is more intimate than in-person in that sense.
Same here. Other than DH, this is where I have my in-depth discussions. Punctuated by a few laughs!
There are a number of very skilled writers on here; I've been quite impressed. Especially given the dearth of writing/reading comprehension these days. We do go where we feel most comfortable with "like" people. The friends I had here IRL have jumped ship (expats often do) so there is a paucity for me right now. I can get that social itch scratched here, for the most part. In contrast, there are 3 Canadian snowbird couples in the pool every day now (renters) and I don't join in because I know we have nothing in common. They are very nice but I know I could not relate to their conversations---we're just too different. And that's OK. For sure, there wouldn't be any "deep" subjects. To my detriment, I get impatient with small talk beyond a few minutes.
No, I don't. First of all, I'm not a good verbalizer. I'm one of those (rare) women who doesn't process situations or issues by talking it out with other women. I process things in my head and by writing. If I try to verbalize these things, I end up getting angry and frustrated, because the words just don't equal what I mean to say and the other person invariably misunderstands me and then takes over the conversation.
Second, one needs a close friend to have deep conversations, because deep feelings and thoughts can be very personal and private. A person might be a friend but not a close friend and they can be a somewhat close friend but only in one context and not in others, so a private conversation about one topic might work with one person but not another despite the fact that the other person might be a ”closer” friend.
I find that most of my friends are kind of within different ”compartments” (of politics, religion, marital status, social status, job status, etc.) and I tend to stick to certain topics that I know I can discuss with that person and I don't go deeper. For instance, my friend A is someone I talk to about certain private issues but we don't discuss politics or religion. Another friend B is someone that I've had a close association with for 40 years and we've had some deeper conversations about our families but we don't discuss politics or religion. Another friend C is someone that I can discuss religion and politics with, but not a lot of other topics (she's borderline spectrum and very limited in her life experiences). Another friend D is someone who I can discuss deeper issues regarding singlehood and dating but we don't discuss politics or religion.
I guess a deep conversations with friends do require some level of shared values. It's a rare friendship that can tolerate major disagreements.
Putting something you said in your own words may be a way of their making sure they understand you, or a subtle way to probe the edges of what you are saying.
Yeah, but I mean you can say a 5 minute long rhetoric and they just respond with "yeah,.................". Like they undermine your thoughts and just say something just to hear themselves speak. That is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. To be "blown off" or "ignored" by anyone when I speak or do something.
According to Wikipedia, Mary has a BS in electrical engineering. Definitely has the background for some interesting conversations about applied science.
Yeah, but I mean you can say a 5 minute long rhetoric and they just respond with "yeah,.................". Like they undermine your thoughts and just say something just to hear themselves speak. That is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. To be "blown off" or "ignored" by anyone when I speak or do something.
May be the 5 minute long rhetoric is the problem? Use short sentences, and pause for response, and listen?
May be the 5 minute long rhetoric is the problem? Use short sentences, and pause for response, and listen?
I said 5 minutes as hyperbole for "a long rhetoric" I know how to talk and engage with people.
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Yeah this is me, too. I am baffled by these posters who have a slate of friends and 2 or 3 maybe with whom they could have "meaningful" or "deep" conversations. Cultivating that many in-person / local relationships is time consuming and in my experience anyway the self-awareness and curiosity and open-mindedness is sorely lacking in most people you might meet via, say, some club, org, church, senior center, or what have you. There's no shortage of mildly interesting people with a few good stories, but depth? Insight? Wisdom? IDK, that's hard to come by.
