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Come on ... he is 5'8" not a very tall man, but not exactly a midget...
Ben Stiller, Joaquin Phoenix, Zac Efron, Simon Cowell, Ice Cube and many others are that height.
I am a hetero guy, so I cannot judge men's looks, but I was always under the impression that women preferred taller guys.
I remember one of my female friends who had a crush on a rocker musician. When she was eye level with him when he was greeting his fans, she could not believe how small he was, and by the looks of the heels on his shoes, he was even smaller.
She went from thinking he was hot, to thinking she could beat him up.
Anyway, looks and attraction are in the eye of the beholder, but the guy this woman seems to be pining over does not fit (I assume) what many women would find the ultimate man to be with.
I am a hetero guy, so I cannot judge men's looks, but I was always under the impression that women preferred taller guys.
I remember one of my female friends who had a crush on a rocker musician. When she was eye level with him when he was greeting his fans, she could not believe how small he was, and by the looks of the heels on his shoes, he was even smaller.
She went from thinking he was hot, to thinking she could beat him up.
Anyway, looks and attraction are in the eye of the beholder, but the guy this woman seems to be pining over does not fit (I assume) what many women would find the ultimate man to be with.
People like what they like. Prince was tiny, but he was sexy as hell.
Again, not what I am talking about. Some people here make this way more complicated than it is.
It is about cheating. The OP said she would do it with the actor. THAT is the issue, not what you are going on about.
BTW, I am male.
I agree that that one statement was "wait, what?" But you had lots of alarm at her sentiments before it ever got there. I give you that in this instance, you called it. It's past a line for me when she says that if she could, she would, unless she were to go on to say that she and her husband have negotiated some kind of agreement (that sort of thing falls under "not for everybody but if some people want to do that, it's their relationship, I don't judge.")
But in a standard marriage where the understanding is monogamy, saying you would have slept with somebody if they'd wanted you, that's no good.
I guess what I wanna say is that I give you the win for being right about where this one was going, yet I suspect that a ton of people might feel emotionally unsettled about having spent time with a celebrity, and have "celebrity crushes" where it does NOT go to this place. And dude if I assumed that anyone with a celebrity crush, or any man who admired other women with sexual thoughts in his head, would be thinking about them and not me in bed in a way that is hurtful, I might as well give up on sex with other people. I will never know what precisely is in their minds, first of all. And while I don't think I'm ugly, I am never gonna be the hottest woman who has ever walked the earth.
I mean, should every average looking person leave their partner, if they suppose that their partner would have chosen a much, much hotter person if they thought they could "get" one? According to the people who are obsessed with looks matching, that means that unless you are a 10, you cannot have real love. Ever. With anyone. It would only possibly be a resigned and disappointed kind of settling, because we all want the "hottest we can get" and if that's not a 10, it's only because we have a low view of our own "SMV."
I mean if that's how it is, then maybe more people should just exit the game of love, since no one can ever love us if we're not perfect, not really, they'll always wish they were more and had more?
I find that prospect disgusting, frankly, and untrue besides.
So alternately, I can accept that even though my husband will flat out gush about that one time Morena Baccarin sat by him at a con and (gasp) touched his shoulder... Somehow he manages to still love me and look upon me with desire and happiness, rather than just a sigh and resignation, closing his eyes and fantasizing about a hot actress during the act. If only because there's no point in being insecure about it.
God, maybe that's why men get so worked up about women with a history, and so jealous of other men. Do you really believe that the only thing keeping a woman in love and fidelity with you, is that because she does not think she CAN get a better looking man? Do you think that if we ever had a better looking lover in our beds, we could only possibly be thinking of them while in the act with you? Is that how men operate? I really hope not.
....
Side note: I agree with what others have said about celebrities in general. My interest in the singer of that band was more a matter of having gotten to know some stuff about him that I found to be inspiring and fascinating. He worked hard and sacrificed much for a goofy project that had a likelihood of never taking off, and refused to compromise his art for a long time. I admire the dedication. Besides that he was hilarious and highly intelligent and well read, and fun to be around. Apt to do unpredictable things at unexpected times. I like to keep company with colorful and amusing people.
On the other hand, I've had the chance to meet actors at conventions and I hate it. It's awkward, stilted, you know little or nothing about them, and they don't really have the time or inclination most of the time to interact in a "real" kind of a way. I don't put people on pedestals because of fame alone. The only ones I actually want to meet at this point (and by that I mean getting to sit down and interview, have a conversation, or else watch them do a talk...something more than an autograph and definitely not sex)...are the ones who appear to have intriguing personalities. Jeff Goldblum is my favorite example. He seems like he'd be interesting and fun to talk to. Guillermo del Toro.
And the whole...tabloid, Kardashians, British "royals", Brangelina...thing...all that...repels me. I've never understood why I should care what these strangers are up to. They aren't made of otherworldly stuff. Their poop stinks as much as anyone's.
People like what they like. Prince was tiny, but he was sexy as hell.
Prince?
That guy must have been 100lbs wet, had elevator shoes, and wore his hair like a woman.
Not that men have to be big or tall to be attractive to women, but I'd bet a lot of what makes people who perform on stage attractive, is the thought of being with someone so popular. If a guy like Prince was wearing regular clothes at the grocery store, his hair all matted up, many women would not give him a second look.
But when stars are on stage, and fans are screaming their names, and they strike poses in flashy outfits and prance around, that is all part of the act and attraction.
The same is true of women who guys think are really attractive, but they are airbrushed in photos, and made up to the hilt every time they go out in public.
I have seen women like that, and it reminds me of;
I agree that that one statement was "wait, what?" But you had lots of alarm at her sentiments before it ever got there. I give you that in this instance, you called it. It's past a line for me when she says that if she could, she would, unless she were to go on to say that she and her husband have negotiated some kind of agreement (that sort of thing falls under "not for everybody but if some people want to do that, it's their relationship, I don't judge.")
But in a standard marriage where the understanding is monogamy, saying you would have slept with somebody if they'd wanted you, that's no good.
I guess what I wanna say is that I give you the win for being right about where this one was going, yet I suspect that a ton of people might feel emotionally unsettled about having spent time with a celebrity, and have "celebrity crushes" where it does NOT go to this place. And dude if I assumed that anyone with a celebrity crush, or any man who admired other women with sexual thoughts in his head, would be thinking about them and not me in bed in a way that is hurtful, I might as well give up on sex with other people. I will never know what precisely is in their minds, first of all. And while I don't think I'm ugly, I am never gonna be the hottest woman who has ever walked the earth.
I mean, should every average looking person leave their partner, if they suppose that their partner would have chosen a much, much hotter person if they thought they could "get" one? According to the people who are obsessed with looks matching, that means that unless you are a 10, you cannot have real love. Ever. With anyone. It would only possibly be a resigned and disappointed kind of settling, because we all want the "hottest we can get" and if that's not a 10, it's only because we have a low view of our own "SMV."
I mean if that's how it is, then maybe more people should just exit the game of love, since no one can ever love us if we're not perfect, not really, they'll always wish they were more and had more?
I find that prospect disgusting, frankly, and untrue besides.
So alternately, I can accept that even though my husband will flat out gush about that one time Morena Baccarin sat by him at a con and (gasp) touched his shoulder... Somehow he manages to still love me and look upon me with desire and happiness, rather than just a sigh and resignation, closing his eyes and fantasizing about a hot actress during the act. If only because there's no point in being insecure about it.
God, maybe that's why men get so worked up about women with a history, and so jealous of other men. Do you really believe that the only thing keeping a woman in love and fidelity with you, is that because she does not think she CAN get a better looking man? Do you think that if we ever had a better looking lover in our beds, we could only possibly be thinking of them while in the act with you? Is that how men operate? I really hope not.
....
Side note: I agree with what others have said about celebrities in general. My interest in the singer of that band was more a matter of having gotten to know some stuff about him that I found to be inspiring and fascinating. He worked hard and sacrificed much for a goofy project that had a likelihood of never taking off, and refused to compromise his art for a long time. I admire the dedication. Besides that he was hilarious and highly intelligent and well read, and fun to be around. Apt to do unpredictable things at unexpected times. I like to keep company with colorful and amusing people.
On the other hand, I've had the chance to meet actors at conventions and I hate it. It's awkward, stilted, you know little or nothing about them, and they don't really have the time or inclination most of the time to interact in a "real" kind of a way. I don't put people on pedestals because of fame alone. The only ones I actually want to meet at this point (and by that I mean getting to sit down and interview, have a conversation, or else watch them do a talk...something more than an autograph and definitely not sex)...are the ones who appear to have intriguing personalities. Jeff Goldblum is my favorite example. He seems like he'd be interesting and fun to talk to. Guillermo del Toro.
And the whole...tabloid, Kardashians, British "royals", Brangelina...thing...all that...repels me. I've never understood why I should care what these strangers are up to. They aren't made of otherworldly stuff. Their poop stinks as much as anyone's.
Well, I suppose I'm one of the few (only???) people who doesn't 'mentally cheat' - as I call it. When I am with my partner intimately, they are the person who occupies my mind and my entire being. The rest of the world does not exist for me during those moments. My partner means absolutely everything to me. There's no room at all for anyone else. And I certainly hope they feel the same for me.
This may be why I am reluctant to enter into relationships and allow myself to be vulnerable - no one will be on my level of love and devotion as I am. And I cannot be into anyone if they are not into me. If they want 'xxx' then they should go after 'xxx' and leave me alone. Because I would infinitely prefer to be alone than be with someone who is thinking of someone else while we are in bed.
Well, I suppose I'm one of the few (only???) people who doesn't 'mentally cheat' - as I call it. When I am with my partner intimately, they are the person who occupies my mind and my entire being. The rest of the world does not exist for me during those moments. My partner means absolutely everything to me. There's no room at all for anyone else. And I certainly hope they feel the same for me.
This may be why I am reluctant to enter into relationships and allow myself to be vulnerable - no one will be on my level of love and devotion as I am. And I cannot be into anyone if they are not into me. If they want 'xxx' then they should go after 'xxx' and leave me alone. Because I would infinitely prefer to be alone than be with someone who is thinking of someone else while we are in bed.
So 'celebrity obsession' - dealbreaker.
I don't mentally cheat like that, either. And I get where you are coming from. People on these boards gave me a hard time because I felt unhappy about my husband's enthusiasm over certain female celebrities and his enjoyment of porn. The way I tried to put it, was that it was so hard to think of the man I loved looking at other women like they are a priceless exotic delicacy and at me like I'm meatloaf on Tuesday (I know I already used that phrasing in another post here...but it conveys that LTR slog pretty well, I think.) Like some famous woman touches you once and it's the highlight of your life , but I dedicate my life to you and it's like, "oh sure thanks I guess."
It's depressing. If I think about it that way, I kind of want to go off and do my own thing and not be in a committed relationship at all, with anyone, ever. If that's how "men" are or how "people" are. Nobody wants to feel settled for, or like they are better than nothing but not what somebody would choose if they only had more options. That doesn't feel good.
But then I turn this multifaceted matter over in my mind and look at another side of it.
I acknowledge that the wild rollercoaster of the infatuation phase was not sustainable and was kind of crazy making. No comfort, tons of uncertainty along with the passionate highs. My husband does love me deeply and would be devastated to lose me. We both enjoy one another's company greatly, we're both happier together than we would be alone, we LIKE each other a LOT. And we both gain materially, a lot in the big picture, being together. (I am too much a practical adult to utterly disregard that. It's not greed, it's pragmatism. Life ain't free.)
So I dunno, I get feeling social validation from people who have a certain standing being willing to give you their time and attention, and I can understand finding it cool to get to know a new person who is interesting, and if they happen to be a celebrity, that could be pretty fun.
But the transmutation of any kind of interest or admiration of somebody into something sexual, along with the emphasis on "hotness"...that I do not really identify with or understand, because it isn't really how my brain works. But indications in this thread point to THIS situation, kinda being the least of the OP's problems, or maybe a symptom rather than the actual ailment. I've picked up that she's got a lot of anxiety stuff going on and an unhappy marriage, so... I also wonder a little if this was a bunch of distraction or misplacement of other stresses, rather than facing and trying to resolve whatever the real issues are there.
I had a conversation yesterday with a very pretty thirty-something.
"I've only been here a couple of weeks and already I've got a boyfriend. I want to go see his house. That will tell me all I need to know."
Me: Maybe take a friend along?
"No, it's okay. We've already had four dates."
Me: Well, be careful.
"Yes I know I will have to be. He's so hot."
As the day unfolded I learned that this girl from the Midwest just purchased four new high-end sundresses, that he owns and operates a local beach bar and spa and that she plans to rent a restaurant here, extend her vacation and go into business. All like that.
Who knows? Maybe the lucky feller just found the girl of his dreams. But I know he's been running that beach club for at least fifteen years. Has she stopped to think about what his life was like before she came along? Or still may be like? How many vacationing girlfriends must be lined up for the various months? Maybe months they, at home, look forward to all year long?
A hot guy running a beach club suddenly falls in love. What's the odds? Maybe I just saw a once in a lifetime miracle.
All those red flags but no one will break the spell. Many of us need a little fantasy now and then to keep our lives enjoyable. There's only one caveat - be sure you know where the fantasy ends and reality begins.
I don't mentally cheat like that, either. And I get where you are coming from. People on these boards gave me a hard time because I felt unhappy about my husband's enthusiasm over certain female celebrities and his enjoyment of porn. The way I tried to put it, was that it was so hard to think of the man I loved looking at other women like they are a priceless exotic delicacy and at me like I'm meatloaf on Tuesday (I know I already used that phrasing in another post here...but it conveys that LTR slog pretty well, I think.) Like some famous woman touches you once and it's the highlight of your life , but I dedicate my life to you and it's like, "oh sure thanks I guess."
It's depressing. If I think about it that way, I kind of want to go off and do my own thing and not be in a committed relationship at all, with anyone, ever. If that's how "men" are or how "people" are. Nobody wants to feel settled for, or like they are better than nothing but not what somebody would choose if they only had more options. That doesn't feel good.
But then I turn this multifaceted matter over in my mind and look at another side of it.
I acknowledge that the wild rollercoaster of the infatuation phase was not sustainable and was kind of crazy making. No comfort, tons of uncertainty along with the passionate highs. My husband does love me deeply and would be devastated to lose me. We both enjoy one another's company greatly, we're both happier together than we would be alone, we LIKE each other a LOT. And we both gain materially, a lot in the big picture, being together. (I am too much a practical adult to utterly disregard that. It's not greed, it's pragmatism. Life ain't free.)
So I dunno, I get feeling social validation from people who have a certain standing being willing to give you their time and attention, and I can understand finding it cool to get to know a new person who is interesting, and if they happen to be a celebrity, that could be pretty fun.
But the transmutation of any kind of interest or admiration of somebody into something sexual, along with the emphasis on "hotness"...that I do not really identify with or understand, because it isn't really how my brain works. But indications in this thread point to THIS situation, kinda being the least of the OP's problems, or maybe a symptom rather than the actual ailment. I've picked up that she's got a lot of anxiety stuff going on and an unhappy marriage, so... I also wonder a little if this was a bunch of distraction or misplacement of other stresses, rather than facing and trying to resolve whatever the real issues are there.
Yes. I don't want to be the one someone 'settled' for. That would hurt like hell and I would have a difficult time trusting the person, if not impossible. I would rather be alone as I am good with that - not saying I don't want anyone in my life but if push came to shove...
Also agree. I mentioned Richard Gere. Awesome actor and person - to me. I like his work, never seen a 'bad' Gere flick - although I'm not a fan of 'Pretty Woman', even though it was 'good'. Surprise, huh?
But am I 'into' him in a sexual way? Nope, no way, never. And that's how I am when it comes to *any* actor/actress/artist/musician/etc. - it's the person and their work, their creativity, their knowledge that 'lights me up'. Not their body parts.
I had a conversation yesterday with a very pretty thirty-something.
"I've only been here a couple of weeks and already I've got a boyfriend. I want to go see his house. That will tell me all I need to know."
Me: Maybe take a friend along?
"No, it's okay. We've already had four dates."
Me: Well, be careful.
"Yes I know I will have to be. He's so hot."
As the day unfolded I learned that this girl from the Midwest just purchased four new high-end sundresses, that he owns and operates a local beach bar and spa and that she plans to rent a restaurant here, extend her vacation and go into business. All like that.
Who knows? Maybe the lucky feller just found the girl of his dreams. But I know he's been running that beach club for at least fifteen years. Has she stopped to think about what his life was like before she came along? Or still may be like? How many vacationing girlfriends must be lined up for the various months? Maybe months they, at home, look forward to all year long?
A hot guy running a beach club suddenly falls in love. What's the odds? Maybe I just saw a once in a lifetime miracle.
All those red flags but no one will break the spell. Many of us need a little fantasy now and then to keep our lives enjoyable. There's only one caveat - be sure you know where the fantasy ends and reality begins.
While I agree with you in general, to your "what are the odds", it can and does happen, and here is a song that speaks to it;
As to red flags and dissuading a googly eyed girl, the guy could be a tatted up biker that sells drugs, but they are fixable in the girls mind.
Here is a spoken narrative (in a movie) of one example where she knew better, but was "turned on";
Mod cut.
Sadly just like a druggie or booze hound, those are the girls that will need to learn the hard way.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-16-2022 at 10:00 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate content.
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