Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I was a teen I wasn't attractive and got hurt a lot.
When I reached 20 I started to change. My skin cleared up, I got a sun tan and the sun lightened my hair blond. Suddenly the girls in my college classes was interested. And they got really interested when they could see I didn't fancy myself a ladies man.
Being good looking helps in life. People are more receptive. However, you've still got to be a decent person.
When I was a teen I wasn't attractive and got hurt a lot.
When I reached 20 I started to change. My skin cleared up, I got a sun tan and the sun lightened my hair blond. Suddenly the girls in my college classes was interested. And they got really interested when they could see I didn't fancy myself a ladies man.
Being good looking helps in life. People are more receptive. However, you've still got to be a decent person.
True. Good looks do open doors, but you need more than that. And even good-looking people can have insecurities.
Older women, like unattractive ones, are invisible. I've learned that it's a superpower, not a disadvantage! You can eavesdrop on other people's conversations, quietly walk up to a potluck table and snag all the cookies, come and go places without being noticed.
When I was a teen I wasn't attractive and got hurt a lot.
When I reached 20 I started to change. My skin cleared up, I got a sun tan and the sun lightened my hair blond. Suddenly the girls in my college classes was interested. And they got really interested when they could see I didn't fancy myself a ladies man.
Being good looking helps in life. People are more receptive. However, you've still got to be a decent person.
The OP isn’t talking about dating. She’s talking about general socializing in the workplace and making friends. I haven’t seen that looks are really a huge factor if you have other skills.
My first supervisor in my current career was very obese. She always wore the same style knit top and pants regardless of where she had to go, so I would not describe her as being stylish. To make things worse, she has a stutter that comes out when she is nervous. On the other hand, this woman LOVED to cook and throw parties. Some of her yearly parties were legendary. She also had a pretty good career even though she wouldn’t win any awards in the looks department. I had to go back to that town for work after she retired and had one dinner there. I called her because I knew she (and possibly her equally obese husband) would pick the most interesting place to go for dinner.
I think the main point I am trying to make is that you have to focus on your positives and not so much on your weakness. Not everyone is going to be attractive, athletic, musical, etc. Most people have some talents they can focus on that will make up for weakness.
For example. I can be with 2 friends in a casual environment. We can be in a conversation with someone and the guy will ask them what they do for a living but don’t ask me. If I try to talk people just talk over me. They give eye contact to the others and not me. Ask others if they are married, have kids but don’t ask me. Yes sometimes I stand back while others are more aggressive but even if I try to be engaging it’s like I’m not there. I just feel so depressed sometimes.
I've always felt like this too. It used to bother me, not to the point of making me feel depressed but I was aware of it. I don't care now though. I'd just as soon be invisible to be honest. Like an invisibility cloak.
I imagine this is more in your own head than you think. When one of those exchanges happens where others are asked something but not you, then it confirms your bias, your preconceived sense of "invisibility". But when you are naturally included in a conversation it passes without your notice.
I used to have a lot of female friends who were unusually attractive, and on top of that were also more socially confident and outgoing than I was. You can imagine how invisible I felt among them. But in retrospect, it was all just typical superficial social interaction. Not something to sink a lot of mental energy into. Life is a lot more about what you do, not what other people do.
I've always felt like this too. It used to bother me, not to the point of making me feel depressed but I was aware of it. I don't care now though. I'd just as soon be invisible to be honest. Like an invisibility cloak.
I imagine this is more in your own head than you think. When one of those exchanges happens where others are asked something but not you, then it confirms your bias, your preconceived sense of "invisibility". But when you are naturally included in a conversation it passes without your notice.
I used to have a lot of female friends who were unusually attractive, and on top of that were also more socially confident and outgoing than I was. You can imagine how invisible I felt among them. But in retrospect, it was all just typical superficial social interaction. Not something to sink a lot of mental energy into. Life is a lot more about what you do, not what other people do.
It’s doesn’t seem to be about physical attractiveness because some of these people who received more attention than me weren’t attractive but did exude a lot of confidence. I was complimented on my looks a lot but never felt attractive.
I have felt this way since my divorce 13 years ago. For me, seems to not be a coincidence, though how to explain it I don't know. I've always felt invisible at work because I'm an introvert, despite always being willing to do what I need to and help others. Makes no difference. I'm kinda used to it. Now I'm invisible 24/7. I might as well be a ghost, really. In my case it makes me wonder how long it would take people to notice if I just vanished. Weeks, I'm guessing.
All that to say you're not alone in this, but I wish I had an answer for you and myself. Lack of confidence surely has something to do with it, and I so relate to what you say in your above post. I look at old pictures of myself and think I should have gone to Hollywood, lol. Too late for me now. If 1985 is your birth year, it's not too late for you to turn it around.
From all your posts I'd say people are avoiding you. Maybe they think you re just a downer or a little crazy. You have a husband but are concerned that some guy in the office doesn't notice you. You travelled to meet and greet a favorite celebrity but cried for days after because you will never get to have a guy like that. You have a job and friends but are depressed because you are not more popular. Time to stop being a soprano singing mi mi mi all day long.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Layden85
For example. I can be with 2 friends in a casual environment. We can be in a conversation with someone and the guy will ask them what they do for a living but don’t ask me. If I try to talk people just talk over me. They give eye contact to the others and not me. Ask others if they are married, have kids but don’t ask me. Yes sometimes I stand back while others are more aggressive but even if I try to be engaging it’s like I’m not there. I just feel so depressed sometimes.
A cop who was dating my friend said to us a few years ago, "Women your age are invisible to us. You could drive down the street with a bottle of beer in one hand and a joint in the other, and our eyes will pass right over you."
This is absolutely true. I've been openly smoking weed in public places ever since I turned 50.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is there a reason I’m invisible?
