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Today marks yet another holiday spent alone. As an only child with long-deceased parents, and no close relatives since all my cousins were nearly out of college before I hit middle school. I have plenty supposed friends and relatives but find the use of the word supposed valid given I rarely receive invites for holidays and offer whenever possible to host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for fellow orphans, or those unable to go home due to work or other factors. I've nearly given up on the family warm fuzzies but before waving the white flag making sure its not some shortcoming of my own I'm clueless to...??
I don't know if you're asking for advice, but since you know this is an issue, why not do weekend getaways during holidays and treat yourself to little mini-vacations?
May I encourage you to indeed put up the white flag. Not the One that is in defeat so much as the one that says, Maybe I need to re-evaluate what I value in that Holiday to begin with? Usually there is a sentimental or Memories of Yore that are linked to it. Once you "revise" or put up the flag that such a holiday in gathering is not concurrent to todays folks. You will find some other more meaningful ways to go about that day. I am not discouraging you to relish time spent, I am asking that you reconsider how you interpret that day.
For myself once I let go of that "image", or Linked VALUE I had for that day, things progressively changed. I no longer get "down" when it comes and goes. Mostly I rarely even realize that such a holiday happened. Unless one of my grand kids call to wish me a special cheer. I suppose once you go about living...and I mean LIVING life...the holidays are less isolated beccause they are incorporated into a daily routine. Ohh I still enjoy going to church and having a bit of social time in listening to others talk of their plan that day. I celebrate in their plans. Wishing them well. Beyond that ...simplicity seems to carry on the day.
Well I was going to say something but you nailed it.
As an immigrant I had to develop new approaches to holidays, some of which included volunteering, giving, nurturing friendships, and /or making that given holiday day special for me.
I would have gone to the movies by myself if I did not have a family commitment. Is there a way to let others know that you don't want to be alone on the holidays, and see if you can get an invite from them? Perhaps it is something that they don't think about or, maybe, they figure that you like being alone.
I spent the majority of the Easter holiday alone, and I'll be honest, it was a little bit sad but it was also good. I mean, I went to church and sat with some other single women, whom I like, and I didn't feel alone there. Then I came home and I was alone most of the day and I felt a little sad off and on but it also felt good to just relax.
I think I felt the most alone when I was eating my Easter dinner all by myself. Now I could have said to any number of people "Can I come to your house?" and any of them would have included me in their Easter revelries but I didn't want that. What I wanted was my parents (dead) and my brother (dead) and my husband (dead) and my kids (scattered) and my grandkids (living in a foreign country so no), but those days are gone and to me, it was those memories that made me sad. However, I got through it and over it and I have to admit that overall the day was pleasant.
But it was also pensive. I admit it. Easter really makes me miss my parents especially, and my brother surprisingly. On Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am always with family thankfully - but Easter is a bit too close to the other holidays and besides that, I will be seeing my daughter and my perfect grandchildren shortly (in May). So I am getting used to Easter being anticlimactic and sort of sad to me.
I miss my mom and dad probably most of all during Easter, though for some reason I also miss my dad alot over Thanksgiving. Not my mom as much as my dad, because he loved Thanksgiving so much.
I'm an introvert and after a week of office drama and waiting on customers, I was happy to have a peaceful day off.
But then, I got invited to dinner by different coworkers for a couple of years for Thanksgiving and Christmas and to be honest, that sucked. I don't like mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberry, yams, or stuffing, so the meals were a trial. It also meant getting up early when I wanted to sleep in, getting dressed up like I did every morning anyway, and sitting around with a bunch of people I really didn't know that well and always going home with a headache.
I always felt obligated to bring something, too, so that meant making something, either the night before or early in the morning, or buying something that I usually couldn't afford. In between all this, I was going to night classes at college and sometimes had to sandwich finals around these holidays.
One year I finally put my foot down and said no. I then made sure I had pizza the night before and the next day all I did was heat up food, eat, sleep, and watch TV. I didn't even get dressed. It was the most relaxing holiday ever and that's how I've celebrated them ever since.
I just wanted to tell the OP this because sometimes holidays spent with other people are way overrated.
But if you still want to beat the blues, one suggestion is to make a plan a couple of months or weeks ahead of time to do something. Maybe a drive, a movie, some takeout to bring home, or even a trip across the state to visit a new store.
The other thing you can do if you are near any kind of armed services base is to see if there is a program to invite any of the troops over to your house for a holiday meal. These men and women are young and away from home themselves and probably a little depressed about it. You might be able to invite three or four of them to your place and host a dinner and a movie or something. My parents did this when they lived near Ellsworth AFB and they really enjoyed it.
Apparently you missed the part where I have invited (consistently) for holiday dinners to no avail, other more important and to be fair ancestral commitments win out. I too am a giver and enjoy the small thoughts or just because/thinking of you gifts (not so much cards) but beyond the gratitude expressed have received very little in response in terms of thoughtful gifts and as such have whittled down a bit.
When I read this reply I did go back and re-read your OP. Yes, I did miss it. It was somewhat buried. Apologies, OP.
May I encourage you to indeed put up the white flag. Not the One that is in defeat so much as the one that says, Maybe I need to re-evaluate what I value in that Holiday to begin with? Usually there is a sentimental or Memories of Yore that are linked to it. Once you "revise" or put up the flag that such a holiday in gathering is not concurrent to todays folks. You will find some other more meaningful ways to go about that day. I am not discouraging you to relish time spent, I am asking that you reconsider how you interpret that day.
For myself once I let go of that "image", or Linked VALUE I had for that day, things progressively changed. I no longer get "down" when it comes and goes. Mostly I rarely even realize that such a holiday happened. Unless one of my grand kids call to wish me a special cheer. I suppose once you go about living...and I mean LIVING life...the holidays are less isolated beccause they are incorporated into a daily routine. Ohh I still enjoy going to church and having a bit of social time in listening to others talk of their plan that day. I celebrate in their plans. Wishing them well. Beyond that ...simplicity seems to carry on the day.
I'm learning not to put so much emphasis on particular days too. My husband is currently having major health issues so it's been just the two of us for the last several holidays. We have no children or grandchildren. For a brief moment I'll get sad, but then I realize all that we do have, and focus on that. I love your last sentence about simplicity carrying the day. It's all about expectation, isn't it?
I had this issue on Christmas as well. Being alone on the holiday when I did not want to be. Estranged from most of my family with no car. My sister has a medical issue and cannot drive. We used to spend holidays together when she could drive. That sucks because she won't be around forever. My housemates were gone both Christmas and Easter, so it was just me here pet sitting for them. Christmas was horrible. I'm not big on Easter, but was reminded that my former in-laws were, so that kinda sucked.
I used to travel on those days as I like to travel alone. However, I found that traveling on holidays is rather depressing (couples and families everywhere), so I stopped doing that.
I have a chosen family - friends - who usually invite me over. Sometimes I do just nothing and go for a drive or hiking.
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