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I was a graveyard shift worker for many years, so I get it. Friends and family assume we're available during the day because... "you can sleep afterwards".
My response was always,,, "Can you help me do something next Tuesday at 2 AM? You can go back to sleep when we're finished." Once I put it in terms they could relate to, they left me alone. We're not nocturnal creatures. It's tough enough to sleep during the day.
Also, I had a friend who initiated contact only when she needed something from me. To put it simply and briefly, we're no longer friends.
As far as being on the nightshift, for 25 years, long story short, day people just don't understand what it means, don't understand that us night workers have the need for a good night's sleep, just like them. That when we beg for that time, we are told, "Well, you can always take a nap.".
I am not "nightshift" but I do start work at 5am and get off at 1:30pm (starting work at 5am means my alarm goes off at 2:30am). Have done this for over 20 years. People don't get it.
The odd times I have to go to an evening event--I am miserable. A nap does not suffice. My inner clock is to go to bed at 7pm.
I must have an aura that I don't really help people I heard someone tell someone that works in my department that was having car trouble, "ask GiGi, she lives near you, she could give you a ride". Thank goodness he never asked. My response would have been, "that is not going to work for me". <--I like that response best because if you say, "no I can't" it can open up a can of worms, like why can't you?
In your case, if the person is a friend or family member, consider if they might have tried to get some help, and you are their last hope. It may appear to you that they have no consideration that you have responsibilities in life, just as they do on a daily basis, but I honestly think that is your own projected perception.
In your case, if the person is a friend or family member, consider if they might have tried to get some help, and you are their last hope. It may appear to you that they have no consideration that you have responsibilities in life, just as they do on a daily basis, but I honestly think that is your own projected perception.
Well, when you have begged for being able to sleep over the years and all you hear is "well, you can always take a nap", you can become very touchy to things.
It is sort of like the olive skinned man who was taken aside by customs agents when he didn't put his ruck sack down for inspection. That behavior made him legally susceptible to profiling where his grey crew cut, tweed slacks, plaid shirt, lean physique, wing tip shoes identified him as a potential senior field lieutenant in the drug trade. The customs agents showed him their IDs. He smiled and showed them his ID.....2 star infantry general, US Army. As to why didn't he put down his ruck sack for inspection? It was filled with his camera gear and hence, no products to be inspected. The general was just amused.
BUT say you were of the genre where they pull you aside, over, whatever, all the time? Then the innocent time it happens, you might not be so amused.
Same thing here that when people want me to push aside, put off my life for their convenience, I am tired, so tired of having done that over and over that I am not amused at all.
However, an amusing tidbit to this which can rather illustrate things. Ever come across these lines?
Oscar Madison:
Can't you keep it warm? Felix Ungar:
Who the hell do you think I am, the Magic Chef? I'm lucky I got it to come out at eight o'clock. Wh-wh-what am I gonna do? Oscar Madison:
I dunno, keep pouring gravy on it. Felix Ungar:
Gravy? What gravy? Oscar Madison:
Don't you have any gravy? Felix Ungar:
Where the hell am I gonna get gravy at eight o'clock? Oscar Madison:
I dunno, I though it comes when you cook the meat. Felix Ungar:
[under his breath] Comes when you cook the meat.
[stares at him for a moment] Felix Ungar:
You don't know what you're talking about, Oscar. You just don't know, because you have to MAKE gravy, it doesn't come!
Having played that scene, as Felicia, I sometimes feel like that with those who want me to drop everything I had planned and show up at their door as a princess......or those people who want the programmer to put a push button in the middle of the application.
Maybe instant gratification enables people not to realize just how difficult a lot of things are.
Last edited by TamaraSavannah; 05-09-2022 at 03:13 PM..
Some people seem to have a similar attitude about retired folks.
We don't work, so must have lots time for others.
One example was when I volunteered on book sales for the local school library. We were always looking for help, but the parents of the children who benefited from the sale were always "too busy."
We seniors got tired of hauling heavy boxes of books and quit; the sales were cancelled.
The librarian told me that several parents complained that the sales had been cancelled, but none of them wanted to volunteer.
Some people seem to have a similar attitude about retired folks.
We don't work, so must have lots time for others.
One example was when I volunteered on book sales for the local school library. We were always looking for help, but the parents of the children who benefited from the sale were always "too busy."
We seniors got tired of hauling heavy boxes of books and quit; the sales were cancelled.
The librarian told me that several parents complained that the sales had been cancelled, but none of them wanted to volunteer.
Yeah, a friend of mine 11 years my senior.... Retired and almost immediately was no longer available at the times we used to get together (mostly after work on weeknights). She instituted a "no communication after 7 p.m." rule. So, then we drifted apart quite a lot. Fine. A couple years go by and one of her good close friends commit suicide. Okay, I did hear that out for a while until it continued to get more ridiculous. I mainly shut it down by telling her there's nothing she could have done (the last thing she wanted to hear because she thought she could). I got tired of hearing complaints about the dead person (having to say many times don't talk ill of the dead -- for God sakes, enough already)... Then, years later she gets in trouble with a back injury... ...wants incredible amounts of time to talk through it, complain, etc. I remind that person that we haven't had that relationship where we discussed things a lot for over 5 years. I don't really need someone screaming at me about their insurance issues (after all I do work full time and I get behind in all my stuff). We just aren't that close anymore. I adjusted. We are cordial and friendly and do things together 2-3 times a year. It's light and fun and just social. I was speaking to her the other afternoon. I was really sick (quite fatigued and dizzy and I took that time to catch up and talk while she was doing light work in her garden). It was pretty nice until she brings up subjects that she starts screaming. I simply told her "I don't want to discuss anything you feel you need to scream about; because there's something else going on there..." I am not going to be a Fn punching bag for anyone. Not even someone who at one point was a very close and good friend.
Not all retirees are out there volunteering and doing good things in their community. I find it commendable. Of course you are getting exploited; you are working for free. Probably find a situation (like maybe animals) where your efforts are appreciated (and you can experience that appreciation immediately).
I have always helped people and rarely turn anyone down. It’s gotten worse since I retired. Often it starts with a small favor and then becomes more frequent and can really take on a life of it’s own. Then people go from being grateful to expecting it. I was doing better at boundary setting but a few months ago helped a friend that asked and it became very time consuming and now his family expects it. Now I am holding firm and it’s been interesting to say the least.
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I heard someone tell someone that works in my department that was having car trouble, "ask GiGi, she lives near you, she could give you a ride". Thank goodness he never asked. My response would have been, "that is not going to work for me". <--I like that response best because if you say, "no I can't" it can open up a can of worms, like why can't you?
