Quote:
Originally Posted by pathrunner
The OP has:
1. Stated he's uncomfortable with the people his mother "associates" with.
2. Stated that he's concerned he will suffer because of a potential guardian/caretaker's beliefs and therefore any possible bad and/or unfair treatment of him.
That's all that matter in this discussion. The safety and comfort of the OP. It would be terrible if a guardian were chosen who became abusive because of their beliefs. It happens all the time. Elder abuse, Special Needs abuse, etc.
People want to focus on the rights of the mother. Really now?? According to a lot of posters on this thread, the OP's concerns don't matter as much as the mother's wish to associate with people with whom the OP is uncomfortable and concerned about.
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I disagree, I believe that the safety and comfort of all persons involved, not only the OP, are important.
Should his Mom be making the best decisions she can for his wellbeing, survival, safety, and indeed if possible, comfort?
Yes.
But that might not look like what we would prefer to think. And that's why I do say that his Mom has a place to stand in all of this, somewhere. As well as just some unfortunately harsh truths about the real world and real life. Like, y'know how those of us (I presume you are more socially liberal, as am I) sometimes say that the pro-life crowd are hypocritical because they don't exactly line up to personally adopt every unplanned baby they want to force to term? Well, let's ask ourselves, are all of us very tolerant liberal types lining up to be caregiver for a 40+ year old man with mental disabilities that we've never met? No? Why not?
We really cannot presume to what is AVAILABLE in terms of people that can be counted on to even give a damn enough to help. And as someone who has an adult kid who has issues and needs help, like...I've seen first hand how hard it can be. We had all these so called family friends, and his father who often talks about how much "honor and integrity" he's got and how being "there for his kids" is the only reason he's still alive and blah, blah, blah...but TALK IS CHEAP. When it's time to put up or shut up, suddenly no one has money, no one has time, no one wants to give a kid a couch to crash on, no one wants to be there. As for me, I was for years and I've given orders of magnitude more than anyone, and I still give what I can. But we all have limits, somewhere, somehow, to what we can do.
OP says he is bisexual. I am personally pansexual. But being bi, or pan, does not mean you must at all times be having relations with same sex partners, or partners of both or various sexes. It is quite possible for a person who is bi or pan, to find one partner and commit to them. My marriage is "straight passing." I don't feel any need to cheat or have sex with women just because I am sometimes attracted to them. So frankly, a bisexual person's sexuality and attraction to same sex people or whatever...does not HAVE to be anyone's business. And ordinarily, I'd be the last one to suggest to anybody that they ought to find a way to live comfortably in a closet, but if the alternative is that, say, no one will provide help with survival needs that you REQUIRE to stay alive...like food and shelter... Man, sorry, but a little bit of Maslow's pyramid needs to come into the picture here.
One's survival is somewhat more important than one's comfort.
And before anyone says it, yes, the obvious next thing is that some people who are not accepted in their identity, orientation, etc end up committing suicide. And that is a tragedy, for sure. But you know, sorry but there are some distinctions that, sooner or later, have got to be made. It might suck when family or close people do not accept and embrace us with love, sure. But if you have two parties who are making one another uncomfortable...at some point you have to ask, which of them is doing more aggressive or overt things to push the point of contention and try and force the other to bend? We all know that there are religious people who are very aggressive and in everyone's face trying to start crap and beat other people over the head with their beliefs. Most sane persons do not appreciate that behavior. And there are religious people who are more chill about it, who are true to what they believe, but accept that we each have the freedom to shape our own belief systems. Not everyone is, as someone I know likes to put it, "an a-hole for Jesus."
But y'know what? It is absolutely, 100%, the same frickin' thing when it comes to the LGBTQ+ stuff. We have every right to live, and I am thrilled we get to have our parades and activities...but it isn't right to beat other people over the head with it, if they are willing to live and let live, we need to do that, too. Or at some point, we become the worst of what has harmed us. We become as awful as the guy shouting about us going to hell, when we call someone a bigot over something like pronouns. Like no, maybe that person just isn't one's friend and doesn't have to be...doesn't mean they are ATTACKING anybody. As long as they "disapprove" peaceably and preferably quietly, we need to learn to let that crap GO.
But seriously at this point, all of this, and the specific concern the OP has...is looking like a much less disturbing element, and much less of an alarm bell, to me...than the thoughts I've got about this here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
The OP has also stated that he's not receiving any kind of treatment or therapy or taking advantage of resources and social services for his mental health and neuroatypical needs. He's just been told that he's not street smart and that he should be quiet. Is the mom, as his guardian, truly advocating for her son in a way that could be helpful for both of them?
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Yeah, I seriously wonder. These disorders should be treatable and better outcomes could be had with certain meds for several and maybe all of them. And "street smart?" That isn't something that anyone is born with. That is learned. I fear that OP's Mom has forced him into dependency and possibly (legitimately) gaslighted him into compliance...or something.
Like I don't know what is going on there, but...something ain't right. And it's not the OP's sexual orientation that is the real issue.
Like I'm also getting the sense that OP takes for granted (maybe) that SOMEONE will always be there to take care of him, and like, not only will he never have to worry about lifting a finger for his own support (Mom says he can't...have doctors said so?) but that there are some kind of variety of candidates to be his caregiver once she is gone, and she can pick and choose one who is compatible with his personality.
I really think that an outside perspective is needed. Not for the sake of this conversation, but for the sake of the OP and his future. Someone who can take stock of how disabled he is, whether any treatments could help, and what options
realistically exist if not, for his future care.
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