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We-ll, one thing I have found in the dating world is.......
........that I am so far out of my league. Since I didn't start dating till I was in college and then sparsely, I am stuck back at the high school level. Not only do I never catch up but I am falling further and further behind. For all the events that others experience through life of love, I have never and further, I have no concept at all what it means. That is, how I should be reacting with my heart just is not there.
Last edited by TamaraSavannah; 09-30-2022 at 07:56 AM..
OP, do you feel like you want to physically hurt those you consider your "enemy"? Have you ever been diagnosed with behavioral problems or a cognitive disorder?
OP~ Exactly who are these people that are criticizing your way of living? There are no set rules for any stage of life, if by stage you mean a certain age.
For a little background on why OP posted this so angrily - I'm guessing they were triggered by a thread on the San Francisco forum (what linked me here on the sidebar), where someone commented on how 30 year-olds shouldn't have roommates.
I know 50-somethings in San Francisco who have housemates. Rent is bananas in that market.
My knee-jerk reaction to the OP's post was "how could someone so chill be having such problems connecting with people? " But that's sarcastic and not helpful. The OP sounds like he's in a bad place, perhaps it's cultural, as Sonic said, but at the same time, setting boundaries and managing expectations is important and perhaps therapy is needed to work through why he's so angry.
I'm reading between the lines here... but it sounds to me like maybe the OP met someone (maybe a date) and they judged him/her for not wanting to date seriously (date for marriage), and maybe they were judgmental about his/her career choices or lifestyle also. If that's not the case, then maybe it's their family members judging OP for their lifestyle. Either way, there's no reason to take it to heart.
It's nobody's place to tell you when or if you "should" marry or have kids. Do things at your own pace, if at all. We all live life at our own pace. Some marry young and have kids right away. Others focus on school and career for many years before deciding to settle down. Still others choose a path much different or feel a calling to an unconventional life. All are fine, as long as the person is fulfilled and happy. I'm not sure OP is happy. The ranting about others' expectations suggests that OP needs to do some work on their own self-confidence about their life choices and find polite ways to tell others to mind their own business.
OP, you're still young. Ignore those comments, and be confident that you're in the right place for who you are and what you've been through in life. I'm sorry you had stuff to deal with earlier in life, that held you back. You're not alone in that. All you can do is start where you are now, and work toward where you want to be, while catching up on some essential experiences. People who may lecture you about "life stages" know nothing of your personal background, and you don't owe them any explanation. If you're getting some of this from family, spend less time with them for now.
Good luck. Keep putting one foot in front of the other on your journey, and you'll get where you want to be. And about working to live, although that's harder to do in some housing markets these days, some people are able to achieve that. There are employers who let employees choose to take salary increases in the form of extra time off rather than in cash, for example. Some people manage to use that to schedule extra time to travel throughout the year. It's doable, if you can score a job that pays you enough in the first place.
Seriously. These people are the worst. All they do is judge people just because they don't fit in to their own personal timeline of self-development. EVERYONE DEVELOPS DIFFERENTLY! NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME TIMELINE! And it makes me angry as someone who's almost 29 and has missed out on a lot of experiences in my youth. I'm trying to have those experiences now, but then you have these mouth breathers telling me that I "should be" in some arbitrary life stage. Like I'm not allowed to experience parties, dating for fun, or more youthful friendships, or discovering my passions, or figure out what I want out of life.
According to these scumbags I have to have everything figured out by now. They're the ones who tell me I'm supposed to "focus on career-advancement, settle down, and only date to marry, and have a boring/mature social life without partying." I'm finally now getting to the point where I've accepted my past. But now I'm being told that I am "not allowed" to experience the things I missed out on?! And if you are one of these people, then you are MY ENEMY. But seriously, who are you to tell me what I can or can't do? You just want people to be as miserable as you. That's why you assign age to life stage and enforce age limits on things that shouldn't even have age limits.
And you know what the real kicker is? If I were a few years younger, like 25, these same idiots would be telling me "Oh you're so young, you have time.". But because I'm almost 29 (which is only a few freaking years older, literally in the same age range) these same idiots say "You're 29, that's practically middle aged! You need to be making x amount of money by now, focus on getting those promotions, and settling down/starting a family!". First off I do NOT WANT TO START A FAMILY! Having kids is NOT a requirement for life. Secondly, I need dating experience before I know whether I want to get married or not. Right now I am undecided. I just want to get dating experience without the expectation of settling down. Thirdly, I am NOT career-oriented. I believe in working to live, not living to work. I want to earn enough to make a living. But on my free time I'd rather do things I'm actually interested in/passionate about. Or even just hang out with friends (once I find my group), go on dates (once I start doing that), etc.
Oh and that's another thing. Anyone who judges me for my job title/earnings is NOT WORTH MY TIME. I don't need toxic people like that in my life. People who do that are also my enemy.
I mostly agree with you. mainly i 100% agree with - its your life and no one has the right to determine your life choices. A lot of people do things even older than you that they ordinarily would have done at an earlier age. I went out dancing at age 35 because i missed out on it when i got married earlier in life. i fit right in. now i dont do that, but i wanted to do it so i did. not everyone is cut out for the "norm" - get married in your 20's, have 2 or more kids, etc. lots of us in my family are single, we just didn't want to settle for anyone. thats a worse hell than being single. and more expensive to get out of a bad marriage.
I'd say by age 29 you should have some type of decent job - not just working at Mcdonalds or something. but thats to make your life better for yourself.
I didn't go to college, didn't like school, decided to work my way up the job ladder. learned on the job training, so now i have a career.
Seriously. These people are the worst. All they do is judge people just because they don't fit in to their own personal timeline of self-development. EVERYONE DEVELOPS DIFFERENTLY! NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME TIMELINE! And it makes me angry as someone who's almost 29 and has missed out on a lot of experiences in my youth. I'm trying to have those experiences now, but then you have these mouth breathers telling me that I "should be" in some arbitrary life stage. Like I'm not allowed to experience parties, dating for fun, or more youthful friendships, or discovering my passions, or figure out what I want out of life.
According to these scumbags I have to have everything figured out by now. They're the ones who tell me I'm supposed to "focus on career-advancement, settle down, and only date to marry, and have a boring/mature social life without partying." I'm finally now getting to the point where I've accepted my past. But now I'm being told that I am "not allowed" to experience the things I missed out on?! And if you are one of these people, then you are MY ENEMY. But seriously, who are you to tell me what I can or can't do? You just want people to be as miserable as you. That's why you assign age to life stage and enforce age limits on things that shouldn't even have age limits.
And you know what the real kicker is? If I were a few years younger, like 25, these same idiots would be telling me "Oh you're so young, you have time.". But because I'm almost 29 (which is only a few freaking years older, literally in the same age range) these same idiots say "You're 29, that's practically middle aged! You need to be making x amount of money by now, focus on getting those promotions, and settling down/starting a family!". First off I do NOT WANT TO START A FAMILY! Having kids is NOT a requirement for life. Secondly, I need dating experience before I know whether I want to get married or not. Right now I am undecided. I just want to get dating experience without the expectation of settling down. Thirdly, I am NOT career-oriented. I believe in working to live, not living to work. I want to earn enough to make a living. But on my free time I'd rather do things I'm actually interested in/passionate about. Or even just hang out with friends (once I find my group), go on dates (once I start doing that), etc.
Oh and that's another thing. Anyone who judges me for my job title/earnings is NOT WORTH MY TIME. I don't need toxic people like that in my life. People who do that are also my enemy.
At twenty-nine years of age, especially considering the amount of hate and anger you are clearly carrying around, perhaps order, structure, and goals (date to marry, career-oriented mindset, start a family) is exactly what you need. Because, after reading your rant, I get the impression that you are unhappy with yourself, otherwise you would not care, to this extent, what others think is best for you...
Older people have more wisdom. Perhaps they do not want to see you go down a path they know you will later regret...
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" But that's sarcastic and not helpful. The OP sounds like he's in a bad place, perhaps it's cultural, as Sonic said, but at the same time, setting boundaries and managing expectations is important and perhaps therapy is needed to work through why he's so angry.
