Why do we place almost someone’s entire value in the dating scene on their looks? (complex, adult)
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Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow
The funny thing about dating based upon looks in a photo is that many people re more photogenic than they are in real life, and vice versa. They say that the camera doesn't lie, but Photoshop sure as heck does. I've met people who I've only ever seen their photos, and they look nothing like their photos. So when they meet on a first date, I think people get a few surprises. Looks will only get you in the door, after that you better have something else going on.
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This. You have to really watch out when it come to women. Most men don’t manipulate their photos and have no idea what a good picture of themselves in.
The manipulation many women do with filters etc on their photos makes it a real guessing game. The women wonder why they get ghosted after the first date.
I'll give you, the beautiful looking person, the other side of the coin. I am plain looking. not enough to scare the cat, but enough to not be attractive to those who are looking for a physical beauty. I was sitting at the lunch table with my school classmates, trying to get this one guys' attention, in front of me was a beautiful woman. I could clearly see the body language and facial expression of my guy how he'd look and act, the difference between her and me.
Physical beauty usually get the attention of the men, as they seem to be wired that way, to be attracted to how a woman looks and/or their body shape.
Whenever I browse forums I see people who say stay in your league looks wise and over the years I’ve heard people tell me I was too good looking for my partner and vice versa. Why do we put looks on such a high pedestal to where we think the better looking person is on a higher level and worth more and a lesser attractive person is worth less?
It’s a sad commentary imo when to a lot of people that’s the most important measuring stick on where you are of value in the dating scene. I’d never want to be with such a bore of a person who lacks such depth that that’s where they think most of someone’s value comes from
It's natural that looks are what you notice first. After that, a person reveals who he really is.
Human nature, ever since the first caveman knocked the first cave woman over the head and dragged her into his man cave. He didn't abduct the ugly ones.
Attractiveness is a value. Generally, if you want it, you have to have like value to exchange. Equal looks are an instant value exchange, otherwise you have to get into money, power, status, or celebrity. There is no hiding looks or losing it in a casino.
Attractiveness is so high on the value scale, parents want attractive children to give them the best possible start in life. Why would an attractive person choose to have children with an unattractive person, and risk having homely kids? It happens all the time, but by and large, attractive people want a mate that will give them equally attractive kids.
Even if you never have kids, never even marry, the impetus for it is irresistable.
Sorry, after arguing the looks question in Relationships so dang many times, when I saw the title of this thread, "Why do we..." all I could think was, "We? Who's 'we?' You got a frog in yer pocket?"
Whenever I browse forums I see people who say stay in your league looks wise and over the years I’ve heard people tell me I was too good looking for my partner and vice versa. Why do we put looks on such a high pedestal to where we think the better looking person is on a higher level and worth more and a lesser attractive person is worth less?
It’s a sad commentary imo when to a lot of people that’s the most important measuring stick on where you are of value in the dating scene. I’d never want to be with such a bore of a person who lacks such depth that that’s where they think most of someone’s value comes from
At first meeting, what do you know about a person?
How they think? Nope.
How they act? Nope.
Their standards? Nope.
Their character? Nope.
What DO you know about a person you just met?
Their looks. Yup, very early on, that's it.
If their looks interest you, then you dig a bit deeper and enter the "discovery" phase.
If their looks do not interest you, then you move on.
This. You have to really watch out when it come to women. Most men don’t manipulate their photos and have no idea what a good picture of themselves in.
The manipulation many women do with filters etc on their photos makes it a real guessing game. The women wonder why they get ghosted after the first date.
My buddy is divorced and a serial dater. He is pretty good at eyeballing "errors and omissions" on websites.
Social media can verify things quickly once you get their names. If she is hiding behind the Christmas tree in 2021 photos then she likely isn't a size 2 in 2022.
Among some recents: one woman lied about her age (52 vs. actual 56).........he asked her something that happened in high school (challenger explosion type thing) and she said she was in college......ooops.
Another was 30 lbs heavier than pics. Luckily he met that one for drinks and bailed.
Whenever I browse forums I see people who say stay in your league looks wise and over the years I’ve heard people tell me I was too good looking for my partner and vice versa. Why do we put looks on such a high pedestal to where we think the better looking person is on a higher level and worth more and a lesser attractive person is worth less?
It’s a sad commentary imo when to a lot of people that’s the most important measuring stick on where you are of value in the dating scene. I’d never want to be with such a bore of a person who lacks such depth that that’s where they think most of someone’s value comes from
You look at the reality dating shows like the bachelor. They don't put average or ugly people on there. There was a radio guy named Tom Leykes when I lived in L.A. he might still be on. He said men look for the best looking woman they can attract and women look for the richest guy they can attract. Its a subconscious thing.
If I see a couple where one is much better looking than the other I assume the ugly one must have something really amazing about them to attract the other person.
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
10,355 posts, read 8,581,497 times
Reputation: 16698
Quote:
Originally Posted by City Guy997S
My buddy is divorced and a serial dater. He is pretty good at eyeballing "errors and omissions" on websites.
Social media can verify things quickly once you get their names. If she is hiding behind the Christmas tree in 2021 photos then she likely isn't a size 2 in 2022.
Among some recents: one woman lied about her age (52 vs. actual 56).........he asked her something that happened in high school (challenger explosion type thing) and she said she was in college......ooops.
Another was 30 lbs heavier than pics. Luckily he met that one for drinks and bailed.
We need the truth in advertising to apply here.
I too had a friend that I consider a serious dater. He had a system. Never diner or drinks on the first date. Too expensive for someone you don’t know. If he was interested next date was drinks. After a few drinks he would ask the same questions he asked previously but in a different way. Between that and the drinks he would find a lot of lies they would tell and he could eliminate those.
Unfortunately your looks have implications beyond the dating scene. Attractive waiters/waitresses receive higher tips. Attractive people are more likely to be promoted. Good-looking children get higher grades. Taller men are paid more and receive more promotion opportunities.
Quote:
A new study undertaken by researchers from the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Texas at Austin finds that teens rated as good-looking in high school got higher grades and were ultimately more likely to graduate college and get bigger paychecks as adults.
Well into adulthood, “people’s personal appearance has powerful effects on their life chances,” sociologists Rachel A. Gordon and Robert Crosnoe wrote in a briefing paper prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families. “Our research shows that the critical period in which inequality on the basis of looks establishes itself is in high school.”
Looks also influence our perception of personality. Looks can have a halo effect on us. A joke can be either funny and/or adorably corny or absolutely cringey depending on the looks of the person making the joke.
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