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Old 02-11-2023, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
12,038 posts, read 8,403,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post

But if one is wondering what the wives and families of "normal-seeming" straight cis men who follow trans women on IG would think, then hey...hope for the sake of them and probably tons of other guys that their wives and families never see their browser history.
I'd like to put the responsibility where it belongs.

I've seen the unhappy and potentially dangerous side of this "anonymous" playfulness more than I ever wanted to. This kind of fun can just shred an absent lover/spouse and children.

And I would hope that people who think they are having a little innocent fun stop to think about other commitments and attachments in their lives before they play.

There might have to be some new choices made unless they don't mind getting their kicks potentially hurting others.

And that's where that idea of enjoying the danger of it becomes problematic.
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Old 02-11-2023, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
12,038 posts, read 8,403,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Always Needmore View Post
Back when web access was becoming mainstream (mid 1990s) it was a "thing" for web connected gay guys to pose as female and try to attract lonely men into online friendships just so that once the attraction had progressed, the perp could spring their identity on the victim with a "surprise, you're attracted to men" type gotcha!! I guess they got some kind of reaffirmation thrill out of it. Do you think it's possible that your friend might be gaming his targets for his own amusement? It got to the point where for years I would not even consider any online meet-ups because the risk was just too great.
I got kicked off a good psychology forum for outing a guy who was playing that game with some of the cis men on there and it was so humiliating to watch that I finally spoke up. SMH.

After that the guy stalked me wanting to know how I spotted him. It was really unpleasant and did little for good public relations, you know? Totally felt like a spider and fly situation.
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Old 02-11-2023, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
12,038 posts, read 8,403,014 times
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I wouldn't rule out curiosity as one of the largest reasons to check out web sites that are out of the norm. And like any interesting story a person can become interested enough to follow along like a serial.

I see that as a positive way to introduce people to the concept and allow them to develop their own opinions of the issue.
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Old 02-11-2023, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,518 posts, read 34,807,002 times
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There's other possible reasons... say on TikTok or other videos. They may have non-gendered content that the male followers may find interesting... anything from hobbies to politics.
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Old 02-12-2023, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Kansas
25,939 posts, read 22,089,429 times
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Maybe the straight men are just kidding around with their comments, and getting a kick out of doing it. And, I am confused as a "trans man" is a woman transitioning to be a man, right?

OK, I see that was clarified on Page 4.

Maybe these people know this person from some venue in life also. Not everyone is constantly thinking about sexual stuff.
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Old 02-12-2023, 06:55 PM
 
30,140 posts, read 11,765,050 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
This, pretty much. Wasn't Hugh Grant or Eddie Murphy (or both?) caught with a trans sex worker at one point?
Danny Bonaduce is another.
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Old 02-16-2023, 05:51 PM
 
2,555 posts, read 2,677,377 times
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Some people might be more attracted to facial appearances rather than sex. Not everyone necessarily cares for penetration or penetrating. So, you could have a straight man authentically be attracted to a transwoman or a gay man be attracted to a transman. It may less likely happen, but it can and does.
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Old 02-17-2023, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,363 posts, read 14,636,289 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chessimprov View Post
Some people might be more attracted to facial appearances rather than sex. Not everyone necessarily cares for penetration or penetrating. So, you could have a straight man authentically be attracted to a transwoman or a gay man be attracted to a transman. It may less likely happen, but it can and does.
And here's the one thing about that, that really makes me roll my eyes and throw up my hands at "normal" society... Meaning the more traditional, I guess socially conservative-ish way of thinking...

Everyone from the kind of Leather/kink communities that I've been a part of to gay people and particularly bi and pan people have had to deal with an ignorant accusation that we are "obsessed with sex." I guess mostly because we don't tend to see it as this filthy, furtive thing. We admit that we want and enjoy sex, and don't view it as a disgusting duty that must be performed to make babies, or try to say that it can only be OK if it's purified and sanctified by marriage.

And yet sooooo many people that I've known in these communities are pretty much the opposite of obsessed with sex, though.

Most bi and pansexual people I've known...it isn't that they are attracted sexually to everyone, it's more that the first question they ask when trying to decide if any given person is appealing is NOT "what are the configuration of your genitals?"

They just aren't obsessed with that.

The vast majority of activities I've witnessed at kink/BDSM/Leather parties has no contact or stimulation of anyone's genitals involved. It has more in common with therapeutic massage, really, or acupuncture perhaps. I've known TONS of asexuals in those groups. And I once attended a class that was pretty much centered around ways to have a sex life that accommodates disabilities, so that hey if a spouse ends up in a wheelchair one day you can still find ways to have a fairly normal degree of intimacy. I've gone to ongoing class series in this community on subjects like effective communication, mental health first aid, philosophy and mindfulness.

They just aren't obsessed with sex.
(And in fact it was part of the movement to establish these clubs and communities and classes to encourage gay men to explore other means of physical stimulation and intimacy to avoid exposure to AIDS back in the 80s. This whole thing has been actively discussed at conferences that I've attended.)


I dunno, I just too often see people who pride themselves as being the epitome of normalcy and want to smirk and scold at those who are not, as being massive hypocrites. Who are mostly insecure about their own shame around their own sexual thoughts, and so have to project and accuse others of being dirty and obsessed. I think the part that makes them very uncomfortable is that the weirdos don't feel shame. And the more visible they are and obviously unashamed, the louder the shrieks of outrage about it.

But I will give the "normal people" some nods of understanding on some points, though. When the less normal types go further and further to push boundaries of expected behavior it does eventually...somewhere...end up looking like attention seeking and outrage provoking for its own sake. It can. I won't deny that it is a thing. I was certainly into "scaring the squares" and "freaking out the normies" as a teenager, but it is edgy and immature behavior and I outgrew it. I mean, I'm still unashamed of my sexuality, and that may manifest as a willingness to discuss subjects others may not, but I try very hard NOT to be "in your face" about things because as one grows up, I think that one should learn the value in being respectful to others.

I also had kids. And raised kids. And you know, I self-censored a lot around my kids, I understand very well wanting a wholesome environment to raise kids in.

And all of this may seem off-topic but I don't know that it is really. Because there's a lot of ideological baggage that feeds into people's thinking about this kind of stuff. If not, then this thread would have been about whether it's OK for a married man to be following attractive others on social media and it would not have specified a kind of gender identity at all. Because that's sort of the looming bigger picture question...some monogamous, married people won't be all that comfortable if they feel that their spouse is lurking and drooling over the social media presence of ANY other person, full stop. I mean, we've discussed in the Relationships forum how people feel about porn, too. Some are a lot more OK with it than others.

But I kinda feel that a massive number of "normal" men out there defend a man's right to look at it, and for no one to question what kind he looks at, and to enjoy his solo time with it as a private matter...and yet no matter how much they do, as long as they keep it hidden well enough they feel secure in their clean outward personas as "not like those weird sex obsessed freaks out there" or whatever... Still feels hypocritical but yanno. Whatever.
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Old 02-18-2023, 09:14 AM
 
2,555 posts, read 2,677,377 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
And here's the one thing about that, that really makes me roll my eyes and throw up my hands at "normal" society... Meaning the more traditional, I guess socially conservative-ish way of thinking...

Everyone from the kind of Leather/kink communities that I've been a part of to gay people and particularly bi and pan people have had to deal with an ignorant accusation that we are "obsessed with sex." I guess mostly because we don't tend to see it as this filthy, furtive thing. We admit that we want and enjoy sex, and don't view it as a disgusting duty that must be performed to make babies, or try to say that it can only be OK if it's purified and sanctified by marriage.

And yet sooooo many people that I've known in these communities are pretty much the opposite of obsessed with sex, though.

.. .

And all of this may seem off-topic but I don't know that it is really. Because there's a lot of ideological baggage that feeds into people's thinking about this kind of stuff. If not, then this thread would have been about whether it's OK for a married man to be following attractive others on social media and it would not have specified a kind of gender identity at all. Because that's sort of the looming bigger picture question...some monogamous, married people won't be all that comfortable if they feel that their spouse is lurking and drooling over the social media presence of ANY other person, full stop. I mean, we've discussed in the Relationships forum how people feel about porn, too. Some are a lot more OK with it than others.

But I kinda feel that a massive number of "normal" men out there defend a man's right to look at it, and for no one to question what kind he looks at, and to enjoy his solo time with it as a private matter...and yet no matter how much they do, as long as they keep it hidden well enough they feel secure in their clean outward personas as "not like those weird sex obsessed freaks out there" or whatever... Still feels hypocritical but yanno. Whatever.

Entertainment likes to play on this ideology. Euphoria HBO series is a great example of this!

I wish people in real life weren't so hypocritical. It's okay to have your preferences and to have those preferences change, but there are also healthy ways to deal with it. Unfortunately money and reputation are big factors that people let overtake them too much too Ideally, and very possibly, we all can deal with our situations and changing situations in ways that don't negatively affect other people. In reality, many people are too selfish to "do the right things in right ways."
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Old 02-18-2023, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
2,045 posts, read 782,588 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oklazona Bound View Post
Danny Bonaduce is another.
He didn't know it was a man, then beat him up.
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