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Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hankrigby
There's actually a door for you and I think if you step through it you'll find a lot more happiness. You are what you are you probably can't change the shape of your face or certain parts of your body. But you may find people that don't care. Learn to accept the things you cannot change and find the strength to change the things that you can and look for the wisdom to know the difference.
I don't think people do dismiss the struggles they just don't like to think about it.
I agree. All we can do is try to be our best version of ourselves. I will admit I haven't had the same struggles as the OP. But as a tall person I have had to deal with some of the usual suspects. So I do have some experience. This may sound cliche. But if I have to change me to get you to like me then you really dont like me. OP live your life. Be happy.
Its not so much that they dont want to think about it. Its more like they're more concerned about their own personal struggles. Youre worrying if theyre noticing xyz about you and youre not even on their radar. All they're concerned about is if everyone noticing xyz about them.
Has there been any reference to the movie "Welcome To The Dollhouse" that came out in the 90s? It portrays much of what the OP initially stated but with a few twists. In the movie the young girl is less attractive than her peers and siblings, has self confidence issues, and as a result gets the chit end of the stick in almost all of her endeavors despite trying to be a good person. Her own family downgrades her for being "sub-par", and she's constantly punished because she's the easy scapegoat. Boys get the upper hand on her with sexual threats because she appears weak and unwanted. Other girls tease her relentlessly and and call her "lesbo" just to be mean. In real life this all adds up on a person and can't just be brushed off as a pesky nuisance. I'm curious how the movie came to be and if it was based on someone's personal experience as a push back.
As one of the posters pointed out, it's WOMEN who dismiss the struggles of unattractive women the most. That's because women are competitive to get the best men. The attractive ones can be really smug. Why should they care about a few unattractive women who are lowest on the totem pole? It doesn't affect them one iota. They are too busy juggling multiple admirers, they don't see the unattractive women on the sidelines trying desperately to fix their acne or weight or get better hairstyles or makeup or clothes to try to look more attractive. So sad.
Lately I've noticed how big breasted women tend to flaunt and display their assets and smugly enjoy how men drool over them whereas smaller built women are overlooked. It's so unfair. This creates a huge disparity between women that really affects another woman's ability to find a relationship. Men don't have to deal with this type of physical disparity to find someone.
Has there been any reference to the movie "Welcome To The Dollhouse" that came out in the 90s? It portrays much of what the OP initially stated but with a few twists. In the movie the young girl is less attractive than her peers and siblings, has self confidence issues, and as a result gets the chit end of the stick in almost all of her endeavors despite trying to be a good person. Her own family downgrades her for being "sub-par", and she's constantly punished because she's the easy scapegoat. Boys get the upper hand on her with sexual threats because she appears weak and unwanted. Other girls tease her relentlessly and and call her "lesbo" just to be mean. In real life this all adds up on a person and can't just be brushed off as a pesky nuisance. I'm curious how the movie came to be and if it was based on someone's personal experience as a push back.
That's interesting, I just watched that movie again the other day after not seeing it in years. It was a really good move in my opinion...kind of dark. That girl had it rough... and honestly, she wouldn't have looked to homely if she got rid of the glasses, learned to dress better and did something with her hair..
As one of the posters pointed out, it's WOMEN who dismiss the struggles of unattractive women the most. That's because women are competitive to get the best men. The attractive ones can be really smug. Why should they care about a few unattractive women who are lowest on the totem pole? It doesn't affect them one iota. They are too busy juggling multiple admirers, they don't see the unattractive women on the sidelines trying desperately to fix their acne or weight or get better hairstyles or makeup or clothes to try to look more attractive. So sad.
Lately I've noticed how big breasted women tend to flaunt and display their assets and smugly enjoy how men drool over them whereas smaller built women are overlooked. It's so unfair. This creates a huge disparity between women that really affects another woman's ability to find a relationship. Men don't have to deal with this type of physical disparity to find someone.
Men who choose women by breast size are not the best men. lol. Most large breasted (or big bootied) women are sexualized and have dealt with some awful behavior from men. A woman who doesn't have those exaggerated features stands a better chance of finding a decent partner, without dealing with the objectifying BS.
Yes if women go out together the most attractive one will get all the attention. She may not notice the others not getting as much attention or if she does she may feel bad about it but what is she supposed to say. But this attention is superficial and generally will not result in anything of any substance. The most beautiful woman I know had lots of boyfriends and took her own life.
Men who choose women by breast size are not the best men. lol. Most large breasted (or big bootied) women are sexualized and have dealt with some awful behavior from men. A woman who doesn't have those exaggerated features stands a better chance of finding a decent partner, without dealing with the objectifying BS.
Some men will really overestimate how much women are performing for the male gaze or are being provocative on purpose. Well-endowed women have a hard enough time finding tops that fit and won't gap and stretch, and they exist in the world as humans whether or not some guys want to gape at their chest.
As one of the posters pointed out, it's WOMEN who dismiss the struggles of unattractive women the most. That's because women are competitive to get the best men. The attractive ones can be really smug. Why should they care about a few unattractive women who are lowest on the totem pole? It doesn't affect them one iota. They are too busy juggling multiple admirers, they don't see the unattractive women on the sidelines trying desperately to fix their acne or weight or get better hairstyles or makeup or clothes to try to look more attractive. So sad.
Lately I've noticed how big breasted women tend to flaunt and display their assets and smugly enjoy how men drool over them whereas smaller built women are overlooked. It's so unfair. This creates a huge disparity between women that really affects another woman's ability to find a relationship. Men don't have to deal with this type of physical disparity to find someone.
I'm sorry but this whole "women compete with other women for the best men" thing... I can envision it among teenagers in high school, and really poor, uneducated, rough and low class people (not slamming poor people altogether, pointing to some very specific sorts who tend to be part of generations of poverty, and while these do tend to racially segregate in the US, my first mental image was trailer park and not ghetto, so...) Like there are some little social enclaves where I can imagine women hating other women and "competing" for the "best" men. Meaning the best among generally pretty bad options. Immature kids in high school, or...the likely alcoholics and deadbeats around them.
But people who manage to either be fortunate enough to arrive in adulthood in "middle class" or better circumstances, or who climb out of poverty and into such (that would have been me, which is why I'm speaking to this)... Mature and at least moderately successful, intelligent women, do not feel that we are in competition about our breast size or for men. We don't hate each other. There are plenty of men around, if one doesn't like what's under our shirt, another will, and if that's the criteria he's judging on...we probably don't think he's the "best."
I think I might be pointing to living environments in general where people are under a great deal of stress and feel a lot of "survival instinct" as opposed to situations where people/women feel at least SOME sense of security and we can then take a step up the Maslow's pyramid and be more healthy towards each other.
But in a general sense, I've always thought that yeah men do tend to care more about looks than women do, but that doesn't mean that they all care about just one specific measurable metric like breast size, or that there's one way to measure what beauty looks like. Different men have different preferences and some are more particular than others.
One of my husband's business partners sent some crude things to him about women's bodies. This guy is supposed to be a professional and is in his early sixties. My husband is NOT like that, he was deflecting the conversation to other things. Apparently the guy does it with everybody, but of course in a "funny joking" way. I just think it's gross. He's even pushed the line with me. I get it with young immature men but it's just creepy when older men go there, at least when it is uninvited.
It's like some men are chronically obsessed with women's bodies. I do know a bisexual woman who is kind of like that too. Always talking about breasts, got implants herself and always making comments about breasts. I don't get it, I really don't. I don't think I'm stuck on any particular aesthetic, in my lifetime I've been attracted to a wide variety of people with very different physical characteristics.
Some men will really overestimate how much women are performing for the male gaze or are being provocative on purpose. Well-endowed women have a hard enough time finding tops that fit and won't gap and stretch, and they exist in the world as humans whether or not some guys want to gape at their chest.
Yeah, thanks! This is the reason I utterly abhor shopping so much. Nothing fits. I spent days in an upscale swimsuit shop in SoCal and still ended up with ill-fitting tops (same with custom online orders). I need help getting them on and off. I hate it when more is displayed than I'd like, but it's hard to cover it all up too. People gotta realize that what looks good on normal-sized chests, looks slutty on some of us, so we are like 90 per cent limited in what we can wear.
I suppose it helped with dating. But I married a non-boob guy, lol. He feels sorry for me!
You're not alone there. Some of us are on the opposite spectrum. I've always been flat chested and shopping for bras/swimsuits is a quick way to crush self confidence. Padded bras are a must, otherwise I look like a double masectomy patient and tops just don't fit nicely.
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