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Now that I think of it I do recall getting a good amount of body shaming insults from men, some were even relatives. I think if girls/women do it to other women it tends to be behind their backs or by passive aggressive remarks. But men will say it to your face and even laugh at you. It is quite cruel and I don't understand it. I've even seen looks of disgust toward women if men don't find them attractive. They do not want to engage with you or they lash out and insult. I know women do it to men too. I think the internet has more leveled things out though.
I do think height for men has become more of an issue lately. I do not recall height being a real concern in the past. The guy picked most attractive in my graduating class was about 5'6. Now I see women online teasing men for being under six feet. wth.
Can we just stop this, yes people do struggle if they are being ignored, mocked, shamed, for their appearance, of course they do.
Male height seems to be the one “body shame” that’s still socially acceptable to do.
Which is weird since it’s arguably the single most important physical dating attribute or lack of
As a short dude your told to just eat it and if it affects you at all it’s short man’s syndrome so you can’t win
Male height seems to be the one “body shame” that’s still socially acceptable to do.
Which is weird since it’s arguably the single most important physical dating attribute or lack of
As a short dude your told to just eat it and if it affects you at all it’s short man’s syndrome so you can’t win
Yes although I know some very confident shorter men who have no problem dating.
But there is some brutal height shaming out there towards men, it is wrong. Like with fat shaming of women it is important not to let it make one bitter. There are women who have had bad experiences with shorter men who were insecure and overcompensating.
Well the worst taunting and shaming came from my brother in law and I was only sixteen years old. He would do it on holidays when I was trapped with him and my parents wouldn't do anything. He even talked about my mother's breasts (compared favorably to mine) and my father didn't say a thing. I lost so much respect for my parents then. But sometimes you have parents, siblings- first degree relatives engaging in this behavior themselves and one must weigh if it is worth cutting contact with them over this issue. Many a dad has called his daughter chubby or some "cute" nickname for fat girl. Moms who pit sisters against each other, which one is the pretty one. Even with decent self worth it feels bad and people who care about you shouldn't make you feel that way.
I agree re: folks you care about (or vice versa) don’t/shouldn’t do this; that said, you can choose to address it head-on, as you are an adult, or simply stop associating with them (as this sounds like a heap of dysfunction). If you have an active, positive life with friends (or a romantic partner) you can talk to/trust, you’ll find it’s much easier to acquire or maintain your psychological health (whereby no one can ‘make you’ feel badly, particularly those who clearly have their own issues).
I can sympathize with this.. but there are breast implants... I know it's a surgical procedure and expensive, but it can be life-changing..
I'm against cosmetic surgery just for vanity reasons. I find it absurd that cultures and societies impose such drastic physical alterations for women, whether for fashion trends or to become more "desirable" to the opposite sex. Very Stepford-ey. Ribcage-deforming corsets and foot binding are similar examples.
Privately, I'm glad I have small boobs as opposed to two huge masses to lug around, and less to sag as I get older. What makes it a struggle are the rude and hurtful comments received from others because I don't fit into some cultural norm. Before the advent of breast implants it was common to see smaller breasted women, I notice it in movies and photos from, say, the 60s and 70s. There weren't the same pressures to be big and busty like there are nowadays.
I'm against cosmetic surgery just for vanity reasons. I find it absurd that cultures and societies impose such drastic physical alterations for women, whether for fashion trends or to become more "desirable" to the opposite sex. Very Stepford-ey. Ribcage-deforming corsets and foot binding are similar examples.
Privately, I'm glad I have small boobs as opposed to two huge masses to lug around, and less to sag as I get older. What makes it a struggle are the rude and hurtful comments received from others because I don't fit into some cultural norm. Before the advent of breast implants it was common to see smaller breasted women, I notice it in movies and photos from, say, the 60s and 70s. There weren't the same pressures to be big and busty like there are nowadays.
This seems odd to me though, the "rude and hurtful comments" part.
Like I get if we're talking about high school or something. As I've said...young people can be very mean. But as an adult, I've already mentioned that my breast size diminished dramatically after having kids, and I have not had any other adults in the world around me make disparaging remarks on that.
Well. I mean, other than my ex husband during our end-of-marriage fights, where he dished out every insult he could think of while waving a gun at me, but in a situation like that, I would THINK that one wouldn't take such comments to heart. Psychos gonna psycho and all. He could have been furiously shouting out the lines to a Disney tune and it wouldn't have made much difference, y'know?
Actually I think that having a rather nondescript build lets me fly pretty comfortably under the radar and interact with strangers as just..."people"...which is what I want... Whereas some ladies with huge bosoms are at risk of being seen as more sexualized in everyday life, where it's not necessarily wanted. It's really nice to be able to have some control over which situations generate sexual attention, and which ones don't.
The only time that I feel any kind of "pressure" to be more busty than I am, is when I see an article of clothing like a swimsuit or dress or low cut top, that I really like but I know that I could not "fill it out" properly, it wouldn't look right on me the way it does on the model or the mannequin or whatever... That is pretty much the only time I feel a way about it. And I'm not envisioning wearing that hot item of clothing and preening under the gaze of men, I'm imagining putting it on and looking in a mirror and liking what I see.
I still very much think that most of how women feel about our appearance, it's more from within ourselves than it is from fussing about what men think, unless we have a specific man in mind that we would like to please. I also think that some guys struggle with the notion that not everything is all about them all the time.
I remember many many years ago, my best friend at the time, her husband, and myself were having a conversation about body types, and what men liked.
My friend was on the tall, slim side, small breasted, but legs that went on for miles. I was more 'voluptous' , with somewhat short legs. Average legs, at best.
My friend thought that all men were into breasts, but then her husband spoke up and said he'd always been a leg and ass type guy, and he thought his wife was HOT (and she was.)
I think probably ALL girls have been made fun of over some body feature. Often, yes, it's our boobs. I think boys are kind of intimidated by them...and frankly, I think WE are too...our bodies are changing, through no say-so of our own, and our bazingas are drawing attention we didn't ask for or want. But that name-calling, those wolf-whistles, the stares, the laughs...they come at a critical time in our lives, and it has a place in our psyche for life.
I used to say "If I knew how much power these boobs have over the guys, I would'nt have been so intimidated by the guys."
This seems odd to me though, the "rude and hurtful comments" part.
Like I get if we're talking about high school or something. As I've said...young people can be very mean. But as an adult, I've already mentioned that my breast size diminished dramatically after having kids, and I have not had any other adults in the world around me make disparaging remarks on that.
Well. I mean, other than my ex husband during our end-of-marriage fights, where he dished out every insult he could think of while waving a gun at me, but in a situation like that, I would THINK that one wouldn't take such comments to heart. Psychos gonna psycho and all. He could have been furiously shouting out the lines to a Disney tune and it wouldn't have made much difference, y'know?
Actually I think that having a rather nondescript build lets me fly pretty comfortably under the radar and interact with strangers as just..."people"...which is what I want... Whereas some ladies with huge bosoms are at risk of being seen as more sexualized in everyday life, where it's not necessarily wanted. It's really nice to be able to have some control over which situations generate sexual attention, and which ones don't.
The only time that I feel any kind of "pressure" to be more busty than I am, is when I see an article of clothing like a swimsuit or dress or low cut top, that I really like but I know that I could not "fill it out" properly, it wouldn't look right on me the way it does on the model or the mannequin or whatever... That is pretty much the only time I feel a way about it. And I'm not envisioning wearing that hot item of clothing and preening under the gaze of men, I'm imagining putting it on and looking in a mirror and liking what I see.
I still very much think that most of how women feel about our appearance, it's more from within ourselves than it is from fussing about what men think, unless we have a specific man in mind that we would like to please. I also think that some guys struggle with the notion that not everything is all about them all the time.
Which is why they get so irritated if things don't look the way they would like them to. Otherwise why come up to a stranger in a music venue and insult them for how they look in their halter dress. My mom had it happen to her too. The man-boy told her she was beautiful except for her chest and how he couldn't really be attracted to her because of it and how it bummed him out so badly, she said he was truly upset. And mom had more than I do. I don't know what is wrong with these people. The entitlement is astounding, as well as the rudeness to actually say this to the woman, there's nothing they can do except get implants. Not that they would or should.
I would need to know if a man I dated or was in a relationship with is a breast guy, and just tolerating or accepting my body type, because that wouldn't work for me. My husband is not one, he does not like large breasts I know this. To be honest I'm really turned off by guys who have that taste, even as friends or acquaintances- they've never had the type of personality that meshes with mine. I mean, if you are a breast man you are always looking at women's chests right? Ugh.
As one of the posters pointed out, it's WOMEN who dismiss the struggles of unattractive women the most. That's because women are competitive to get the best men. The attractive ones can be really smug. Why should they care about a few unattractive women who are lowest on the totem pole? It doesn't affect them one iota. They are too busy juggling multiple admirers, they don't see the unattractive women on the sidelines trying desperately to fix their acne or weight or get better hairstyles or makeup or clothes to try to look more attractive. So sad.
Lately I've noticed how big breasted women tend to flaunt and display their assets and smugly enjoy how men drool over them whereas smaller built women are overlooked. It's so unfair. This creates a huge disparity between women that really affects another woman's ability to find a relationship. Men don't have to deal with this type of physical disparity to find someone.
I don't think that's the case at all. I think by dismissing their struggles, OP is talking about how men who have problems meeting women, don't think women have the same problem. They think all women have options for sex, and therefore it's only men who get overlooked. They think even unattractive women have more options then unattractive men. That's what is meant by dismissed in this context.
I don't think it's true. Sure, an unattractive woman can stand on the street and lift her skirt and get a man to give her a quickie, but no woman wants that.
Which is why they get so irritated if things don't look the way they would like them to. Otherwise why come up to a stranger in a music venue and insult them for how they look in their halter dress. My mom had it happen to her too. The man-boy told her she was beautiful except for her chest and how he couldn't really be attracted to her because of it and how it bummed him out so badly, she said he was truly upset. And mom had more than I do. I don't know what is wrong with these people. The entitlement is astounding, as well as the rudeness to actually say this to the woman, there's nothing they can do except get implants. Not that they would or should.
I would need to know if a man I dated or was in a relationship with is a breast guy, and just tolerating or accepting my body type, because that wouldn't work for me. My husband is not one, he does not like large breasts I know this. To be honest I'm really turned off by guys who have that taste, even as friends or acquaintances- they've never had the type of personality that meshes with mine. I mean, if you are a breast man you are always looking at women's chests right? Ugh.
I guess I don't hang out in places where people come up and just make comments about one's body like that. My time (as a grown adult) in bars has been pretty limited to pool league, and the clientele in those bars tended to be anywhere from working class to one pool hall that often had pretty sketchy people hanging around...still no one was coming up to women with nasty comments, not that I saw or heard.
Although I did get groped one time. But it wasn't by a dude, it was a very drunk woman on Ladies' League night. Drunk women can get pretty freakin' unruly!
I mean, you would think, given that I am not shy about the fact that I go to exclusive parties of a very adult nature that feature a lot of nudity and adult activity...that if anything, you'd have people there saying stuff. But one only ever hears compliments there. It's a very kind space, and very accepting of a wide range of body types. I don't even hear anybody saying body shaming comments behind people's backs when they are not around.
I think, when it comes to men I'm involved with intimately, that while I might appreciate them telling me what they find attractive and sexy about me, I would prefer not hearing them discuss women as though talking about which cut of the Thanksgiving turkey they always prefer to eat.
But just about all of the negative comments about my looks came from other kids when I was in school, or from my Mother at any point (she is weird and unfiltered and wouldn't hesitate to tell me she thought my butt was getting too fat)... and just about all of the inappropriate sexual comments from random strangers out in the wild otherwise, came from grown men when I was age 12-17ish.
I think that if a man in a bar came up and said something like you describe, to me, I would tell him it sounded like a personal problem to bring up with his therapist if he's that upset about it. It would register to me as just...utterly ridiculous.
I don't think that's the case at all. I think by dismissing their struggles, OP is talking about how men who have problems meeting women, don't think women have the same problem. They think all women have options for sex, and therefore it's only men who get overlooked. They think even unattractive women have more options then unattractive men. That's what is meant by dismissed in this context.
I don't think it's true. Sure, an unattractive woman can stand on the street and lift her skirt and get a man to give her a quickie, but no woman wants that.
Those men do NOT understand that. THEY want it so they think if she can get it then she is in a superior position to them. It's more of the same, only thinking of their own desires and not thinking about any other POV.
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Even with decent self worth it feels bad and people who care about you shouldn't make you feel that way.
