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Old 10-21-2023, 11:54 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,764 posts, read 19,984,458 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Why should "happy people" feel the need to post "special occasions/vacations" and other "happy events"? It's all exhibitionism and for attention, whether they're positive or negative posts. The longer you DON'T do it yourself, the more clearly you see this and the sicker the whole thing seems. I haven't posted anything in forever. It finally occurred to me that no one really cares; they're all busy posting about their OWN lives!
You have a point. However, I do "like" my friends posts, because I am genuinely happy when they are on vacation and happy about it. I also appreciate announcements that some of my friends do, like invitations.
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Old 10-21-2023, 03:32 PM
 
11,081 posts, read 6,898,296 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaByrd View Post
If there is one thing I cannot STAND about social media, it's the toxic positivity. It's a form of gaslighting to me. It minimizes very real conditions like depression, anxiety, etc. It makes people feel like the things that are upsetting to them are not valid reasons to be upset, and like they're wrong for being upset about them when it's only normal to have negative feelings at times. No one should feel shame if they are down in the dumps, have a bad day, are going through a tough time, or have a mental illness. I don't follow people and pages that post toxic positivity.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is...tivity-5093958
Agree with this. Social media is not real life and for me it gets really annoying. People don't want to hear about struggles, even people you've known for most of your life. Yes, they will express condolences over a death, or a catastrophic illness but basically they ignore everything else, deeming it "inappropriate."

The link you provided TeaByrd, is very good. I stopped going to a certain church because it was so full of toxic positivity, and many people were shunned for not having perfect lives, and/or having difficulties ("you brought it all on yourself" which is absolutely not true a lot of the time).

I saw someone on here call Facebook "Farcebook" which is a really good description - same as "Fakebook." I like FB for the interest groups and that's 95% of what I'm there for, for a long time now. But even then I don't participate much.

I recently had an experience on Facebook that really disturbed me. I was concerned that a family member might be in danger (was at a festival). Not one person commented or even dropped an emoji. There are a lot of reasons for this, but I think it's mostly the FB algorithm. I have my ideas why so many people came back and said "I didn't see your post." If friends aren't going to see my posts, why should I bother with posting? These are people who are usually on my page and I'm theirs. The algorithm should have driven them to my post, but it didn't. (Of course, not everyone or even a high percentage of FB friends are going to see the post.)

That's why more and more I've come to think of Facebook as Farcebook, along with the toxic positivity and refusal to be real about their lives. How many of these people are truly happy all the time? How many people are actually faking it while suffering in silence?
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Old 10-21-2023, 04:50 PM
 
880 posts, read 463,257 times
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l hate sm , so not real , fake , just seems to cause so much unnatural not reality bs. Man the stuff and bs you watch and hear people going through with it, especially our young people, it's just bloody ridiculous .
l'd think if you are truly friends or family in reality, in RL,you actually really do see and know ea other in person, do things or visit in reality, then yeah ok maybe it's a handy way to keep in touch or touch base.
But otherwise, just like in forums, no one even knows the people in reality or real life, they supposedly call friends. They're aren't friends, they have no idea who you really are and prob couldn't spend 5mins with ea other face to face in RL.

l've never used it either does my partner, being in a few forums is about as close as l'll ever get. But l've never been under any delusions whatsoever that you even remotely actually know anyone in forums either or them you.
Apart from the very rare exception of a couple of v good true friends l have made in forums that became RL real friends. But eh, 2 people in 20 yrs.

Last edited by randomx; 10-21-2023 at 04:59 PM..
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Old 10-21-2023, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,398 posts, read 14,678,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Why should "happy people" feel the need to post "special occasions/vacations" and other "happy events"? It's all exhibitionism and for attention, whether they're positive or negative posts. The longer you DON'T do it yourself, the more clearly you see this and the sicker the whole thing seems. I haven't posted anything in forever. It finally occurred to me that no one really cares; they're all busy posting about their OWN lives!
Quote:
Originally Posted by pathrunner View Post
Agree with this. Social media is not real life and for me it gets really annoying. People don't want to hear about struggles, even people you've known for most of your life. Yes, they will express condolences over a death, or a catastrophic illness but basically they ignore everything else, deeming it "inappropriate."

The link you provided TeaByrd, is very good. I stopped going to a certain church because it was so full of toxic positivity, and many people were shunned for not having perfect lives, and/or having difficulties ("you brought it all on yourself" which is absolutely not true a lot of the time).

I saw someone on here call Facebook "Farcebook" which is a really good description - same as "Fakebook." I like FB for the interest groups and that's 95% of what I'm there for, for a long time now. But even then I don't participate much.

I recently had an experience on Facebook that really disturbed me. I was concerned that a family member might be in danger (was at a festival). Not one person commented or even dropped an emoji. There are a lot of reasons for this, but I think it's mostly the FB algorithm. I have my ideas why so many people came back and said "I didn't see your post." If friends aren't going to see my posts, why should I bother with posting? These are people who are usually on my page and I'm theirs. The algorithm should have driven them to my post, but it didn't. (Of course, not everyone or even a high percentage of FB friends are going to see the post.)

That's why more and more I've come to think of Facebook as Farcebook, along with the toxic positivity and refusal to be real about their lives. How many of these people are truly happy all the time? How many people are actually faking it while suffering in silence?

I really just don't understand these mindsets, but that's why we all have the freedom to hide other people's posts, unfriend, unfollow, or just not participate in social media at all, I guess.

As oh-eve said, when my friends, acquaintances and loved ones are sharing that they're having a happy moment, or doing something fun, or vacationing somewhere beautiful, I DO want to see that. I feel happy for them. Not for one instant do I see a picture like that and think, "Gah, they are just showing off and it's probably fake, I bet they are MISERABLE and why don't they just tell us all how much they are suffering instead?"

I mean. Good lord. Do you think that everyone's life is miserable, if not overtly then surely in private?

I've got a happy life and I'm not going to be embarrassed of it or hide it just because some other people don't. I'm sorry that anyone has struggles, and genuinely wish everybody well. That isn't fake. If I share a happy vacation photo, it's because I'm genuinely enjoying being somewhere, I probably had to save and wait YEARS to make it happen, and my enjoyment of it isn't to show off or be fake. If anybody sees it and it makes them feel bad that I'm doing a fun thing and they are not, then they can do as I recommend above...unfriend me, preferably, because frankly I do not want anyone in my life who wishes for me to share how miserable I am so they can feel like their own unhappy life is more "normal" or "real" or whatever that's about. If a lack of suffering on my part is a problem for anybody, they clearly aren't my friend.

This really reminds me of the area where I grew up, the DC region, Northern Virginia. I knew so many people who took such pride in surviving hardship, and there was so little casual friendliness, everyone was stressed and neurotic and hostile it felt like. I used to say, "why would a stranger wish me a nice day? So fake. They don't know me! They don't care what kind of a day I have! Quit blowing sunshine up my butt!" That was when I was an edgy goth teenager. Then I moved away, and when I first got to the Midwest and a cashier at some fast food place was smiling a big bright smile at me, I was like, "What? What's funny? What are you looking at?" But after living there for a while, I realized I actually like it when people are nice. I like being nice to people. And the longer you do it, the less fake it is. I may not "care" enough to get all deeply invested in what kind of a day a stranger is having, but I generally and truly do wish everybody well. And given an opportunity to be kind or helpful, I am more likely to do it.

And I just don't believe that it's any less "toxic" to be constantly spewing problems, complaints and grievances, or worse, starting arguments, sniping, and being nasty to others as I see some do online.

Is it so hard to believe that sometimes people are just genuinely happy? And why, if they are someone you actually want to have some kind of connection to, would you not just be happy for them?

But I will never blame anyone for not sharing relationship problems specifically, somewhere like Facebook. I don't think that's even a good idea. Because when a lot of your friends there know you AND your spouse, that can escalate drama because some will feel like it's an invitation to take a side or get involved, and that often makes things worse. When I was having a bad time in my first marriage, I did not blast it on Facebook. I talked here sometimes because this is "anonymous" and our mutual friends/family aren't here specifically. Mostly I called my Mom. Sharing on Facebook could have actually put me in danger. Not worth it to satisfy anybody who may have felt some need for a voyeur's window into my personal problems at the time, or for me to be "more real."
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Old 10-21-2023, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,534 posts, read 34,882,911 times
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So "too positive" bad, and "too negative" bad.

So can you all let me know what the correct ratio is?

Along with the don't post pics of food, pets, grandkids......
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Old 10-22-2023, 08:12 AM
 
1,702 posts, read 784,614 times
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Social Media is merely an escape from reality, and this take can many forms… Video games, drinking, smoking, exercising, a hike in the woods, even getting on City Data.

I understand the tendency social media has towards BSing people into thinking they are above it all, feeding their ego, or giving them a false sense of positively or happiness. But with so much war violence and death in the world, topped off by old age hitting you before you can even blink your eyes (if you’re blessed to make it there)… I can understand why they seek out fake happiness. When it’s over it’s over, so enjoy the ride.
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Old 10-22-2023, 08:18 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,599 posts, read 47,707,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomx View Post
But otherwise, just like in forums, no one even knows the people in reality or real life, they supposedly call friends. They're aren't friends, they have no idea who you really are and prob couldn't spend 5mins with ea other face to face in RL.
Every one of my Facebook friends are friends in real life. We share life together, we have been in each other’s homes. That was the choice I made, and it is one anyone can make.
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Old 10-22-2023, 09:38 AM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,680 posts, read 3,876,576 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
So "too positive" bad, and "too negative" bad.

So can you all let me know what the correct ratio is?

Along with the don't post pics of food, pets, grandkids......
Yeah, no kidding; great point. Why not just accept we don’t control (or should care) what others post in social media, especially folks we don’t know.

Nowhere is this more evident than what is going on with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce right now, lol. The countless folks who give it the time of day by posting negativity about either one of them and/or ridiculously stupid comments such as ‘go away’ or ‘enough about them’. Then why be following it in the first place i.e. these folks are part of the problem as any comment counts relative to its popularity. It’s hilarious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele View Post
Social Media is merely an escape from reality, and this take can many forms… Video games, drinking, smoking, exercising, a hike in the woods, even getting on City Data.
Social media may be used as a means of escape by some persons, but that does not mean it is ‘an escape from reality’, in and of itself - particularly when they are the real person behind who they claim to be (and not just one of several multiple accounts/personas).

Then, I would agree with you; it’s an escape from their reality. It’s all about context and perspective.

Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 10-22-2023 at 10:07 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 10-22-2023, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,398 posts, read 14,678,474 times
Reputation: 39507
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
So "too positive" bad, and "too negative" bad.

So can you all let me know what the correct ratio is?

Along with the don't post pics of food, pets, grandkids......
The correct ratio is, it's your page, share whatever you want. Anybody who doesn't like it can kick rocks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele View Post
Social Media is merely an escape from reality, and this take can many forms… Video games, drinking, smoking, exercising, a hike in the woods, even getting on City Data.

I understand the tendency social media has towards BSing people into thinking they are above it all, feeding their ego, or giving them a false sense of positively or happiness. But with so much war violence and death in the world, topped off by old age hitting you before you can even blink your eyes (if you’re blessed to make it there)… I can understand why they seek out fake happiness. When it’s over it’s over, so enjoy the ride.
So because there is war and violence in the world and one day I will die, I am somehow fake if I'm not...what...sitting there moaning in depression about it all the time? You're telling me that since misery exists, all joy is false? I don't agree on a philosophical level with that. I think that life is a mixed bag of wins and losses, hardships and good times, joy and pain, and most of us get to make a choice about where we want to put our focus overall.

Obviously it's horrible that there are people in the middle of war zones whose lives are terrible. But I don't believe that denying myself happiness is doing them any favors. And I think it's ridiculous for me, a fairly privileged American at this point, to try and be like, "well my life is bad too, after all, I am aging and will die someday!"

Why is happiness less valid than misery, I really want to know? Why is happiness "fake?" What, because you can't be on vacation ALL the time forever? That does not mean I shouldn't go when I can. Just because someone can't be in a constant state of bliss doesn't mean that joyful moments and happy experiences should be cast aside or devalued or not talked about. If I have a good time, I create a good memory, and while I might not be living permanently in that moment I will be able to remember it fondly forever unless my mind goes. And hell, sharing it on Facebook means that Facebook will bring it up years from now and remind me. And let me tell you, I'd much rather it did so with happy memories than with traumatic ones.

I feel like this is related to a lot of other things, and maybe part of why I find it mystifying is that I was not raised with religion...there is something about a lot of Christian denominations that tries to make a virtue of suffering and sees pleasure and joy as vulgar. The old Catholic shame and guilt stuff? Not saying that any particular person here is religious or whatever, just...these are some ideas I've never really got my head around.

I mean, I have lived in REAL HARDSHIP. I've been at risk of actual starvation. I've been homeless. I've lost everything I had twice in my life. I've been with abusive partners, I've had neglectful and abusive parents, I've been assaulted. My life has not been a whole story of comfort and happiness and ease by a long shot. But all along, I kept putting one foot in front of the other because I believed in a better future for myself. I believed if I kept fighting and working and living, it would pay off for me one day. And it actually has. So should I now deny myself any joy in where my journey has brought me, and sabotage it and throw it away, because happiness is "fake?" Should I act like I'm still constantly reliving my worst times or never share or show myself daring to smile, because somewhere, someone else is not happy and gets angry that anyone else might be trying to be happy?

Nah. To those who feel a need to see others mired in suffering for whatever reasons, I give a big middle finger. I did my time. My happiness isn't fake. It's real. I earned it. And once my responsibilities are met, I will spend my time as I please.
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Old 10-22-2023, 12:12 PM
 
21,884 posts, read 12,987,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
My biggest issue with FB friends are so the once that constantly have to tell us how they feel along with a selfie that mirror that emotion. I mean. I guess it's ok sometimes but every single day. Aslo, people who constantly post selfies so that all their friends can write stuff like " ABSOLUTLEY GEORGOUS".. LOL!...But I will admit, when FB was new I was always posting meanless crap so I wasn't that much better. I do laugh when I see my FB memories comes up and look at the things I posted.
It's bad enough when people do it themselves, but to post your SMALL CHILDREN every day - or multiple times a day plus multiple videos - so people can "like" and comment "So cute!" is really disturbing to me. They can't consent, although it doesn't take them long to become addicted to having their pictures taken.
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