Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-25-2023, 10:14 AM
 
19,654 posts, read 12,239,759 times
Reputation: 26458

Advertisements

Does social media encourage us to lie to ourselves? Not the lying to others to look better or one up, but denying or hiding from reality ourselves because everything is supposed to be so positive all the time. If we aren't positive we may be told to stop complaining or being a "downer". What about people who are actually depressed or going through some difficulty. Or just living a real life of ups and downs.

What is complaining anyway? Say someone talks about their day and the things that happened. person 1- Today my car broke down and the tow truck took two hours in the rain, and the mechanic seemed like a rip off. Person 2- Today I got a promotion, my kid got all As at school and the weather was beautiful. They are both true. One is not more legit than another. One does not deserve to be called "complaining" or "venting" (negative connotation), while the other gets pats on the back, they are both reality. They are both someone's story.

I think it can cause confusion in people who are not always happy, of course none of us are always happy and we weren't designed that way. We may be less encouraged to deal with issues if we can push it down inside, go on social media and get a dose of fake positivity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-25-2023, 11:07 AM
 
5,656 posts, read 3,160,466 times
Reputation: 14391
Just my personal experience...I think most people are fine with having their friends vent from time to time. In the nature of friendships, that's part of being a friend, being the listening ear, the encourager, the sympathizer, etc. BUT I think "influencers" and instagrammers run the risk of spilling their guts, and getting villified for it. Seems to me, it's something that those folks need to look out for.

I'm always amazed...I can see the cutest, most wholesome, positive video or reel, and there's always someone who has to come on and troll, or rip a new one, or just have something negative to say. Seems like, to me, one either has to get a thick skin, or turn comments off. lol

I recently had to let a FB friend go. Well, actually, I just deleted her latest FB friend request...she's had several FB accounts since I've known her, and I'm just kind of tired of her...I don't know...drama?

She's mentally ill. When she posts, it's always about her latest delusions, hallucinations...etc. And it's tragic. She isn't being a friend, and although I realize she's not capable of that in this phase of her life...it's not like I can help her in anyway, and she doesn't even have a "Hey Sassy, how's it going?" in her these days. The people who try to help her, she suspects are hurting her. I'm kind of tired of being witness into her vortex of illness...especially when there's nothing I can do to help her. I empathize...but I'm tired of being witness to it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 04:50 PM
 
Location: In your head
1,075 posts, read 557,577 times
Reputation: 1615
Maybe when I was younger. I don't have a MySpace, Facebook, Instagram, or other platform where one typically showcases their life. I do have a LinkedIn, but use it exclusively for job hunting and nothing else.

When I was younger and more active on these platforms, I think I tried to leave the impression that things were fine and dandy. Guilty as charged. As I've gotten older and have accomplished some of the things I set out to do, I suppose I feel less a need for that validation. I know what I have and I don't need anyone else to tell me good job or bad job. I'm possibly the most satisfied I've ever been in life, but then again my bar isn't the highest.

The social media platforms I use today are almost exclusively chat based, so with what little I share, I think that I attempt to be as realistic as possible. I'm certainly not peacocking to anyone, at least not intentionally. Many people on these platforms seem rather unhappy though, so it's sort of like you're seeing the opposite affect. You read a lot of depressing rants about lack of attainment or achievement. Or being disgruntled about changes happening in society. The mere suggestion that you have something they want, or that you're okay with how society is evolving often leads to resentfulness more than celebration. Being happy or celebratory is almost antithetical to the mission and culture of these platforms.

My best advice on this matter is to moderate usage of social media at all costs (including this site). It's the times when I'm "on break" that I tend to feel most satisfied with life and grounded in reality.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 05:54 PM
 
595 posts, read 265,692 times
Reputation: 2659
If there is one thing I cannot STAND about social media, it's the toxic positivity. It's a form of gaslighting to me. It minimizes very real conditions like depression, anxiety, etc. It makes people feel like the things that are upsetting to them are not valid reasons to be upset, and like they're wrong for being upset about them when it's only normal to have negative feelings at times. No one should feel shame if they are down in the dumps, have a bad day, are going through a tough time, or have a mental illness. I don't follow people and pages that post toxic positivity.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is...tivity-5093958
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 06:13 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,599 posts, read 47,707,443 times
Reputation: 48316
Every one of my facebook friends are in-real-life friends/family.
Every one of them have been to my home.
They know me, and I know them. The good, the bad, and the ugly!

I see no point to being 'friends' with people I do not know.
I see no point in pretending I am somehing that everyone knows I am not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 06:36 PM
 
19,654 posts, read 12,239,759 times
Reputation: 26458
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaByrd View Post
If there is one thing I cannot STAND about social media, it's the toxic positivity. It's a form of gaslighting to me. It minimizes very real conditions like depression, anxiety, etc. It makes people feel like the things that are upsetting to them are not valid reasons to be upset, and like they're wrong for being upset about them when it's only normal to have negative feelings at times. No one should feel shame if they are down in the dumps, have a bad day, are going through a tough time, or have a mental illness. I don't follow people and pages that post toxic positivity.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is...tivity-5093958
Wow I didn't realize there was a term for this. I was reading the article and nodding my head yup, yup, yup.
I will bookmark that, it is exactly what I meant. Social media feeds it but plenty of people individually are like that too. It is frustrating when say they want to offer support but shut you down right and left.

I had to cut someone off who was constantly doing this, she does it to herself too. She apologized for saying she had a bad day when someone she knew died. Was it supposed to be a good day? This almost seems like a mental illness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 06:47 PM
 
6,310 posts, read 4,203,050 times
Reputation: 24831
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaByrd View Post
If there is one thing I cannot STAND about social media, it's the toxic positivity. It's a form of gaslighting to me. It minimizes very real conditions like depression, anxiety, etc. It makes people feel like the things that are upsetting to them are not valid reasons to be upset, and like they're wrong for being upset about them when it's only normal to have negative feelings at times. No one should feel shame if they are down in the dumps, have a bad day, are going through a tough time, or have a mental illness. I don't follow people and pages that post toxic positivity.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is...tivity-5093958
Yes! Yes! And YES! Along with spiritual bypassing. I came across this a lot on the breast cancer support boards and I had to leave.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 06:50 PM
 
6,310 posts, read 4,203,050 times
Reputation: 24831
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Every one of my facebook friends are in-real-life friends/family.
Every one of them have been to my home.
They know me, and I know them. The good, the bad, and the ugly!

I see no point to being 'friends' with people I do not know.
I see no point in pretending I am somehing that everyone knows I am not.

I have been friends with online artist buddies for over 20 years , never met them but we’ve collaborated or supported each other creatively.

I know there are plenty people online and off that wear a mask or we only see a side they want us to see, so I don’t see social creates that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2023, 10:28 PM
 
10,225 posts, read 7,591,903 times
Reputation: 23162
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Does social media encourage us to lie to ourselves? Not the lying to others to look better or one up, but denying or hiding from reality ourselves because everything is supposed to be so positive all the time. If we aren't positive we may be told to stop complaining or being a "downer". What about people who are actually depressed or going through some difficulty. Or just living a real life of ups and downs.

What is complaining anyway? Say someone talks about their day and the things that happened. person 1- Today my car broke down and the tow truck took two hours in the rain, and the mechanic seemed like a rip off. Person 2- Today I got a promotion, my kid got all As at school and the weather was beautiful. They are both true. One is not more legit than another. One does not deserve to be called "complaining" or "venting" (negative connotation), while the other gets pats on the back, they are both reality. They are both someone's story.

I think it can cause confusion in people who are not always happy, of course none of us are always happy and we weren't designed that way. We may be less encouraged to deal with issues if we can push it down inside, go on social media and get a dose of fake positivity.
There's a time and place for everything, and not everyone a person knows needs/wants to know all that went wrong with you. If someone asks how you're doing, they don't really want to know how you're doing. It's akin to saying "Hi."

You can report your bad days to certain family members (unless they have worse problems), or to close friends.

People know, generally, if someone's an habitual complainer, and they get tired of hearing it. I don't complain much. So when I report something bad, people tend to listen. I also don't go on and on about it. I just say, "My car was dead this morning. I left the lights on." That's it. It's just something not good that happened. But I then go on to say good things that happened that day. It's about balance, and not going on and on about the bad things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2023, 08:00 AM
 
12,853 posts, read 9,067,991 times
Reputation: 34942
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
There's a time and place for everything, and not everyone a person knows needs/wants to know all that went wrong with you. If someone asks how you're doing, they don't really want to know how you're doing. It's akin to saying "Hi."

You can report your bad days to certain family members (unless they have worse problems), or to close friends.

People know, generally, if someone's an habitual complainer, and they get tired of hearing it. I don't complain much. So when I report something bad, people tend to listen. I also don't go on and on about it. I just say, "My car was dead this morning. I left the lights on." That's it. It's just something not good that happened. But I then go on to say good things that happened that day. It's about balance, and not going on and on about the bad things.
So true. I think the bigger issue is toxic negativity -- constant focus on the negative so that even small things become overwhelming.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top