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As a bouncer I’ve worked around women who were in these industries believe me most of them were victims of abuse and didn’t love their situation and also suffered from mental illness. None of them had a decent head on their shoulders.
While it doesn’t automatically make someone a bad person for being a prostitute and exchanging sex for money it’s more about the mindset and mental state you have to have to be in that kind of profession and to put yourself in danger like that you have to be kinda mentally but well and please spare me the “most women do if for the love of sex” garbage that’s a very very small percentage of them.
This was my first thought too. Haven't there been studies on this?
I don't think most sex workers love their work. I hear some people say they do. The people who say they do are probably 99.9% men (who hire them).
Hmmm.
I also saw the Pinski quote above, about how people are "attracted to" the abuse they suffered in childhood. That I disagree with. Drawn to, possibly. Again, because they feel that's what their worth is. They've been trained to believe it. But even though the technical definition of the two can be very simliar -- in fact nearly the same -- using the word "attracted" in this context leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. It makes me wonder whether Pinsky himself was abused in some way and blames himself, hence his choice of wording.
Anyway, as far as repeating what you've had beaten into and forced on you -- that doesn't really sound like happiness to me. Or even, to a large extent, choice, so, I'm not victim-blaming. If you think that's all you are, you think that's all you are. Someone did that TO you. Someone gave you that legacy. That's whose shame it is. The giver.
And as far as hypersexualized people (remember, too, that not only females are sexually abused...so...the idea that this is all about women puzzles me), again, I agree with the possibility that they're owning it. They're showing up their abusers. While it may not be a healthy way to do it, the single healthy thing there is that they DO know somewhere deep down that it was not their fault.
That's not the same as simply having a higher than ordinary sex drive and I'm not saying it is. Two different things.
I think it relates more to whether they received parental love and feelings of safety as a child. I think those who didn't tend to be the ones who pursue early and unsafe sexual encounters.
There isn’t a ‘one-size-fits-all’ psychological breakdown to hyper-sexuality/sexual addiction (or BDSM, for that matter), just as there isn’t one explanation as to why one escapes into drugs, food or alcohol. One thing is apparent, however; they aren’t doing the work necessary to maintain control of their lives.
No, there isn't just one. But as with any psychological issue, there are a few reasons that tend to dominate.
This was my first thought too. Haven't there been studies on this?
I don't think most sex workers love their work. I hear some people say they do. The people who say they do are probably 99.9% men (who hire them).
Among those that I know... it ranges from they don't like it to indifferent. Pretty much like how a large segment of the population feels about their jobs. Most would switch jobs to a "normal" job if it would support their financial needs; heck even marry some guy who is willing to support them and leave sex work to stay home.
Doesn't sound like someone who would one consider "hypersexual"....
I think it relates more to whether they received parental love and feelings of safety as a child. I think those who didn't tend to be the ones who pursue early and unsafe sexual encounters.
That's another thought. The need for closeness, along with the idea (instilled by neglect) that they don't deserve the closeness. Sex, but not real connection, could fit that bill.
I think it relates more to whether they received parental love and feelings of safety as a child. I think those who didn't tend to be the ones who pursue early and unsafe sexual encounters.
Also, women who have never felt safe throughout their lives. They have learned sex is a good way to surround themselves with men that provide that level of security and safety. Even if those "relationships" are abusive themselves. At least from my observation, very common among those growing up in really bad neighborhoods with drugs also taking part in their daily lives.
I have a big problem with this thread. It assumes prostitutes are hypersexual. That simply isn't true. No more than anyone else is "hyper-whatever" at their job. I'd say many swingers and those leading "alternative" lifestyles who are NOT prostitutes are hypersexual. Some may engage in risky sexual behavior but rarely is money or prostitution a driving factor here..... most probably don't even need/care about the money.
Yes, these two things are different. And certainly not every hypersexualized person becomes a prostitute. I didn't take the OP as suggesting this, though (that all prostitues are hypersexual, or even most, or even...a lot). Maybe we read it differently. I could be wrong about the OP's attitude on this.
However, hypersexualization (not high sex drive, that's different and is as healthy as any sex drive) and prostitution DO seem to both have roots in abuse to a large extent. I thought this was what the OP was getting at: why someone hurt by sex, would turn to sex.
I can't think of any reasons that mean the victim is to blame, BTW. It's not a happy place to be in...being an adult who was abused as a child, and trying to find a reason you were told and shown lies, or even trying to realize they WERE lies and you aren't actually a terrible person.
Also, women who have never felt safe throughout their lives. They have learned sex is a good way to surround themselves with men that provide that level of security and safety. Even if those "relationships" are abusive themselves.
I can see that, but this isn't necessarily hypersexualization.
Going from one partner to the next after that relationship ends, and repeating this, is not hypersexualization.
Some relationships don't even include all that much sex. Certainly no more than the average.
Among those that I know... it ranges from they don't like it to indifferent. Pretty much like how a large segment of the population feels about their jobs. Most would switch jobs to a "normal" job if it would support their financial needs; heck even marry some guy who is willing to support them and leave sex work to stay home.
Doesn't sound like someone who would one consider "hypersexual"....
1. You know a lot of prostitutes? Enough to assume an enlarged sample across the population? How many prostitutes have you asked this question? I'm genuinely curious. How did that come about?
2. What do you expect them to say? So many of these women are just plain numb. And I don't think most prostitutes who have been at it for some time are all that willing to spill their feelings everywhere. It's pretty doubtful all the prostitutes you know would fall into your arms sobbing and talk about their childhoods. Am I wrong on that score?
50% of prostitutes report mental illness. That's report, not have. That's the percentage that are willing to seek help. Which, like the general population, will always be significantly lower than the number of people who are struggling.
Of course, a lot of people -- not just men, but, I'm sorry, largely men -- see prostitutes as either liking their profession or not really being bothered by it, because that's part of the whole "schtick." Just like they pretend to love it when you're with them. None of that is real. It's how to survive. It's how to make money the only way you think you're worthy of making money.
But thinking they either like it, or don't mind it, is part of the illusion that lets johns keep going, without feeling the slightest bit guilty. (Which also kind of gives me a horrified shiver, TBH.) "Oh, they like it." "Oh, they're just high-sexed." "Oh, they LOVE the money!" Sure man. Whatever makes it easier for you. What she's suffering? Meh...
Ugh. I don't know, guys...this is one idea I just can't get behind. Sorry, NO woman "loves" being used by some gross dude who thinks of her as a you-know with a body that just happens to be around that you-know. Tell yourself what you want but I really doubt the "they like it, it's fine" idea.
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