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Old 06-16-2024, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
89,145 posts, read 85,814,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1982 View Post
Yeah I never got the tall guy for protection thing.

What do these ladies do then when there single then? Hide out in a bunker? Hire security guards if they go out in public?
Being a too-tall woman probably came with its own protection. If somebody is going to attack a woman, he's not going to choose as a victim a woman for whom he's got to make a running leap and high jump to take down. You're not going to drag me easily through the side door of your white van and be able to quickly close up and speed away when my feet are still dangling on the outside of the car.
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Old 06-16-2024, 08:16 PM
 
3,615 posts, read 1,689,482 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Establishing and maintaining relationships requires a lot of effort, so I think some just look for other reasons to justify their lack of a relationship.

Physical attractiveness to that certain person makes a difference, but I don't think any attribute seals the deal! Many that are single are single due to their own issues, either not having the get up and go to get out there and make connections, or the standards they have set for any woman they would be interested in are just too high. Plus, some of these guys are looking more for sex than a relationship!

Good grief, I have seen thousands upon thousands of couples in my life, and what the attraction was on one side or the other certainly was not evident to a passing stranger.

I'm older, but I don't understand how someone could ever consider an internet relationship as amounting to much at all. I would suggest the good old fashioned way of meeting others, finding activities that you are interested in and joining groups of people that enjoy those activities, geesh, even checking out the singles at the grocery store is a better start, and yes, I see that happening, not for the very young, but for others. Go to the zoo, the park..........so many opportunities to meet others, maybe just for friendship or maybe for something more.

Sitting at home alone all the time makes someone too weird socially to expect to attract others.
Agree with most here as a later middle aged single guy with no kids that had very high standards when younger. Internet used to be good for dating over 10 years ago (on POF and even craigslist), not now though. Will have to try old school ways to meet now (never was into clubs, but gym, hobbies, etc better)..very difficult though as a Caretaker to my elderly mom and special needs brother which takes most of my time. Looking for more "me time" to get the balance right soon though!
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Old 06-16-2024, 11:22 PM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,931 posts, read 4,053,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I'm older, but I don't understand how someone could ever consider an internet relationship as amounting to much at all.
If you search for potential homes on the internet, you don’t live online. It’s the same with meeting potential dates i.e. an ‘internet relationship’ is not a real relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I would suggest the good old fashioned way of meeting others, finding activities that you are interested in and joining groups of people that enjoy those activities, geesh, even checking out the singles at the grocery store is a better start, and yes, I see that happening, not for the very young, but for others. Go to the zoo, the park..........so many opportunities to meet others, maybe just for friendship or maybe for something more.
I agree there are all sorts of ways folks may meet; however, meeting one (single) person in the grocery store (or the zoo lol) who just happens to be a good match for you is highly unlikely. Also, they don’t know you from Adam (nor you, them). Relative to the internet, on the other hand, one can easily find a few possibilities for a date out of hundreds or thousands of people (and they have the opportunity to get to know you a bit prior to meeting as well). In fact, many (local) singles groups are active online.

In other words, anyone who voluntarily closes their mind to meeting/vetting folks on the internet are far more likely to be sitting at home referring to themselves as involuntary single, per the thread.
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Old 06-19-2024, 07:19 PM
 
21 posts, read 3,778 times
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https://nypost.com/2024/06/19/lifest...ractive-study/

This makes sense that women into strictly tall men consider themselves attractive where those who don’t mind short men are probably women who don’t consider themselves attractive enough to limit their options by only going for tall men
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Old 06-19-2024, 08:26 PM
bu2
 
24,270 posts, read 15,121,359 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1982 View Post
https://nypost.com/2024/06/19/lifest...ractive-study/

This makes sense that women into strictly tall men consider themselves attractive where those who don’t mind short men are probably women who don’t consider themselves attractive enough to limit their options by only going for tall men
Humorous point at the end:

"...However, confident women setting their sights on height must proceed with caution.

A 2019 report on what drives men to cheat, found that the majority of those that admit seeing another woman behind their partners’ back were over five foot 10.

The study included stats compiled by online affairs website Ashley Madison that found taller men were twice as likely to cheat when compared to those under five foot 10. "
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Old 06-20-2024, 06:19 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,855 posts, read 48,176,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post

The study included stats compiled by online affairs website Ashley Madison that found taller men were twice as likely to cheat when compared to those under five foot 10. "

The report also says:
"It is not known why this is the case, but experts have said that so-called ‘small man syndrome’ may mean that shorter guys are not as confident with women."
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Old 06-20-2024, 08:47 AM
 
21 posts, read 3,778 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post
Humorous point at the end:

"...However, confident women setting their sights on height must proceed with caution.

A 2019 report on what drives men to cheat, found that the majority of those that admit seeing another woman behind their partners’ back were over five foot 10.

The study included stats compiled by online affairs website Ashley Madison that found taller men were twice as likely to cheat when compared to those under five foot 10. "
I think the moral of all this is women who will date short men it’s not because they see inner beauty more then other women it’s more then likely that they just can’t afford to be overly picky about height.

People are as picky/shallow as their options.

An attractive women can get a good looking tall dude so why we should ever consider a short guy even if he’s attractive in other areas?

Average/unattractive people are less picky/shallow because they have to be not because they are less shallow.
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Old 06-20-2024, 09:08 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,492 posts, read 109,011,065 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1982 View Post
I think the moral of all this is women who will date short men it’s not because they see inner beauty more then other women it’s more then likely that they just can’t afford to be overly picky about height.

People are as picky/shallow as their options.

An attractive women can get a good looking tall dude so why we should ever consider a short guy even if he’s attractive in other areas?

Average/unattractive people are less picky/shallow because they have to be not because they are less shallow.
Because many women go for inner qualities, like personality, integrity, brains, etc. Some guys do, too. Human psychology is extremely diverse, depending in part on experiences in childhood that shape individual psychology and people's needs and preferences.
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Old 06-20-2024, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,510 posts, read 14,912,760 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1982 View Post
I think the moral of all this is women who will date short men it’s not because they see inner beauty more then other women it’s more then likely that they just can’t afford to be overly picky about height.

People are as picky/shallow as their options.

An attractive women can get a good looking tall dude so why we should ever consider a short guy even if he’s attractive in other areas?

Average/unattractive people are less picky/shallow because they have to be not because they are less shallow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Because many women go for inner qualities, like personality, integrity, brains, etc. Some guys do, too. Human psychology is extremely diverse, depending in part on experiences in childhood that shape individual psychology and people's needs and preferences.
EXACTLY.

This keeps going back to my statement that dating, love, sex and romance are more "arts & humanities" than they are "math & science" no matter how upset some men seem to be about that. They want a reproduceable mathematical formula that shows them the expected outcome every single time, if you plug in just the most minimal number of measurable variables. The chaos of billions of individual human brains with unique psychology, neurology, genetics, a mess of nuance and complexity rather than a basic analog digital readout on our foreheads or something...seems to really bug some folks.

And the idea that this worldview itself is a huge part of whatever struggles they are having to form healthy social/sexual/love bonds with others... INCONCEIVABLE!

I am living, breathing proof. Some of my actual "options"...as in, people that I did in fact date who would have happily gone on to be long term partners if I'd wanted that, were younger, more conventionally "good looking," wealthier, more physically fit, in higher demand in our local dating scene...as compared to the one that I CHOSE to commit to and marry. Who is well under 6 feet tall (I think he's 5'7" but I could be wrong)...and significantly older than me, and feeling it, and he was stable but not wealthy or high income, he was a shy introvert with no real social clout, not in great demand among the women in our social groups, not even remotely athletic ("Dad bod")... I was simply not picky about who I would talk to or entertain as a possible "option" in the beginning unless they said or did something that really put me off, or they had poor hygiene or something. I could not know if one was a good choice for something serious until we'd interacted for some time.

And then at that point, it was all about compatibility. I had learned what I would not tolerate in a relationship, what needed to be a dealbreaker for me personally...as well as what really does it for me. And those things are very specific to me, they are not at all universal measurements of "value." (Well. Except being generally clean and well groomed, and not having a head full of toxic tar pit sludge thinking, and not being a huge financial liability waiting to latch on to me...those are pretty common basic standards - but of course there was a lot more to it specific to me, as there generally is for practically every woman.)

I'm not some freak outlier, at least not in this way. Most of the women I know have had it with online dating (the only space where this "math" nonsense makes even a little bit of sense) and either they are only on the apps for entertainment purposes...or else they have long since deleted the apps and either switched to social spaces to try and find dates, or given up and embraced solo life. I have never in my life met a woman (out of the thousands of women I've met, since I am a HIGHLY socially active person) who feels perfectly fine with being imagined as a numerically ranked 1-10 score, nor who wants to think of men in that way. Maybe they exist but I just don't waste my time with such people in real life, I don't know.

Sheesh, even the hottest woman I've ever known, she's got a "type" and her type is not what I think a majority of women are into necessarily. I certainly don't find the guys she likes attractive. I also don't see what my Mom sees in the men she has dated, either. She has a type, too, and it's totally different from mine, or that of any of my friends. And sure, plenty of women like tall men, but it will never be a qualifying trait all by itself.

As I got older, I got a LOT more picky. Not "shallow" picky, but picky. Longer list of disqualifying factors. I was a lot more attractive when I was 18 but I was also in a funkier dating pool at the time, due to my life circumstances and social circles and the city I was in. My options were not very good back then, and it was before OLD or even the internet came along (late 90s.) Then after my divorce at age 36 I was extremely picky in certain ways, but had loads of wonderful options, had a really great time dating. I was no longer desperate to be partnered in any way...the real power is not in being super attractive, the real power in dating is the power that anyone's got in negotiation, when you are willing to walk away from the table. If I do not NEED a man in my life, I will only agree to be with one if I WANT him enough. What made me want my husband...lack of personal red flags like being into drugs, alcohol, or guns. Quiet confidence, not insecure posturing and swagger (which I see through instantly.) We had a lot in common, but not everything. Compatible interests, including in bedroom activities. Compatible humor.

I don't know how to speak to whether I am "attractive" or not since I am certainly aware of all of my own flaws, as is every woman I've ever met, including the really beautiful ones. But to judge by the interest of other people around me at the time, when I was 36 and dating I was getting what I'd consider to be above average results. Why did I choose the shorter, heavier, older, shy man of limited means...as opposed to the tall, athletic bodied one my age who was frankly rich? Lots of reasons, but the one that matters most was just compatibility. We are more than the sum of our looks.
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Old 06-20-2024, 10:34 AM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,931 posts, read 4,053,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1982 View Post
I think the moral of all this is women who will date short men it’s not because they see inner beauty more then other women it’s more then likely that they just can’t afford to be overly picky about height.
There isn’t a ‘morality’ to folks’ preferences or what they’re attracted to; it is what it is. What folks say (and how they say it) can tell you a lot about the person. That said, everyone who is looking for a healthy/functional relationship, obviously, must be realistic in terms of what they expect. If you’re a woman who is a five, don’t expect/wait for a ten or you will (voluntarily) remain single. The reality is height and weight does play a part in how folks are perceived in the dating world.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan1982 View Post
People are as picky/shallow as their options.
In other words, it doesn’t make one shallow if they want to be physically attracted to someone they may date, as long as they are able to realistically assess (and be) themselves. Folks appear to be nonsensically assuming a physical preference/attraction equates to a free pass on all else.

That said, that they are picky doesn’t make them shallow.
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