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Old 03-27-2024, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Bayou City
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...qVEJ1FCKf-YMxU


Interesting read that points out some of the character traits common to those who are known as involuntarily single. These individuals are generally defined as those who are open to being in a romantic relationship and consistently make efforts to be in one, but who for whatever reason(s) have great difficulty in achieving it. As someone who has been involuntarily single for a great many years, I would say that it's probably a combination of my personality and physical traits that tend to keep me from finding a romantic companion. I probably lack the proper set of "ingredients" necessary for the right kind of chemistry to take place. The overwhelming majority of women I've been interested in romantically over the years have only seen me as a casual friend or even less. So it's not that I have a disagreeable temperament, just one that doesn't really command romantic interest and arousal. I've always found it somewhat baffling how others can manage to go from relationship to relationship so quickly while people like me end up spending years alone even though we may have a high degree of openness and are not necessarily averse to putting ourselves out there. Of course, the more rejection we face, the less likely we are to remain this way.

*Disclaimer (Involuntarily single has nothing to do with involuntarily celibate, or 'incel,' as the latter thrives on resentment, bitterness and even hatred)
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Old 03-28-2024, 08:11 AM
 
1,149 posts, read 1,653,882 times
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It's been the same for me all my life. I think years ago there was a better study than this one. It referred to involuntary singles as being "off time." The meaning is that for whatever reasons people who are always alone never got on the normal and expected trajectory that their peers did. Most people start interacting with the opposite sex in the teen years. People start dating any many have a study boyfriend or girlfriend. The people who don't experience this are at a disadvantage of having lost their first growing up years to being abnormal from everyone else. One hopes things will change once out of high school and into the world, but for some people things never seem to improve no matter how much effort is put into it. Another issue is after a certain age other people see forever singles as people to be wary of. If you've had a normal life then it's very hard to understand how someone else didn't. It becomes "a red flag" to people and the inclination is to stay away because they fear there must be something horribly wrong with anyone who doesn't have tons of experience in the dating world. Thank you for posting this new study.
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Old 03-28-2024, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Arizona
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I think many have expectations that are way too high.

You only have to sit in a mall for a while to see many people that may not seem to have much going for them, but they have found someone.
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Old 03-28-2024, 12:58 PM
 
Location: In your head
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To a certain extent, maybe some things are true about those in the movement. As with any objective, there are often barriers to entry outside of our control. However, if something incessantly follows someone around "involuntarily", then it's likely an issue (or issues) with the individual. A lot of things are difficult in life, like finding a compatible partner, landing a dream job, or achieving a lofty goal. But none of these things are impossible or improbable either; not even close.

If you're deeply struggling with a most basic human function as meeting a romantic partner, then you have some work to do on yourself. And I'm not saying this to cast judgment or aspersions. I'm saying it because I've been that person. I used to be the person that would feel sorry for myself that I didn't have enough friends or a romantic partner, but would turn down overtures to hang out and instead crush half a 6-pack of beer and 3/4 of a large pizza on a Friday night. I did this for years. It wasn't until I started working on myself...by going to the gym, going to more Meetups, working on my social anxiety...that I started finding these things.

Last edited by digitalUID; 03-28-2024 at 01:23 PM..
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Old 03-28-2024, 02:09 PM
 
17,602 posts, read 22,378,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I think many have expectations that are way too high.

You only have to sit in a mall for a while to see many people that may not seem to have much going for them, but they have found someone.
Ive got a distant relative that is very short (>5 ft) and 250 lbs.

In her "mirror" she sees herself as Paris Hilton or Nicole Ritchie with trendy outfits/purses whatever

40 yrs old no serious boyfriend ever but thinks everyone wants to date her.

High expectations and lots of drama = solo
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Old 03-28-2024, 02:58 PM
 
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There is a bit of an art form to it too. You have to know what you want, how to find, approach and take. Know what attracts a woman to a man.
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Old 03-28-2024, 04:05 PM
Status: "It's WARY, or LEERY (weary means tired)" (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,157 posts, read 21,316,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by City Guy997S View Post
Ive got a distant relative that is very short (>5 ft) and 250 lbs.

In her "mirror" she sees herself as Paris Hilton or Nicole Ritchie with trendy outfits/purses whatever

40 yrs old no serious boyfriend ever but thinks everyone wants to date her.

High expectations and lots of drama = solo
Same, I have a middle age BIL, few teeth, really, really poor posture, and a sizable beer belly. Wants at least an "8" and his ideal 'feminine woman' is what he sees at the strip clubs.
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Old 03-28-2024, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Bayou City
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I don't think it's always a case of "mismatched" preferences when it comes to people who struggle with dating, as when a person becomes fixated on someone "beyond" their league (I abhor that concept). In some cases it may have to do with being on a particular place on a spectrum of personality types that does not lend itself well to romantic attraction.
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Old 03-28-2024, 06:32 PM
 
Location: In your head
1,076 posts, read 578,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes View Post
I don't think it's always a case of "mismatched" preferences when it comes to people who struggle with dating, as when a person becomes fixated on someone "beyond" their league (I abhor that concept). In some cases it may have to do with being on a particular place on a spectrum of personality types that does not lend itself well to romantic attraction.
Which personality traits are you referring to?
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Old 03-28-2024, 07:07 PM
 
Location: Bayou City
3,076 posts, read 5,262,859 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by digitalUID View Post
Which personality traits are you referring to?
Introversion, avoidance, shyness, etc. Not saying that these personality types necessarily prevent the people who possess them from getting into relationships, but they may present as a liability in a romance marketplace that values the opposite of these traits.
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