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Old 04-21-2024, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,410 posts, read 14,698,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist View Post
When you have a spouse or partner it's easy to be happy with their company and not bother to make new friends . Given that you weren't even planning on staying in Arizona it could be even easier to give it a pass.
Well he is good company, but in the long run that would not really cover my social needs. And by "needs" I mean...needs to feel happy and content and overall mentally well and good. I could deal with it for a few years, though. Also I feel like there is something about Arizona, I'm not sure if it's the heat or what, that has made me feel really blah and lazy. I rarely feel like going anywhere or doing anything. But every time I travel back to Colorado, I perk right up. I start wanting to fit activities onto my calendar and go do stuff.

Part of why my husband's company only goes so far is that there are many activities that one of us enjoys a whole lot more than the other. Like I enjoy hiking, and many other activities that require a person to be on their feet walking all day. He has had some health issues that have made that a problem for him, and I don't think he ever loved hiking anyways. Some of the concerts I enjoy aren't really his cup of tea. It's good for me to have other friends to do these activities with. He, on the other hand, really enjoys Comic Con type conventions and I find the crowds overstimulating and kind of mentally exhausting. He used to have a friend he'd go with to those and unfortunately the guy died last year. I will probably go with him so he doesn't feel like he's having to choose between going alone or not going at all, but I kinda hope he meets some people who enjoy it more than I do, after we move back.

I am the kind of person who "collects" tons of friend-quaintances but who has few truly close friends. But I don't kid myself about it the way that the OP's example seems to do. We're not besties or anything. If they were annoying or treated me badly, I'd cut them loose. And I have no need or desire to have huge gatherings...if I invite people to my home, it will be a small number of people that I really do think will get along, or probably who already know and like one another. I just really enjoy the experience of meeting new people and hearing new stories about people's lives. I genuinely like other people in general and find them interesting, for the most part. And yeah, occasionally some unlooked-for perk comes out of all that "networking" and that can be pretty exciting when it happens, but I never assume it will. It isn't the point.
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Old 04-22-2024, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Panama City, FL
3,106 posts, read 2,014,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
There are people who collect friends in the hopes of gaining favors, kind of like networking. Many relationships are transactional or begun in the hopes of gaining something. I recently met someone like this, started adding me to friends lists, and trying to get me to join groups, texting all the time, etc. It was overwhelming and stressful.
I've had to block such individuals a couple of times, since like with you, they just wouldn't stop. And, they'd include me on group emails with issues they were involved with... I wasn't but it didn't matter. If I want to support XYZ, I'll do it on my own & don't need to be sent 3 "sign this petition" emails every day. Another would leave long voice mails every hour on the hour, when she wanted something from me... jeez, the reason you leave VM is you can record your msg once... that's the convenience.

Networking is fine. I get it. Wish I were better at it, especially now that I'm job hunting. But, I'd use it as a way to occasionally touch base, not harass others with my POV or only when I want a favor. Some people are just selfish & don't care that they're a bother.
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Old 04-22-2024, 08:04 AM
 
19,660 posts, read 12,255,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A.Typical.Girl View Post
I've had to block such individuals a couple of times, since like with you, they just wouldn't stop. And, they'd include me on group emails with issues they were involved with... I wasn't but it didn't matter. If I want to support XYZ, I'll do it on my own & don't need to be sent 3 "sign this petition" emails every day. Another would leave long voice mails every hour on the hour, when she wanted something from me... jeez, the reason you leave VM is you can record your msg once... that's the convenience.

Networking is fine. I get it. Wish I were better at it, especially now that I'm job hunting. But, I'd use it as a way to occasionally touch base, not harass others with my POV or only when I want a favor. Some people are just selfish & don't care that they're a bother.
Networking is great, but social media cell phones/texting took it to another level and blurred some boundaries.
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Old 04-22-2024, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Panama City, FL
3,106 posts, read 2,014,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Networking is great, but social media cell phones/texting took it to another level and blurred some boundaries.
Absolutely. I recall when I was a teen & FAX machines & then pagers became available for those other than doctors & were advertised as something to make our working days easier. No one felt that... it was just a way to bother people once they'd already left the office for the day. And back then, there were no cell phones, so if you were paged, you had to run, sometimes blocks, to find a working payphone to call back to the office.

In the office in the mornings, bosses were always chastising others that they didn't answer their pagers after work. I still recall whisperings that so & so might get fired cuz they didn't make themselves available for work, after work.

Some of these inventions have been great... when my car's broken down & I've had to call AAA from the safety of my vehicle, I've very much appreciated it, but... all these gadgets & email, etc sometimes seem to only clutter up people's lives 24/7.

It's why I've always refrained from going to lunch or for afterwork drinks with coworkers who only want to discuss problems at work. I know... I was there. Lunch is to cleanse the palate & get away from work & afterwork... talk to me about anything other than.
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Old 04-23-2024, 08:29 AM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,708 posts, read 3,890,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninella View Post
People who try to he friends with everyone. Why?
Interesting question, but the distinction needs to be made between a friendly/social attitude vs. ‘trying to be friends with everyone’ in a psychology forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninella View Post
I'm going to talk about my 2 close friends whose behavoiour puzzles me, so I'm curious if someone else is like that or maybe knows someone else who is like that, and what do you think is the reason for this behaviour.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninella View Post
They invite 30-40 people to their birthday parties, just because they know them, and most of these people are pretty socially awkward, like sitting in the corner, not talking to anyone or just saying and doing weird things. It is not just my opinion, because even these guys acknowledge that and often complain to me about how this person is weird or that person is annoying, yet they keep being friends with them. When I ask why, they just say something like "oh, he/she is a good friend. He is a really good guy. I'm just being nice", yet proceed to complain about their behavoiur.
That said, if you’re close friends with them and/or you think their parties or behavior awkward, you’re doing the same thing, no? You’re being ‘nice’ yet complaining about their behavior. In other words, you must be finding value in their friendship which perhaps I wouldn’t see; that someone is weird or annoying to you doesn’t mean they must think the same in order not to be perceived as weird as well.

However, if your two close friends are being taken advantage of or harmed in any way (or you believe there to be a genuine risk for such), it’s time to talk to them as to what is missing in their lives and/or relative to their feelings. It would help answer your question as there is no universal explanation to dysfunctional behavior if, in fact, it is for one or both of them. It could be anything from simple friendliness to a sign of bipolar disorder.
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Old 04-28-2024, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Germany
722 posts, read 430,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninella View Post
First of all, I'd like to say, that I'm not looking for an advice, that's why I'm starting this topic in psychology rather than non-romantic relationship. I'm going to talk about my 2 close friends whose behavoiour puzzles me, so I'm curious if someone else is like that or maybe knows someone else who is like that, and what do you think is the reason for this behaviour.
...
All of this makes no sense to me. I can't understand what do they get out from these "friendships" and why are they like that.
I'm not exactly like these persons but mostly I've been called from friends a "diplomat" and told that I could be friends with a rock.
To be honest I find it kind of funny, cause I don't actively try to be friends with people most of the time. I just genuinely enjoy meeting other people and getting to know them really well, albeit there's only so much time one can spend on friends. If theoretically I could be friends with every person that I find nice, I would.

It is also kind of funny that you said something about being punched in the face, cause that actually happened to me when I was like 15 and my reaction after hitting him and talking to him about the stuff, was exactly that. That person WAS a nice person and we did drift apart cause or the time limitation or maybe the interest limitation and I don't really know why, but he did what he did cause of reasons probably similar to mine, when I'm being a ****ty friend.

Maybe it's all just because of seeing specific aspects in other people that one likes, that we become friends with others. There's always something to complain about, even amongst close friends but that's not really the focus of friendship.

There is a concept in psychology about maximizing gain in human relationships, that makes a lot of sense.
Your friends gain more by being friends (close or not) with these people, than they lose and that is why they are continuing with that friendship.
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Old 04-28-2024, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,954 posts, read 30,307,663 times
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some people are simply very friendly, others are mildly friendly and some are not....which makes up society? It is what it is...just sounds to me, like they love people? I think it also depends on what their careers are, if they deal with the public, then they are used to being in a friendly mode all the time...and people like that, make other people feel good about themselves.
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Old Yesterday, 02:19 PM
 
46 posts, read 16,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
Perhaps they do not have any close family and this is their attempt at substitution.
That's a huge possibility. I think their relationships with their parents and siblings are fine, but they are these very stereotypical "nice guys" who are everyone's best friend, but they get constantly rejected by women. I understand that not everyone wants a family, but I know they do, and they constantly try to date, but everyone sees them as friends, so that's probably a possibility.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
Do they work in HR? Perhaps they take "Inclusivity" to the extreme and acculturated to a world of likes and reps giving them self worth?
I thought more of a business owner or promoter. If they were, that'd make total sense to me, cause you never know who can be your customer or who can come to an event you are promoting. But no, thats not the case. Just regular offie jobs that have nothing to do with people


Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
Maybe they are naturally friendly people that haven't become as jaded as they've aged.
I wouldn't call it jaded. I'm open to friendships with people who are different from me, and many of my friends could have different interests and political opinions. But I still think in order to be friends you have something in common or at least be able to have interesting conversations with or enjoy their company. These guys would pursue friendships with people who don't talk at all, but just because this person was someone's cousin who was brought to some party a couple of times. Here is an example:

Both of these guys and I were born in another country, but we've been here since we were teenagers, so this has nothing to do with the cultural differences. Our friends group is very mixed. There is this one guy, who someone brought to some party once, who doesn't speak our language, but he learned a few swear words. I'm not a princess and swear words don't bother me, but this is all this guy says. I tried to get to know him, have a conversation with him, yet he just sits there and repeats these few swear words that he has learned. He did a similar thing ti my husband, who doesn't speak the same language. My husband is quarter Dutch, and I guess he has mentioned that at some point, so every time he "talks" to my husband, all he says is "so you are Dutch?", and my husband also tried to chat with this guy, and asj other questions, but he just keeps listening and saying "oh, so you are Dutch?" I asked my friends if they were ever able to have a meaningful conversation with him, and they both said no, and that this guy just keeps saying these swear words in our language, yet they keep inviting him to hang out. Then he just sits there awkwardly not talking to anyone and repeats the same thing if you approach him and try to get to know him. Both of my friends also expressed how annoying and weird his behavior is, yet when I ask why are they still inviting him, the answer is "yeah, he is annoying and weird, but he is a good guy". How do you even know he is a good guy if you have never had a meaningful conversation with him? Does it make me jaded that I don't want to have someone who doesn't even talk at my birthday party?



Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
:: Are the same guests still attending these parties? If not maybe they are seeking new victims and they're a team like Arsenic & Old Lace.
Yes and no. Some people stick around, and some don't. Mostly when people get married and have kids, they disappear. We are at that age. I'm married, but I don't have kids yet. I enjoy going out and doing many things, and these guys are always up to anything, so we hang out a lot. But if someone was weird and annoying, I still would want them around just because they like to go camping or smth
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Old Today, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,954 posts, read 30,307,663 times
Reputation: 19200
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
There are people who collect friends in the hopes of gaining favors, kind of like networking. Many relationships are transactional or begun in the hopes of gaining something. I recently met someone like this, started adding me to friends lists, and trying to get me to join groups, texting all the time, etc. It was overwhelming and stressful.
yes, it's true, but I also feel there are plenty of good people out there who see something in others that sparks curiosity, wanting to get to know you, that like you just for being you, and nothing more.
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