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Old 04-22-2024, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Sunnybrook Farm
4,542 posts, read 2,694,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtab4994 View Post
Yes. Shy people wish they could be confident, and ask girls out on dates or ace a job interview..
Well, I'm a shy person and I've asked quite a few women on dates (and I'm married, so that obviously worked), and I've aced a number of job interviews. Shyness does NOT equal lack of confidence. These are two different things.
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Old 04-22-2024, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Kansas
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I think "shy" people often envy "outgoing" people wishing that they could be like that. "Outgoing" people make socializing, interviewing, etc. look easy!
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Old 04-22-2024, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Sunnybrook Farm
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Originally Posted by rabbit33 View Post
Hear, hear!

There are several things that get mixed up, especially by the dominant-paradigm extroverts who want EVERYONE to be like them and MANDATORY FUN FOR ALL!!!!!!

Introversion vs. extroversion has to do with how much interaction one needs with others and whether one finds this to be "energy-giving" or "energy-taking". Introversion is NOT a disorder.

Shyness has to do with the degree of stress one feels in unfamiliar situations - most specifically, situations of meeting new people. Shyness is NOT a disorder.

Performance anxiety is a disorder where public performance (which can take many forms) creates undue stress and anxiety (stage fright).

Social anxiety disorder is a disorder where one's phobia of social interactions adversely affects their life and causes undue stress and anxiety.

"Self-confidence" is a trait that can be present or absent to varying degrees, in introverts, extroverts, shy people, outgoing people, people with or without performance anxiety or social anxiety.

To take two examples:

I am a shy introvert who has NO performance anxiety, and a very large supply of self-confidence. I don't like to go to parties where I won't know anyone; too much interaction and I need to rest up; but I can make a speech or musical performance with no noticeable stage fright. I also have a high degree of confidence in my ability to do what I need to do in each situation (within reason; I cannnot fly a fighter jet off a carrier). I also have a couple phobias, most notably acrophobia (fear of heights).

My wife is a non-shy introvert with severe performance anxiety and moderate self-confidence. She has no problem going to a party where she knows no one, striking up and carrying on conversations, and coming away with a couple of contacts for coffee next week; but after several hours at a social gathering she wants to go home get in bed and read a book to rest up. Speaking in public is very unhappy for her. On the other hand, she does NOT share my phobia of heights.

Barbra Streisand, by all accounts, is a non-shy extrovert with EXTREME performance anxiety and a number of phobias.

The lesson is that you must take each person for their individual qualities.

The title of the thread is nonsensical - shy is not the opposite of confident. It's like asking "do skinny people put bald men on a pedestal?"
I would also like to point out that none of the qualities I've listed above is an autism-spectrum disorder. People with autism spectrum disorders may, or may not, have any of the characteristics I've listed above. Autism is yet another thing entirely.
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Old 04-22-2024, 11:58 AM
bu2
 
24,108 posts, read 14,903,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I think "shy" people often envy "outgoing" people wishing that they could be like that. "Outgoing" people make socializing, interviewing, etc. look easy!
Envy is not the right word. Those skill sets would be nice to have, especially interviewing, but that doesn't mean you envy those people.
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Old 04-22-2024, 12:42 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I think "shy" people often envy "outgoing" people wishing that they could be like that. "Outgoing" people make socializing, interviewing, etc. look easy!
No, not envy at all... more like admire!
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Old 04-22-2024, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
No, not envy at all... more like admire!
Admire, like putting on a pedestal, which is what the OP's question was?
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Old 04-22-2024, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
8,082 posts, read 7,454,172 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rabbit33 View Post
Well, I'm a shy person and I've asked quite a few women on dates (and I'm married, so that obviously worked), and I've aced a number of job interviews. Shyness does NOT equal lack of confidence. These are two different things.
I guess we need to establish the ground rules of what is "shy" vs "confident", and if they are in fact opposites.

I was shy as a child, and I always wished I was more outgoing. I'm more outgoing as an adult, but it depends on the circumstances; I'm a hand-raiser rather than a blurter, and I don't have sharp elbows. I identify with the Shy Community.
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Old 04-22-2024, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,398 posts, read 14,683,356 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtab4994 View Post
I guess we need to establish the ground rules of what is "shy" vs "confident", and if they are in fact opposites.

I was shy as a child, and I always wished I was more outgoing. I'm more outgoing as an adult, but it depends on the circumstances; I'm a hand-raiser rather than a blurter, and I don't have sharp elbows. I identify with the Shy Community.
I don't think that they are.

Or at least there is a type of shyness that is more a thing of being quiet, reserved, than it is one of being anxious. Quiet confidence. And that's one of my favorite kinds of people, the quietly confident introverts.

Like as an extrovert, I'm a bit...lol...socially sl*tty shall we say?... I will chatter on to anybody about anything almost anytime. It's easy to get me to engage in conversation. But I love finding those quieter types who don't let people in easily to get to know them. They come off as a bit of a mystery and they make me curious. And more often than not I have found that once they feel comfortable and they do decide to talk, they are REALLY interesting people. That whole "still waters run deep" thing and all. I dig it! And I always feel a bit honored when they chose me as the rare person who gets to know them, because I know that most people don't get to.

If that makes any sort of sense?

I would not say I'm putting THEM on a pedestal, because to me that is unrealistic thinking...that's over idealizing someone in a way that often disregards who they truly are, and prioritizes one's need to have someone to look up to. I prefer to think that I genuinely appreciate different people for their different qualities. And that particular type is one that I especially enjoy.

What I have seen in those who put others on pedestals...and it has been mostly men I've observed doing this, though I don't know if that's true or just what I've seen... They have a deep desire to identify areas they wish they could improve or things they admire, then seek a role model or leader to put on the pedestal. They then have expectations that this leader person will be deserving of their admiration and following...but when that person is revealed to be human and flawed, sometimes seriously flawed...they feel hurt, disappointed, almost betrayed. Now personally I don't really understand the need to seek and elevate other people as one's superiors like that. It's not a thing I have ever felt a need for at all. It does not feel healthy or realistic to me.
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Old 04-22-2024, 03:07 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,603 posts, read 47,707,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtab4994 View Post
Admire, like putting on a pedestal, which is what the OP's question was?
Nope.
I can admire (look at with pleasure) plenty of things, no pedestal involved.

Putting someone on a pedestal is to think of them as a perfect person with no faults.

Quite different!
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Old 04-22-2024, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Panama City, FL
3,105 posts, read 2,009,900 times
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I don't put anyone on a pedestal, but as a confident but shy-ish introvert who gets depleted by people, I do wish I were the type who was energized by others. People utterly exhaust me, even if I'm having a good time & it's a social occasion... I have to come in late & duck out early & I'm always left with a headache by laughing & talking.

Sometimes I might come across as shy only as I don't mind being quiet & just listening. It only comes down to depletion of energy & before I'm totally spent, I dip out otherwise I regret the encounter.
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