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Old 05-06-2024, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Southern California
12,804 posts, read 15,082,426 times
Reputation: 15373

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Quote:
Originally Posted by chessimprov View Post
Apparently, this is socially acceptable to ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Why not just ask the question outright?
...

^ I agree! Throughout my life, I've always just preferred to be straight-out asked the question as well. Now, if let's say 2 people are busy doing something & they know that, then yes, it's OK to ask to ask the question first, but whether fam & friends or strangers (as someone here stated that makes a difference to them), I'd like to just be asked the question. Honestly, being asked if I could be asked a question is like a 1-2 on my "annoyance" scale, so not a huge deal, but just ask me the question.
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Old 05-06-2024, 07:38 PM
 
2,589 posts, read 2,708,171 times
Reputation: 1876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonchalance View Post
My wiseacre response would be, 'You just did, kthanksbye!'

But alas, I never had the opportunity.
lol, that's what you say to someone if you're Really unattracted to them off a dating app and mean.
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Old 05-07-2024, 08:54 AM
Status: "It's WARY, or LEERY (weary means tired)" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,118 posts, read 21,257,112 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post
Wow, I am really surprised anyone would take offense at this. I consider a polite way to address someone, as Sonic says. This is asking someone if they have a free moment for you. I use that expression frequently.

And I think it's polite when someone says it to me. If you want to be kind of a smart-azz you can reply: "You can try", or "Maybe" or "Depends".

This reminds me of being offended by the honorifics "Ma'am" or the casual "Honey, sweetheart" etc.

We have better stuff to worry/be offended about, imo.
Hmmm, I will sometimes answer with "depends" and it's not meant to be smart, it's meant to convey that whether or not I'm willing to answer depends on the question. My other usual reply is "What's the question?". Other than in a work situation, never do I reply with a straight up 'yes' or 'no'.

I also agree with you and sonic about prefacing an interruption with and "Excuse me, can I ask a question, may I have a minute, can I bother you for just a moment, pardon the interruption" or whatever phrase acknowledges that others are not simply waiting around for your questions with nothing else to do.
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Old 05-07-2024, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Kansas
26,069 posts, read 22,268,288 times
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Usually, asking that, at least in my experience, means that it is a question that maybe one doesn't just blurt out. I have a son with Down syndrome, which has given me some experience with this, and believe it or not, with strangers, but they do this in the hopes of gaining information, and often the next statement is "I have a child like that." The questions are generally personal, and sometimes uncomfortable, but for the sake of "education", I answered all that I could.

Other times, this had to do with the "why" of full-time rving, having larger dogs, moving to a new location, taking a certain job.............

I guess that is a way of "feeling out the territory", especially with people that one doesn't know that well. Of course, the person has to be socially aware enough to realize from the response of the individual whether or not to pursue questioning the individual.

I am the kind of person that while waiting in a line will be talking to everyone that makes eye contact, so I guess I do put myself "out there".
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Old 05-09-2024, 12:06 PM
 
Location: New York Area
35,336 posts, read 17,245,752 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chessimprov View Post
Apparently, this is socially acceptable to ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Why not just ask the question outright?
By having to ask that, is someone hiding too much?

Apparently, this question shows humility, but for me it shows social anxiety. It's non-sensical to me and I just don't like it. I guess when I encounter it, for me, it's best to push social boundaries positively and if it doesn't work out, move on.
I see nothing wrong if it prefaces a question that would itself be intrusive.
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Old 05-10-2024, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Wooster, Ohio
4,179 posts, read 3,105,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa View Post
I see nothing wrong if it prefaces a question that would itself be intrusive.
That's my concern, that they are about to ask an intrusive question.
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Old 05-10-2024, 08:12 AM
 
11,413 posts, read 7,846,863 times
Reputation: 21928
Quote:
Originally Posted by chessimprov View Post
Apparently, this is socially acceptable to ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Why not just ask the question outright?
By having to ask that, is someone hiding too much?

Apparently, this question shows humility, but for me it shows social anxiety. It's non-sensical to me and I just don't like it. I guess when I encounter it, for me, it's best to push social boundaries positively and if it doesn't work out, move on.
My response to people who do that is always “You just did”.
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Old 05-10-2024, 08:17 AM
 
11,413 posts, read 7,846,863 times
Reputation: 21928
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa View Post
I see nothing wrong if it prefaces a question that would itself be intrusive.
How would the person being asked if it’s ok know the nature of the question unless the person asking includes it? Intrusive, then no you can’t ask. Not intrusive, then ask away.

I’d rather people just ask. Then I can decide to answer or not if I find the question intrusive. Asking if you can ask a question without qualifying the nature of the question is just silly. Who is going to say “No you can’t” based on just asking if you can ask “a question”?
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Old 05-11-2024, 07:24 AM
 
2,589 posts, read 2,708,171 times
Reputation: 1876
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me View Post
How would the person being asked if it’s ok know the nature of the question unless the person asking includes it? Intrusive, then no you can’t ask. Not intrusive, then ask away.

I’d rather people just ask. Then I can decide to answer or not if I find the question intrusive. Asking if you can ask a question without qualifying the nature of the question is just silly. Who is going to say “No you can’t” based on just asking if you can ask “a question”?
Exactly!
In the context where you don't know a person at all and especially can't even see them, and this is one's lead question?
The lack of assertiveness, the secretiveness/paranoia, the easy out, are all very unattractive. It's not an immediate unmatch, but it already leans toward that direction. Like, give me more details, show that you care. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in today.
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Old 05-11-2024, 08:53 AM
 
5,727 posts, read 3,227,446 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southking500 View Post
"Can I ask you a question?" is often a prelude to an intrusive and/or confrontational inquiry.
And it is sort of a trap. If you say "yes" (the expected answer) then you are kind of committing to answering whatever the question is (usually something that puts you on the spot).
Saying "no" puts you in the position of appearing elusive, defensive and brusque.

A good answer is "Why do you need to ask me a question?" which might flush out the motive or even better "never mind".
I just smile or give a little laugh and say " Sure you can ask! But I reserve the right to not answer." Again...with a big smile on my face.

If I seem elusive or defensive, oh well.
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