Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-12-2024, 05:22 PM
 
1,756 posts, read 948,767 times
Reputation: 2674

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttott View Post
I don't know what you're smoking, but please keep it away from me.
Are you saying you don't agree that they're gender differences in communication styles?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-12-2024, 05:33 PM
 
1,756 posts, read 948,767 times
Reputation: 2674
Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
There is a beautiful woman I work with who speaks just like that and is still considered the sweetest person in the world. Of course, it helps that she is beautiful, but I am going to give her credit where credit is due. She makes sure to contribute by supporting others at other times so everyone feels like they have a chance to contribute and be recognized.

When a co-worker was unhappy about the lack of support, she made sure to point out that she (us) supported them in the past. When the co-worker finally read the room, he said, "I'm not angry at you, just that..." and her response was, "I know you are not angry at us because there is no reason for you to be."
I've seen the same in my corporate America experience. One of the best boss I've ever had was older lady (now retired) who managed to climb the ranks not by being "just as mean as men" sort to speak but by utilizing her feminine energy. She was supportive, persuasive, and brought a type of nurturing to the office that was delightful. She literally invited us to her house and cooked diner. These efforts got people to perform without the need to ever be aggressive (at least from what I can see). On the the hand I've seen female leaders that tried to out men men. It didn't work well.

I get the sense in our society that feminine characteristics have come to be regarded as soft, weak and something that must be avoided. Young girls are being taught they must act as men to succeed, which definitely not true.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-12-2024, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Florida
15,275 posts, read 10,065,600 times
Reputation: 12401
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ice_Major View Post
Are you saying you don't agree that they're gender differences in communication styles?
I think what it is... truth trumps feelings and that's often a hard pill to swallow. Very easy to check clinical observations and studies to verify, but it's easier to attack the messenger.

https://digitalcommons.coastal.edu/c...%2Demotionally.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-12-2024, 07:12 PM
 
36,194 posts, read 18,580,290 times
Reputation: 51341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
There is often more at work then meets the eye...or the ear. There are no absolutes in biology.

When men communicate with each other, there is often a well defined "line in the sand" that we do not cross. However when a man and a woman communicate, the line is like a fault line. It's probably better to say masculine and feminine communication since there is always 'some' crossing of style. Where we fail is, our inability to appreciate and understand the obvious differences.

In the case of the young girl running to the front of the line or taking the crayon I don't see it as aggressive behavior, but as selfish behavior. In fact selfishness is a more feminine trait. Yes...Biology is involved forged over the millennium. We teach our children to "share and play well with others"... right? We point out what is the social norm for good reason.

In the case of the OP... where she copied or mirrored the masculine style the man was using to communicate, that can easily be misinterpreted. Hard to gauge the dynamic, however when she returned later to repackage the conversation in a emotional context the man said... hmmmm. Why? Well I go back to what I said earlier, it's our lack of ability to appreciate and understand the obvious differences in masculine and feminine communication.

Personally I believe it better to communicate with our gut, rather than trying to mirror someone's else's style.
I don't agree with you, at all. Grabbing the supplies they want, and running to be the first in line is much more typically boy behavior, much to the chagrin of the typical girl, who sits by frustrated that she doesn't have the supplies she wants because the boys have grabbed them all first.

Girls, in general, are taught to make sure everyone has their fair share, to count the cookies available so they don't take more than their fair share, and to generously share their stuff.

Boys are competitive, and girls are cooperative, is the typical standard.

And that's why women form coops, and men work alone to compete with each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-12-2024, 11:17 PM
Status: "Chronically sleep-deprived" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Sagittarius Arm, Milky Way, Universe Prime
76 posts, read 35,238 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ice_Major View Post
Are you saying you don't agree that they're gender differences in communication styles?
I am saying there are not INNATE gender differences in communication styles. There are some differences that are culturally based, and more to the point there are EXPECTATIONS that there will or should be differences, and those expectations are cultural. But there is nothing innate about them, and also they are artificial at best and in the long run they work to the detriment of everyone regardless of gender.

If you'd read the post I was responding to, you would have understood that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-12-2024, 11:21 PM
Status: "Chronically sleep-deprived" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Sagittarius Arm, Milky Way, Universe Prime
76 posts, read 35,238 times
Reputation: 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
I think what it is... truth trumps feelings and that's often a hard pill to swallow. Very easy to check clinical observations and studies to verify, but it's easier to attack the messenger.

https://digitalcommons.coastal.edu/c...%2Demotionally.
Really? You're quoting the term paper of someone doing an undergrad degree as your source? What's next, your sixth-grader's book report?

That entire paper is a circular reference, and the first work it cites is a pop-psychology book that was discredited more than a decade ago.

If men are from Mars, I will note here that Mars has a distinct lack of oxygen and it seems to have affected you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2024, 08:54 AM
 
13,035 posts, read 9,345,675 times
Reputation: 35420
When I first read this, I thought what a cool discussion. And started thinking about it. Then I read these passages...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttott View Post
I don't know what you're smoking, but please keep it away from me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttott View Post
.
If you'd read the post I was responding to, you would have understood that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttott View Post
Really? You're quoting the term paper of someone doing an undergrad degree as your source? What's next, your sixth-grader's book report?

That entire paper is a circular reference, and the first work it cites is a pop-psychology book that was discredited more than a decade ago.

If men are from Mars, I will note here that Mars has a distinct lack of oxygen and it seems to have affected you.
... and immediately noticed a change in tone. Right in line with what I was going to post. When someone speaks assertively, they tend to be clear, distinct, and factual. And most importantly, it seems to come across as flat and dead tone, not emotional. Aggression on the other hand is emotional. Pitch goes up and the words come faster with a more agitated style. Assertive is a "direct but non-confrontational" style of communication. Aggressive is confrontational.

Even here with the written word, I can hear the pitch increasing and the emotional agitation happening. It comes across as aggressive.

Women speak in a higher pitch to start with, and in a more emotional style than men. Look at Liz Holmes. Con artist that she was, she worked hard to speak with a lower pitch to sound more authoritative and less emotional.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2024, 09:53 AM
 
252 posts, read 139,442 times
Reputation: 494
It's 2024.
Aggressive women are perceived as Strong, Confident, and Assertive.
Assertive men are perceived as Aggressive, and/or Angry, and/or Potentially Dangerous.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2024, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
12,267 posts, read 8,696,847 times
Reputation: 45606
OP speaks from the desire to make social change. She's not alone.

Many in the current culture are working to blur the line between the sexes. That implies a recognition of differences.

Regardless of the objective, expecting social change will always meet with resistance. Some will, through the practice, gain a new awareness. Others will respond with firm resistance. The goal, from my perspective, is to achieve mutual understanding.

If that isn't accomplished the chances of cooperative change are slim. If the way a person is working at it isn't working for them or others then an exploration of other approaches is valuable to them. Achieving a willingness to listen in others is a huge accomplishment.

Most here are speaking in generalities - women are this, men are that. But in truth the changes take place in small steps of understanding between two people. So, an accomplishment for her today.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2024, 01:28 PM
 
7,701 posts, read 4,263,882 times
Reputation: 7082
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ice_Major View Post
I've seen the same in my corporate America experience. One of the best boss I've ever had was older lady (now retired) who managed to climb the ranks not by being "just as mean as men" sort to speak but by utilizing her feminine energy. She was supportive, persuasive, and brought a type of nurturing to the office that was delightful. She literally invited us to her house and cooked diner. These efforts got people to perform without the need to ever be aggressive (at least from what I can see). On the the hand I've seen female leaders that tried to out men men. It didn't work well.

I get the sense in our society that feminine characteristics have come to be regarded as soft, weak and something that must be avoided. Young girls are being taught they must act as men to succeed, which definitely not true.
My neighbor is very good about getting other neighbors to do something for the community. He does the same thing as you describe above and he is a manager at a big box store.

On the other hand, my co-worker is not a boss, but has leadership skills.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top