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It is unbelievable. In this case the woman is pathological. She has no remorse or regard for the people she maligns. It has been an amazing learning experience for me.
The person I know also has no remorse whatsoever -- he will destroy people's work, entire careers, etc. without a blinking an eye. Knowing him has been a learning experience for me, too. I have thought of him as a black hole, sucking in and destroying everything near him. I can't imagine how in the world any woman could be with him, yet I know that he has been married once and has had multiple girlfriends.
I would consider my brother as a pathological liar although he's never been diagnosed with a "mental disorder" that I know of. It's not just an occasional lie or an exaggeration here and there... but it's to the point where I can't believe ANYTHING he says. He has no reason to lie and does it every time we talk (hence, that's why I think he's a pathological liar). It's either blatant or subtle lies but he's bad at it either way - he must be the only one who believes what he's saying.
So that's how I dealt with my pathological liar... there's no good way to do it though.
That sounds just like my sister. She has absolutely no reason to lie, but does it anyway. I have come to 2 conclusions: 1. She doesn't really give a rip whether you believe her--she just doesn't want you to know the real truth, which I suspect is that she runs a 1-900-talkdirtytome business and/or sells drugs 2. She believes much of what she says--she wants it to be true so badly that she warps reality in her own mind. My aunt says she's a sociopath, which I looked up and she meets the whole description--most sociopaths are not ax murderers. Also, sociopaths rarely get dx'ed, b/c they don't think they have a problem.
She's had 3 kids and has abandoned all of them at some point--the last one ended up in the NYC social system and it took me 2 weeks to track him down--she had given a fictitious name. Of course none of it was her fault. I very much limit my contact with her--I haven't seen her in years--she hasn't spoken to me anyway, b/c I had much to do with rescuing her kids and getting them into good homes or raising them myself, so I'm a monster in her eyes--she knows she was a good mother. I call her "that lazy bird Maisie" from Horton Hatches the Egg.
The person I know also has no remorse whatsoever -- he will destroy people's work, entire careers, etc. without a blinking an eye. Knowing him has been a learning experience for me, too. I have thought of him as a black hole, sucking in and destroying everything near him. I can't imagine how in the world any woman could be with him, yet I know that he has been married once and has had multiple girlfriends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
That sounds just like my sister. She has absolutely no reason to lie, but does it anyway. I have come to 2 conclusions: 1. She doesn't really give a rip whether you believe her--she just doesn't want you to know the real truth, which I suspect is that she runs a 1-900-talkdirtytome business and/or sells drugs 2. She believes much of what she says--she wants it to be true so badly that she warps reality in her own mind. My aunt says she's a sociopath, which I looked up and she meets the whole description--most sociopaths are not ax murderers. Also, sociopaths rarely get dx'ed, b/c they don't think they have a problem.
The person I know also has no remorse whatsoever -- he will destroy people's work, entire careers, etc. without a blinking an eye. Knowing him has been a learning experience for me, too. I have thought of him as a black hole, sucking in and destroying everything near him. I can't imagine how in the world any woman could be with him, yet I know that he has been married once and has had multiple girlfriends.
Well, sounds like a textbook definition of a sociopath. They can be quite charming... as a matter of fact, more charming than regular folks.
I'm doing some research on a woman who has deceived many people and slandered/libelled numerous others. It has been a jaw dropping pursuit. I wonder how she became this way. I wonder even more how someone is able to lie to the point that they start to believe what they say and actually act on it. Even more, how she is going to react when all this info comes out? It is scary.
Have any of you known one? If so, did you confront them? How?
The problem is, since these people feel no remorse, it's not going to make much difference. These people are completely self-centered, they don't really care if some people catch on because they usually have plenty of people snowed and charmed by them.
She will react with more lies, she might even pull a big whopper and say she's sorry but of course she isn't. I don't know if it's that they believe what they say, I think it's that the truth means nothing at all to them, only what they think gets them ahead in some way.
My friend is divorcing a man who is a pathological liar/ sociopath...whenever he is confronted with a lie he makes up new ones to cover himself, blames someone else, blames my friend or hangs up on her, gets drunk and starts calling her trying to convince her he is innocent and somehow circumstances are stacked against him and she is nuts...
Imagine what it's like to be one of these people? You sometimes wonder how their minds work, how they think. Guilt is just a show they put on when it's one of the last resorts, only when it serves their purposes.
They are like reptiles. No real emotion except arrogance. Everything is about manipulation, everything is just one more lie. They are incapable of true love. They're not sad or happy, those are also just acts they put on.
I'm doing some research on a woman who has deceived many people and slandered/libelled numerous others. It has been a jaw dropping pursuit. I wonder how she became this way. I wonder even more how someone is able to lie to the point that they start to believe what they say and actually act on it. Even more, how she is going to react when all this info comes out? It is scary.
Have any of you known one? If so, did you confront them? How?
My former boss was a liar and I think he actually believed the crap he spewed. He played favorites worse than anyone I've ever seen and would tell lies about employees to influence how his managers saw them. I couldn't get out of that job fast enough. If I stop to wonder what was worse, having my fiance walk out on me right before our wedding, or working for Satan for two years, it's a toss up. My fiance upset me greatly, but my boss caused me stress to the point of being physically ill from it and that stress lasted longer than the stress of the broken relationship. Confronting the boss did no good (on my appraisal) because he actually believed what he wrote, despite the fact that I had documentation that proved he was wrong (and 17 years of excellent appraisals prior to working for this nut case). The man is just a bad bad person. I've worked for other bosses I didn't like, but this is the first one I can truly say I don't respect.
The KEY ingredient: CHARM! That's a constant meditation of mine, how some people have it, other's don't. I have ZILCH for charm, and of course, I'm pea-green with envy for those who have it and can merely waltz through life, charming everyone in their paths, to achieve their selfish goals. Us charmless types have to work, work, work for everything we get out of life, and here they go, passing us in the fast lane at 130MPH, and we get the tickets for driving too slow.
My sister-in-law is surfeited with it. She's had my brother on the brink of bankruptcy for close to 30 years, has never worked a day in that marriage and has no intention to do so. 2 weeks after their marriage, she had a life insurance policy taken out on him, and 2 years ago when the possibility of divorce came up, she increased it another $100k, and has kept him in her grasp to this very day. My brother-in-law confronted her one time at a family get together: WHEN are you going to get a job? You know what this sociopath did? She found my brother a higher-paying job, and she smiled and thanked my brother-in-law for urging her to get a job, that is, finding a higher-paying job for my brother. Every time you have this urge to confront her sociopathic behavior, that charm goes into high gear, and the charm is SO blinding, you quickly forget what you were going to criticize her for.
I'm doing some research on a woman who has deceived many people and slandered/libelled numerous others. It has been a jaw dropping pursuit. I wonder how she became this way. I wonder even more how someone is able to lie to the point that they start to believe what they say and actually act on it. Even more, how she is going to react when all this info comes out? It is scary.
Have any of you known one? If so, did you confront them? How?
I spent many hours, days, and years with a husband who I was trying to "figure out". Only after getting away from him did I realize how horrible he really was. Mine was a jaw dropping "pursuit" also. Seems I spent a lot of time trying to rationalize why he never took responsibility for his actions, was capable of marvelous convincing lies, isolation of friends and family, felt he was standing at the side of the Lord instead of keeling at his feet, always better and more deserving than others, had no respect for the law, felt an unrealistice sense of entitlement (even though we were married), critical of others and made his own rules to go by (but mine was different). This man was Catholic, attended his church as required, and I did a double-take when I heard him say, (because of his prior divorce) that the "Pope would just have to understand that his situation was different" (that he was entitled to be forgiven for that divorce).
You can go to your favorite Search Engine and type in: "Anti-Social Personality, with Socio-Pathic Tendancies".
The best thing I ever did for myself was to run like hell from him, without prior notice, and no forwarding address!
As far as her reaction to when she "gets found out" - it doesn't work that way. They never accept responsibility for their actions! Just hope you are not around when she does get found out. I've heard they go ballistic and sometimes go to jail after physically hurting someone.
I think the hardest part is for you to try to "explain" your side of the situation. People will realize the truth in time. Trust me, it's not your job in life to fix her. There's lots of women out there. Have fun!
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Once Had One of Them In My Life
