Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Exactly. And what you look for in a partner can change in different phases of your life.
Exactly. I did not get this until I started living through it. Then you are faced with the should I stay or go decision which is also not an easy decision even when you have the means to leave.
Come to think of it .....I am not even sure why I got married? It sort if just happend. Sometimes life just happens. I went from studying, working, hanging out with freinds and travelling to being married with a baby in 2 years. None of this was planned.
Regardless.... I am not sure what would be worse ... marrying my high school sweet heart and literally livinh a totally generic cookie cutter life or being a roller coaster of a marriage. Dying of boredom vs. navigating through a mine feild.
I also got to say people who.are all so my marriage is great .... you never know for 100% sure what your spose is thinking or doing. You wake up tomorrow and get the rug pulled out from underneath you.
These comments just show neither of you get it. People change...you dont always know until after it is too late.
Sad but true.
Get married at 20, struggle with jobs, housing, have children, increased financial problem from larger family, careers fluctuate, possible problems with children, health, children's health.
It takes more than the right choice who to marry. I guess I'm one of the lucky few that my parents had a perfect family until they were parted by death.
Quote:
Originally Posted by klmrocks
Come to think of it .....I am not even sure why I got married? It sort if just happend. Sometimes life just happens. I went from studying, working, hanging out with freinds and travelling to being married with a baby in 2 years. None of this was planned.
Good if you planned on it, bad if it just sort of happened. The latter, success rests almost entirely on luck, good, bad or ugly.
Get married at 20, struggle with jobs, housing, have children, increased financial problem from larger family, careers fluctuate, possible problems with children, health, children's health.
It takes more than the right choice who to marry. I guess I'm one of the lucky few that my parents had a perfect family until they were parted by death.
Good if you planned on it, bad if it just sort of happened. The latter, success rests almost entirely on luck, good, bad or ugly.
I always wonder about these so called "perfect marriages". I am sure just like UFO's they exists, but it makes me wonder are they perfect or just are some people just better at concealing their discontentment.
Are some people just less demanding.
For example I come from a very expressive cultures. I am 100% not a WASP. I have been told they tend to be less expressive and hold their tongue in public more.
I am an expressive person and so is my husband. So we get each other mad it gets loud and direct.
In less 12 hours we went from:
- Very passion romantic encounter!
- To can you please shut up you are giving me a headache!
- Get out of my way I am trying to make something!
- Are you crazy? What is you problem
- Go hell!
- I hate you ... I wish I never met you
We were best friends last night... tolerating each other by breakfast and wanted to kill each other by lunch. Then I left the house so we did not kill each other .
Yes dear ... is more like ya ya ya go away.
If either or us is upset we are going to vocalize it... likely too much.
No like were 2 people sit downs for hours on end making every little decision together ... well what do you think... well what do you think and tip toes around things.
I have a bad feeling I think I under thought the whole marriage thing lol. It was sort of well I have never been marriage before... sure why not lol!
Oh well whatever... at least I can kick being marriage off my bucket list !
I get how people that are single for a long time find it harder to be in long term relationships after that. If I got divorced I think I was be 100% in no rush to getting married again. It sort of why have a roommate if you can afford to have the place for yourself.
I am going to have the entire August to explore what it would be like to be single ex no kid or husband around. So I get I have a better understanding of the other side of the coin by then.
These comments just show neither of you get it. People change...you dont always know until after it is too late.
This comment is just as diluted as suggesting someone should know they would get hit with a bus when trying cross the street.
My what sheltered cookie cutter perfect existinces some peoole must have to asume nothing or anyone could ever change.
That's you perception, and not my point. Of course people change, but a lot of the important stuff is either there in the beginning or not.
Don't bother with trying the insult of "cookie cutter perfect" and stuff.
You have a strange marriage by all your descriptions, and you've been told by a lot of people here it appears less than healthy.
Before mocking others, you may want to look inward and work your stuff out.
Yeah, a lot of us are happily married, and with a lot of changes. Go figure.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
That's you perception, and not my point. Of course people change, but a lot of the important stuff is either there in the beginning or not.
Don't bother with trying the insult of "cookie cutter perfect" and stuff.
You have a strange marriage by all your descriptions, and you've been told by a lot of people here it appears less than healthy.
Before mocking others, you may want to look inward and work your stuff out.
Yeah, a lot of us are happily married, and with a lot of changes. Go figure.
I think there are a lot more people out there that have marriages and lifestyles that don't fit the "Leave it to Beaver" Type Dynamics.
FYI you come across as feeling the need to defend your being happy with the type of marriage you have. Not sure why you feel the need to as there is no need to. Marriages are highly different and most people are not so open about the reality of theirs as I am being.
Refocusing on the thread title "Lifelong single guys, what keeps you going?"
I think marriage or single ... neither situation is perfect as there are pros and cons to both situations.
Mikala, people change a lot from their 20s to their 30s to later years, particularly with the stress of career, children, who knows what? In an ideal world both spouses would change in a compatible way, but in the real world all bets are off--the couple can drift away in different directions. Eventually if the drift becomes extreme the couple becomes incompatible. If they are lucky they grow in the same direction, unlucky and they drift apart. This is not an active and informed decision you can make at 20, not without being able to see the future--and none of us can see that.
For the record I have not seen klmrocks' posts as mocking, and evidently my definition of healthy is less strict than yours. The more topics I've interacted with her the more I see a person who could easily be misunderstood, as evident in my first recollection of replying to her "shopping" topic. At present my opinion is that klmrocks is no more or less messed up than average forum members--and I include myself as just the same category: a little bit messed up, not a lot messed up.
Mikala and klmrocks, I consider you both as two of the more interesting posters here in the forum, and I always look forward to both of your posts. I would not participate in this forum if not for the interesting posts of the likes of both of you!
I think there are a lot more people out there that have marriages and lifestyles that don't fit the "Leave it to Beaver" Type Dynamics.
FYI you come across as feeling the need to defend your being happy with the type of marriage you have. Not sure why you feel the need to as there is no need to. Marriages are highly different and most people are not so open about the reality of theirs as I am being.
Refocusing on the thread title "Lifelong single guys, what keeps you going?"
I think marriage or single ... neither situation is perfect as there are pros and cons to both situations.
Nope. I feel the need to defend nothing. You were snarky and I replied. No here has claimed LITB dynamics, just you.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Mikala, people change a lot from their 20s to their 30s to later years, particularly with the stress of career, children, who knows what? In an ideal world both spouses would change in a compatible way, but in the real world all bets are off--the couple can drift away in different directions. Eventually if the drift becomes extreme the couple becomes incompatible. If they are lucky they grow in the same direction, unlucky and they drift apart. This is not an active and informed decision you can make at 20, not without being able to see the future--and none of us can see that.
For the record I have not seen klmrocks' posts as mocking, and evidently my definition of healthy is less strict than yours. The more topics I've interacted with her the more I see a person who could easily be misunderstood, as evident in my first recollection of replying to her "shopping" topic. At present my opinion is that klmrocks is no more or less messed up than average forum members--and I include myself as just the same category: a little bit messed up, not a lot messed up.
Mikala and klmrocks, I consider you both as two of the more interesting posters here in the forum, and I always look forward to both of your posts. I would not participate in this forum if not for the interesting posts of the likes of both of you!
Of course. That is common knowledge. My comment was towards the support of guys thinking with their big heads more than the little one when making decisions of marriage.
And it was in the context of minimizing being taken to the cleaners for divorce. I stand by that.
I am referring to klmrocks post in the past in the relationship forum. They seem to thrive on a sometimes viscous dynamic and are downright nasty to each other. She always has a "I can't believe these people who say they are happy" comment.
It's not a big deal, I just find it odd. To each their own.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Of course. That is common knowledge. My comment was towards the support of guys thinking with their big heads more than the little one when making decisions of marriage.
In this respect of gonadal thinking vs. cerebral thinking, the exact thought patterns may differ between women and men, but the end result is the same: letting your hormones make a decision that overrides your brain's analytic ability to make an informed decision.
And I'll admit to have done that. Luckily none of my bad decisions ended in marriage or fatherhood.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
....
.
!
