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Bottom line (a lot of millennials seem to have a problem with this): you are responsible for all the bad or good that happens (most of the time). Just because you chose a domineering GF, does not reflect on women, it reflects on you. Etc. etc.
The only wrong choice I made is not breaking up with her at the first sign of disrespect, like yelling. Serves me right for having misguided loyalty, I guess.
The only wrong choice I made is not breaking up with her at the first sign of disrespect, like yelling. Serves me right for having misguided loyalty, I guess.
I wouldn't say serves you right, and you can't break up with people for one mistake. BUT, you should learn why you stayed (undeserved loyalty), and what to look out for in the future. THAT's personal responsibility.
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There ARE mistakes that are so huge that there can be no possible reconciliation.
Well... yeah. But in the context of her yelling at him and things like that. I mean technically, you can do anything you want.
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There ARE mistakes that are so huge that there can be no possible reconciliation.
Finding Cold Chisel or anything that even faintly resembles country in her record collection is grounds for immediate desertion and ghosting. Or at least it would be if I ruled the world.
Finding Cold Chisel or anything that even faintly resembles country in her record collection is grounds for immediate desertion and ghosting. Or at least it would be if I ruled the world.
Concrete, practical things are exactly what I described -- changing my behaviors, reactions to others, how I think of them and myself and how I express myself, which in turn changed other peoples' reactions to me.
You, on the other hand, have decided to accept people and circumstances you otherwise deem unacceptable, and hope/wish for the best. Is that not the very definition of "New Age" you offered? Are you not refusing to do the concrete, practical things to change yourself and your circumstances, and simply guessing and assuming your way through things?
You really have no idea whether a potential S.O. will agree to hike a trail until your feet are sore until you meet one and find out. And you will not meet one if you assume that women just want to eat dinner and discuss relationships; or if you assume that your friends are the frame of reference for all relationships.
You clearly consider yourself exceptional; there are many women who also are. But you have to do the work (on yourself) to attract and keep them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
"New Age" means telling someone they can rely on the power of their mind for anything and everything, when in reality, concrete practical things may be to blame. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age)
Well, if settling down isn't what I described, then what? So far, all relationships I observed among my age group have been very sedate; i.e. exactly as I described. Even among people who used to be very fun and outgoing in their single days. I know people are supposed to stop having fun and focus on their partner when they settle down after a certain age, but does it have to be that bad?
Besides, there's no way I'd expect my SO at my age to agree to, for example, hike on a trail until our feet are sore, then nurse the pain over a dinner of spicy wings and beer. (I've seen my friends' fiancees get tired after hiking for 1 mile, let alone 10 miles, like me and my friends used to do.) Or take a 2-hour road trip to some crazy costume festival just for the heck of it. Or even get drunk together just because we had a stressful work week. It seems more reasonable to expect her to want a candlelit dinner at home and "talk about the relationship". In fact, whenever I do see a couple over 30 truly having fun together, not just doing something romantic, I decide that they're either having a fling or just friends.
So back to the original topic: what keeps me going is that I still get to enjoy my weekends, rather than using them on "the relationship".
Last edited by SomeGuyInFairfax; 02-16-2017 at 08:46 PM..
just seeing the nature of women today, their impulsive, gossipy nature, their need for constant stimulation, variety, large social circles, partying, etc.. with my focus on a more "peaceful" life where I meditate, relax among nature, do solitary things like ride my road bike, I wouldn't want all that activity in my life that modern women demand. If I can find a nice loner or introvert, you can bet I'll snap her up and marry her if we vibe. I'm looking! The dating sites are close to a lost cause though. Add in living in a low population density area like South Dakota, which doesn't help things.. ... even the introvert women go after the edgy, outgoing men typically. They all seem to want this "social proofing" that I couldn't care less about.. being able to mingle in a bar.. no thanks.
So sorry you haven't met Ms Right yet. What you describe sounds like many young women, but certainly not all. There are some out there who share interests like you - who don't behave in such an immature way. Hang in, widen your circle. Do they have Meet Up get-togethers in your area? If so, you need to check out a few events, put yourself out there. Maybe volunteer more? Habitat might be a good place to volunteer at. Or, work at Lowe's or Home Depot Saturday mornings That's when single women go out to get project materials I would think the paint dept would give you the most hits. Good luck!
The only wrong choice I made is not breaking up with her at the first sign of disrespect, like yelling. Serves me right for having misguided loyalty, I guess.
Nope. You made the (wrong) choice of getting involved with her in the first place. People always reveal their true selves early on.
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I would think the paint dept would give you the most hits. Good luck!
