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I was reading the book, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE, by Dale Carnegie, the other day. He has some interesting ideas on interpersonal relationships. He says it is nearly impossible to get people to change how they interact with you. The only thing that can change is your reaction to them.
On occasion, I have some conflict with people. I think alot about sitting down with them and telling the person why I dislike them or what they do to me that drives me crazy. I have some fantasies about how I will come out with specific examples of their actions and communication style that bother me and through this interaction I am able to change how they talk to me. Everything is solved and the communication between us is great. Then I wake up and realize it is all a dream and figure out I can not change someone just by talking. Or can I?
Probably not. If you sat someone down and told someone why you dislike them, they would probably just tell you where to go because they don't really care why you dislike them.
Yes, as long as both people are open to the conversation and willing to really listen. Also, they have to care about what the person is saying and respect their feelings. I just had a discussion with a friend today about something that happened between us and we ended up talking about other things that bother us about each other. Some things will probably change and some will not but we both feel better getting it out in the open.
I have always told people (as nice as possible) what's on my mind and how I feel about them...the good and the bad. It's always worked out to be a positive experience, even when it ended the relationship. If you can't respect each others feeling, than why be friends?
Sometimes, if you change how you react to a person you are having a personality conflict with, you can change how they react to you in turn. You can throw water on the fire by doing this, just as you can throw gas on it by doing the opposite and continuing to antagonize someone you are not getting along with.
I've learned the hard way------ you can't change other people EVER! The advice to work on your reaction to the person is good- although sometimes it's best to act as if that annoying person just doesn't exist!
All depends on the nature of your relationship and whether you value it. Annoying co-workers... yeah right...be kind, be true to yourself.... you will fare fine. Heck, they are stuck with themselves, you are not. Love of your life...different story... talk about everything, talk about nothing , then talk some more. You may find out things you do not want to know, or maybe that things just aren't going to work out, but do you want to find out in 20 years. Yes, ignorance can be bliss but bliss can be awfully lonely.
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