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I'm so so sorry for your loss. My Charlie passed away a few months ago and I still have so many emotions about it and think about him all the time. But I have noticed that the grief is a little better now than it was right after he died. Just know that you will feel better in time. This intense grief and guilt you're feeling now is not permanent. Nikki knew you loved her and she is at peace. You did a kind thing for her.