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Old 04-11-2012, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Cambridge, MA
4,840 posts, read 12,457,172 times
Reputation: 6720

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On January 14th, I honored the pleas of my cat of 19 years ("Weasie") and helped release her from her cancer suffering at our vet's office. Because she'd been losing weight for some six months, and had been diagnosed, it was hardly as though this was sudden. I'd begun actively grieving before she died since I knew that it wasn't a question of "if" but "when." And I was aware that this process would go on for some time afterwards.

Until two weeks later I was paradoxically in a state of happiness despite the loss. Everything was still immediate - I was grateful that veterinary medicine had enabled Weasie to not go through needless prolonged agony. So although I missed her I was relieved that she'd been turned loose from her failing body to begin her new life.

A fresh phase of grief kicked in on the 28th of January as my perspective about her broadened to take account for the full two decades we'd spent together. It was time for my ego to take over with "Why me? " She was doing fine now, thank you very much. But I'd been left behind in this existence.

February and March passed in a blur as I continued to wax nostalgic for my "sugar beet" and go through the motions of living. However, each day went by better than the one before.

Here we are in April, and I seem to have taken a step back. The concept of Weeze and my not sharing our warm-weather rituals was well established in my mind. Such had been the case since last fall, when I'd gotten an inkling something wasn't right. Now spring is allowing for outdoor roaming, porch napping, and stoop perching. And the reality has hit. I'm not descending into sobbing fits or forcing myself to get out of bed, or anything like that. But the pain is fresher than it'd been for a month or so.

"This, too, shall pass." I'm still moving forward on plans to adopt successor cats before summer is out. Today I decided to post this not only to vent, but also to perhaps reassure someone whose loss of a pet is no longer all that recent. Kicking yourself isn't called for if the change of seasons, or some other reminder, is leaving you feeling more bereft than you'd been for a while. No timetable exists for mourning. I knew that moving on post-Weasie wouldn't be a straight trajectory. So I'm "rolling with it." Here's hoping this will lend a hand to others experiencing the same ups and downs.
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Old 04-11-2012, 04:49 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 5,819,616 times
Reputation: 3563
"No timetable exists for mourning." What a true statement! I recommend you reading this book:

Good Grief – Finding Peace After Pet Loss by Sid Korpi

While most pet loss books focus on the stages of grief and the psychology of the mourning process, Korpi goes beyond those aspects in her book. She shows the reader how to move on after loss and love again.
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Old 04-11-2012, 05:04 PM
 
3,620 posts, read 11,620,102 times
Reputation: 5714
Quote:
Originally Posted by goyguy View Post
On January 14th, I honored the pleas of my cat of 19 years ("Weasie") and helped release her from her cancer suffering at our vet's office. Because she'd been losing weight for some six months, and had been diagnosed, it was hardly as though this was sudden. I'd begun actively grieving before she died since I knew that it wasn't a question of "if" but "when." And I was aware that this process would go on for some time afterwards.

Until two weeks later I was paradoxically in a state of happiness despite the loss. Everything was still immediate - I was grateful that veterinary medicine had enabled Weasie to not go through needless prolonged agony. So although I missed her I was relieved that she'd been turned loose from her failing body to begin her new life.

A fresh phase of grief kicked in on the 28th of January as my perspective about her broadened to take account for the full two decades we'd spent together. It was time for my ego to take over with "Why me? " She was doing fine now, thank you very much. But I'd been left behind in this existence.

February and March passed in a blur as I continued to wax nostalgic for my "sugar beet" and go through the motions of living. However, each day went by better than the one before.

Here we are in April, and I seem to have taken a step back. The concept of Weeze and my not sharing our warm-weather rituals was well established in my mind. Such had been the case since last fall, when I'd gotten an inkling something wasn't right. Now spring is allowing for outdoor roaming, porch napping, and stoop perching. And the reality has hit. I'm not descending into sobbing fits or forcing myself to get out of bed, or anything like that. But the pain is fresher than it'd been for a month or so.

"This, too, shall pass." I'm still moving forward on plans to adopt successor cats before summer is out. Today I decided to post this not only to vent, but also to perhaps reassure someone whose loss of a pet is no longer all that recent. Kicking yourself isn't called for if the change of seasons, or some other reminder, is leaving you feeling more bereft than you'd been for a while. No timetable exists for mourning. I knew that moving on post-Weasie wouldn't be a straight trajectory. So I'm "rolling with it." Here's hoping this will lend a hand to others experiencing the same ups and downs.
Very well said and I hope it helps someone that is new to the grieving process. For me, I was doing fine and being very stoic about the loss of our dog Mariah. Then, cleaning the kitchen floor, there was a little bit of drool dried by where her dog dish used to be. So...I'm in the kitchen mopping the floor and sobbing my eyes out over a little bit of drool on the floor. Crazy - yes - but in my mind, I was erasing the last physical trace of my girl from our house. My husband was sure I had lost it when he came into the kitchen to console his sobbing wife and found out I was crying over drool on the floor. We all mourn in different ways and any number of things can be a trigger. You are right that there is no timetable. You just keep rolling with it. My condolences on the loss of Weasie
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