Torn up after dog's congestive heart failure death (rabbit, lost, how)

[broken_hearted_]

Originally Posted by Strelnikov

broken_hearted_ You have my sincere sympathies for the loss of your dog. Don't feel alone: I too have been second guessing myself after my beloved cat suddenly died a few months ago. I wonder if I should have told the vet to try to treat him after all. But my own vet said it would have just prolonged his pain, and this would be worse, I know. I think that all people who deeply love their animals will naturally agonize over their decisions.

About the time I think I am used to my Big Boy Kitty not being here, I see a spot where he liked to lie, or a toy, and it seems like he just left yesterday.

I know how you feel about regrets. I had several premonitions that my Yorick was not going to be with me much longer. I just ignored them, thinking it was a passing moment or that if referred to far in the future. Now I really wish I had taken them seriously. On the night Yorick died I was preoccupied with a lot of things, that now seem meaningless. I wish I had just straight home and held him. But, like my girlfriend said, we can't change the past, though it hard not to wish we could.

I have been told that the grief never goes away, time just sort of mutes it. I think that is pretty much true. I guess in the end we have the love and joy they brought to us.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm really sorry about Yorick. You obviously loved him and I am sure he knew that.

I know what you mean about intuition. I know I relied so much on my intuition throughout my dog's illness and truth be told that saved his life more than once. But near the end I really feel like I ignored my gut and just went along with the vet who, even though he was a cardiologist, I didn't fully trust. I was 4 months pregnant at the time (now 5 months) and don't want to blame that but I was so tired and so stressed that I wasn't really coping well and feel like my dog's treatment suffered because of that. Everyone kept telling me that I had to think of the baby and take care of myself- I should have just fully focussed on my little guy instead. I'm so sorry that he is gone and I am so sorry his last hours were spent suffering. I'm so angry the vets didn't give us the chance to say goodbye. I read so many stories about people who are sad and regretful they euthanised their pets but honestly that is the kindest, most respectful thing you can do at the end of an animal's life. We didn't get that chance and the doubts and questions surrounding how he died in the ICU and how much he suffered are unbearable.

I'm trying so hard to remember the good times with him but he was the perpetual puppy. He always had big shining eyes and a wagging tail. It seems impossible he was ready to go. He only appeared really unwell once we got him back from the ICU. I wish I'd never left him with them to be honest. I was syringing baby food at home and carrying him outside for fresh air. We really built him back up physically but had to leave him when the oral diuretic wasn't working. I really felt he had pneumonia but the vet didn't treat him with antibiotics and kept blaming the heart disease. He was so deteriorated when they gave him back to us- skin and bones, ataxia, respiratory distress... It's hard not to feel angry at them and myself.

I really appreciate your words. I know I can't change the past. Maybe I feel like I deserve to suffer for my actions. I feel like I can't live without him but somehow have to go on. I miss him so much my chest aches. I don't think I will ever recover from this. It's not recoverable. All I can hope is that you are right and that time dulls the pain. I'm just so sorry he had to suffer because of the humans around him. He was a strong, tough little dog with the kindest, most pure heart. He deserved better and I am so sorry I didn't do better by him. Take care.

[Dude111]

Originally Posted by Strelnikov

broken_hearted_ You have my sincere sympathies for the loss of your dog. Don't feel alone: I too have been second guessing myself after my beloved cat suddenly died a few months ago. I wonder if I should have told the vet to try to treat him after all.

Ahhhhhhhh dont feel guilty... Its hard to know whats best to do..... We dont want them in pain but the truth is WE DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE FEELING as they cant tell us....

You loved your kitty enough to do what YOU THOUGHT was the only right thing to do and that is what matters!

[cbconsult]

Hi. My name is Christina and I lost my beloved shar-pei of 15 years, Booda Bear, 3 weeks ago. I put his sister down the year before since she had seizures. It wasn't easy but I still had Boo so I think I put my grieving on hold until I lost him as well Now I grieve them both. Since I put her down, I just couldn't bring myself to do it for him. I feel selfish because I just couldn't let him go. Plus, he seemed to bounce back time and time again and ate/drank plenty and slept peacefully. In the end I think he had heart failure. In the end he couldn't breathe and I had to watch him die, which will haunt me for a long time. I feel I failed him because I should've done more or I should have put him down earlier. I've read plenty of posts and I try to convince myself that he wasn't aware of the suffocation because of lack of oxygen to his brain. I hope to God it's tru. The suffering is what's killing me now, the guilt. Some days are better but when I play with my friends' dogs it comes back. People tell me I gave him everything, so much attention, love, time, for 15 years and that is why he lived so long. In the end, we have to forgive ourselves. I'm sure they would if they could tell us how much happiness we brought to their lives. But I do understand. I'm reading support groups on the web and they suggest things like writing down all the fun and happy times you had with your dog, etc. Please read some of those. But I truly empathize, because I know how you feel. And you even went to the lengths of the emergency care, you did everything you could, really. ❤️

[AK-Cathy]

My sincere condolences. Your best furry friend's body (like my fur baby recently) could no longer sustain life at any reasonable quality and he was physically ready to die. No amount of money, medicine, different or more or less of it can save a situation like you described. God knows that if there were a barter system with death, I'd have gladly given a few good years of my life to have my fur baby with me longer but unfortunately the ways of the universe are beyond understanding or reckoning with. Coming from a long line of medical people I can say that even the best of human medicine often can not save people who's bodies are crashing in the manner that your dog was failing. Please don't feel guilty about the decisions that you made. You did what you could with what you had. Very likely the vets did what they could.

FWIW, he knows that you loved him and that did your best. At some point the sorrow of his passing will be outweighed and overshadowed by the joy of having known him and having him in your life. I can't tell you when that will be because though we've been through this three times (and are struggling with the most recent) I know that grief isn't linear but the sorrow yields to joy and that is a fitting tribute to your beloved pet.

Hugs for you. I truly understand and sympathize.

[AK-Cathy]

For those of you agonizing over end of life pain: I'll pass on a very vivid near death experience that happened to me as a 6 year old. It was the 4th of July and my family went to a very busy public pool for the afternoon. My mom told me to stay in the kiddy wading pool but it was full of much younger kids (toddlers) and the water was yellowish. Ugh.

So I thought that i could get in the big pool which was cooler and cleaner and hold onto the shallow end edge since I couldn't swim. Unfortunately a bunch of rowdy boys cannon balling separated me from the pool side. I was too small to get footing and stay above water so I essentially drowned. I went through the panic and trying to catch my breath phase but it was some what brief. I remember being slowly pulled slightly floating along the pool bottom toward the deep end and I remember not being aware of my breathing status at all but rather I was aware of the sunlight coming in shafts through the water, the legs of swimmers above me, the muffled noises, the coolness of the water and the beauty of it all in a drug like state of complete calm.

Then I was aware of being above the pool in time to see a red headed teenaged boy shout, "Hey!" and dive down to get me. I was passing under the last rope at that time into the diving area. I next recall the feeling of fire as water was coming out of my lungs after being pulled from the pool. This all passes muster with the witnesses at the time and I was only aware of my out of body experience years later as a teenager after telling the story of seeing my rescuer which was how it transpired after asking my mother.

My discomfort was minimal in the dying process. I saw beauty and light and was at peace with that being the end for me. I am positive it's the same for our beloved pets. It's our gift at the end of life. I can't get into theology I'm not qualified, but since I was an innocent child and since our pets are innocent as we are both innocent animals it has to be the same.

In a similar vein, I wasn't there for my father's passing because I was in AK and it was fast but my sister reported that at the end, he relaxed and had a very peaceful "young dad" look for the first time in years. I hope that provides some measure of comfort to those worried about the suffering of their beloveds at the end of life.

[Blessed2015]

I read what happend to your sweet doggy, and I had similar thing happen to my little Chihuahua dog. It hurts so much and I still blame myself for her death, even though everybody tells me it was not my fault. I adopted her at 9 years old, and she already had a stage 1 heart mumur, but it was not causing health problems, Then in 2014, one day I noticed she was swelled up like a balloon all over, and was having labored breathing. I took her to the Hospital and they said she was in late stages of CHF, and her heart murmur was in the worst stages too. She was prescribed lasix, and 2 heart meds. She only weighed 6 pounds before she became sick then all the fluid made her weigh 10 pounds, all fluid. The medicine had to be given through a syringe because she would not take the medicine crushed in her food, when she was eatting. It seemed after she started taking the heart medicine she became worst, She stopped eating and she would lay around , and had trouble getting up to go to bathroom. I saw she was getting skin and bones. I started feeding her Ensure to get her nutrients and liquid vitamins for dogs. On Feb 28th around 1 hour before she died, she had 4oz of ensure, then after that she got a burst of energy or something, and she ran into my room, laid down at the door, shaking her head from side to side, like something was wrong, then she ran real fast, acting very scared and ran under the table in my room, then sat down, and let out a big breath, then I called her name and touched her but no response, I shook her and tried to get her to wake up or respond but only response I saw was her stomach did a muscle movement. It looked as if the ensure had moved down to her stomach. I would never get her put down, because I wanted to let her pass away on her on time, however, I feel like I should not have given her so much ensure, because maybe it was too much fluid for her and it had no place to go, since she was already full of fluid and she drowned in fluid from her heart and the liquid food. I feel so guilty. I should have known not to have fed her the ensure, but I did not want her to starve and was only trying to help get nutrients in her starving body from her not eating. Please tell me where do you think she got that burst of energy from after eating the ensure? could she had been having a seizure, or chest pain or did the energy stop her heart suddenly after she sat down. I was thinking if she was not breathing, well , after eating, she would not have been able to run to the room and then run under the table. I am still in emotional pain and feel gulity.

[Ngthoangyen]

Broken_Hearted_ (HUG) Rainbow Bridge

Thank your for sharing your story and please accept my condolences. I know it's been awhile since you lost your baby dog but I'm sure you remember him each and everyday. I wish I would've found this website much sooner especially when Money, my lovely dog still alive so I can read comments and get advise on CHF and realize what kind of pain she was going through. I cried as I was reading your post knowing how much efforts you have put in both emotionally and financially for your dog. He was a lucky dog! There are so many of who love our pet very very much, but we all have different way of thinking about whether or not it's worth to buy time for our friend. I'm sure your dog knows how much you've done for him and he was fortunate to be treated and kept until the last minute. Like the other poster wrote, we wouldn't be able to predict the future so it was not your fault. You wanted to save him by keeping him at the ICU. If you brought him home and witness his death, it would be harder to get over the guilt in my opinion.

I was pregnant soon after Money was diagnosed with CHF. One day when I took her for a walk, suddenly she just fainted and collapsed. At that very moment I thought she was gone. I carried her back home and placed hermdown in front of the door so I can open. She woke up but seemed very tired and dehydrated. I got a cup of water and put ice cubes in for Her as I know she loved it. The next day I took her to see the cardiologist and that was when I found out she was diagnosed with severe CHF.
Today is 3 weeks and 3 days after Money is gone. I know I did the right thing for letting her go but looking back, I wish I would've spent more time with her on the last day. That morning, she was just laying on the bed looking at me while I was busy working and called to her vet and creamate services to have things arranged. I didn't know it feels to be without her until she's gone. Looking at every corners in my house I miss her so much

[Dude111]

Originally Posted by Blessed2015

I am still in emotional pain and feel gulity.

Ahhhhhhh I am sorry....

Your such a good person

[Keiannaj]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I just lost my 13 yr old shih/Pom 3 days ago. I can assure you it aS not the ensure that contributed to his passing. That stomach spasms-contraction whatever is very common (esp before passing) and one I will never forget. I just wanted you to know. It was just his time and on his time. If love could have saved them, we all know they would live forever.

[Dances_With_Dachshunds]

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss here.
Just 3 weeks ago my 17 year old dachshund I'd had from rescue for almost 15 years, was diagnosed with CHF. At first you don't know what to do or think. I was told by our vet that some can be placed on meds and regulate pretty well, some go home and pass, and some need help to pass on.
We tried meds and he seemed to do better that week. He did have very labored breathing, but looked and behaved normally otherwise.
This past week-end, he began to have much more labored breathing, and on Monday I brought him in to the vet to be looked at. She told me she felt it was time. I felt like I was going to faint. I began to cry and told her I needed my son to be with me, as I couldn't go through this by myself. We had gotten Mickey when my son was only 16 and now he is 32. That's a long time and a lot of love and happiness to just let go of.
Fortunately my son could take half the day off, and the next day, as we were planning on letting him go on Tuesday. God knows what he is doing. We stayed with Mickey as long as we could and finally made the decision to let him go through an emergency vet visit Monday evening, around 10:45. It was meant to be that way. Dimly lit, no phones ringing, no other distractions, so our focus could be completely on Mick. We stayed with him all the way to the end. We also brought our other fur baby who is 13 with us, as the boys had been together for 13 years.
I'm hoping I still have a lot of time with him,and our other rescue girl.
It's so sad, and so difficult. It's only been 4 nights without my baby sleeping next to me, but it feels like and eternity.
He was picked up from the vet yesterday, and will return to me on Monday, 2/4/19. I'm hoping to feel some sense of closure than.
In the meantime I have gone on the Rainbow Bridge website and left a tribute, as well as ordered several books on pet loss.
I believe we will all be reunited with our babies one day, and that, along with the love and happiness we shared, and my remaining babies is what keeps me going.