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Old 02-09-2008, 04:17 AM
3 posts, read 16,266 times
Reputation: 18


Boz was my fist adult pet, he even travelled to Australia with me. He was 7 years old and got really sick in one week. He stopped eating, was very lathargic, breathing heavy. One vet said it was pain, but I went to a specialist and they took an xray and biopsy and found that 50% of his lungs were cancerous cells and blood and tumors.

I don't know how to deal with it. He was on 40% oxygen because he could no longer breathe well. He was put to sleep this morning Ausi time. The thing that hurts the most is that he couldn't see my face when they injected him. I was holding him and petting his head and talking to him telling him "he's a good boy, and brave" but I never got to look him in the eyes. At the time I didn't think about it, but now its haunting me.
I even think about not knowing he was terminal. I didn't get recent photos, or to spend every waking moment with him...or have him sleep in the room with me. I don't understand how he got sick so quickly....even with all the quarintine and checkups and shots he had to have before moving to Australia.
It hurts, I came home and tried to get rid of everything of his, but I couldn't get rid of his "baby" (stuffed toy) he carried everywhere with him. He was my big happy bullmastiff....but was he needing me....by the time I knew it we were on a 24 hour straight vet trip and he never came back home..
He was my child and best friend...he was always treated better than people and so loving.
I just can't get past him not seeing my face, I close my eyes and I see him facing the wall....he may have heard my voice and touch, but all he saw was wall.....I just don't know how to accept that and if he was scared..

Moderator cut: invalid link

Last edited by Sam I Am; 02-10-2008 at 03:21 AM.. Reason: adding pics
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Old 02-09-2008, 06:15 AM
1,005 posts, read 1,668,126 times
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I'm really very sorry for your loss. I've put down 2 kitties & it's never easy. Anyone who has had a pet put to sleep feels the same & I'm sure the responses that follow will tell you the same. As their protectors, we feel we should have done something more... that guilt is a normal stage of grief. Having given them wonderful lives with caring, loving homes was giving them our best. They knew that & we can feel we've done our best, too.

Mine passed at ages 14 & 19, which although longer than the lifespan of most pets, didn't seem long enough to me. It never does & never will. We want them forever. Your little one knew you were there & knew you were doing the best for him just as our animal friends know when we're coming home & sit by the door waiting for us. They have an amazing perception... all of them. I felt the same guilt with mine as the process went by so quickly, I didn't feel I had proper time to comfort them. Looking back, no time would have felt enough. A few minutes, an hour, another day, an extra week... none of it would have felt long enough. My little ones knew what was happening was a part of life, knew I was doing what was necessary for their best comfort & care & knew I was in the room with them, by their sides. They know. They all know, whether you held them or not, had eye contact with them or not... they tune into us & always have... they knew we were there & were greatly comforted by that, as they always were.

There are some cultures (Indian, Icelandic) who believe animals that choose to become pets are willingly sent here to protect us, which is why some will develop the same illness as their caretakers & the reason people oftens say our pets resemble us. They've decided to have a brief time on this plane, teaching us the true meaning of love & life & willingly do so for our benefit, absorbing any dis-ease we develop to protect us. If anyone chooses to believe this, they'll take great comfort in knowing our pet friends are happy that they've done us a great service, willing taking our affection during their lifetimes as a great reward for all they've gifted us with, while with us.

Grief has many stages & it is a big change when our house feels empty of our friends. We give our animals a great honor by remembering how much love they've brought into our hearts & homes. That will always remain, so, the house is never empty.

If you feel so inclined, there are local pet grief groups. Perhaps you can find one in an online search or on craigslist. Let yourself go through the processes you need with the full knowing that your little one knew how much love you have for him, even in your last moments together & that you'll always hold that dear. He knew long before the day. They tune in much more than most humans. And... I believe animals have souls (others may differ)... so they are around us & know how much we still care for them. I still have a small kitten frame with my 2 little ones' pics in it & they've been gone for awhile now. Do something like this to honor your little one, as it will make you feel better.

Remember what a joy it was that you had all those years together. Some people who've never had pets, or your pet, don't know that same joy... VV
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Old 02-09-2008, 09:34 AM
Location: Ladysmith,Wisconsin
1,587 posts, read 7,140,467 times
Reputation: 748
Sorry for your loss.
Do not feel guilty as it is hard to do but BOZ loves you and knows that you loved him and cared enough not to let him suffer. Better he not see you and see your tears as that would put fear in him.Just being their talking,petting him relaxed him. Boz will always have a special spot in your heart,he will always know the love he had and will be waiting on the other side when is your time. Now Boz is your special angel watching down on you and he would not want you to feel guilty for letting him go and rid himself of pain.
Always keep that special toy as remembrance of all the good times you had together.
Boz RIP.
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Old 02-09-2008, 07:40 PM
389 posts, read 3,427,955 times
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Do not feel guilty. He knew you were there with him, and that's what counts. There are alot of people who don't have the strength to even stay in the room, which I can understand, but I still think is so sad that this pet devoted it's life to their people and get dropped off to spend their last day scared and alone with strangers...like I said, I understand that it is just too hard for alot of people, but I really believe owners being there makes a difference to the pet to be less frightened and stressed. Your guy knew you loved him, and you just being there was enough for him. Having assisted with many euthanasia procedures, I think it may actually be better to not look them in the eye as it happens because seeing that change as they slip away is really hard...I can't quite explain, and some people probably disagree with me, but it's like it's not your dog any more, and it's really hard to see. It's even hard for me to see in other people's pets...without even knowing their personalities, I can still see that moment where everything changes and it is still so sad to me every time.

I guess my point in all of this is, please don't carry around guilt over something that you handled very well. I am sure it meant more to your friend to know that you were there with him than the geography of where you were in the room. You were a great friend to him and he will always be with you and is not holding any grudges about anything.

I am sorry for your loss, but please focus on the good times you shared with your fur buddy and not the last sad moments.
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Old 02-10-2008, 02:02 AM
3 posts, read 16,266 times
Reputation: 18
Thank you everyone for your kind words... Even thinking of the good times with Boz, hurts more because I know he will never be here again...it's heart wrenching and empty..But thank you for your words. My mind now goes back to all the things I missed..the signs of him being sick...or if he wasn't boarded for a week about 3 weeks ago, maybe he would still be here a bit longer. I feel maybe the stress triggered it...I know I am looking for impossible answers but I can't stop thinking of those things.
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Old 02-10-2008, 03:26 AM
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 17,275,631 times
Reputation: 7678
Eluded, peace to you - and try not to beat yourself up. Dogs seem to get ill very quickly and there is little or nothing you could have done if his disease process was that far along.

I think it is only natural to think we could have changed fate when we really know we have so little impact on the universe. Just comfort yourself that Boz was not terminally ill and in a weakened state for a long time - he had a great life right up until it was time for him to cross over. He heard you, he felt your presence and your love - and I know he is grateful that he made his journey knowing you were there. Peace to you.
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Old 02-10-2008, 12:48 PM
Location: The Lakes Region
3,074 posts, read 4,402,261 times
Reputation: 2361
A Dog's Prayer (Author unknown)

Treat me kindly, my beloved master for no heart in the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.
Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I lick your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ears.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements.
And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth.
Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my God, and I am your devoted worshipper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.
Feed me clean food, that I may well to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready , willing, and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the Great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you......rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest......and I will leave you knowing with my last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.

You did the right thing and ended his suffering....Grieve for him and then move on it's what he would want and remember he is still with you.....always..

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Old 02-18-2008, 09:26 AM
17 posts, read 74,402 times
Reputation: 33
I am truly sorry that you have lost your child, Boz. I know the pain and the anguish you are going through. You were Boz's everything, but Boz knew that you were there and that is really what matters most. You were there for Boz and he knew it. It is a painful thing to send your dog to heaven, I had to send my 12yr old Great Dane to heaven on 2/11/08. This is how I found your post, I am so grief stricken that I have been on the internet to find ways to deal with the loss of my sweet girl. I was holding her head and looking in her eyes when she started her journey..and that is what haunts me.. So maybe it was best that you did not see the pain that Boz was comsumed by in his final moments. I am so sorry....Something that has helped me tremendously, I made a video tribute for my girl and I put it on YouTube. You can find it by searching for Great Dane Piper Her Life. I know you loved your Boz,and spending the time making his tribute will be time well spent and will help you remember the good times. It helped me a great deal. I will tell Piper to look for Boz, I think they would be good for each other....With Love, Piper's Mom
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Old 03-12-2008, 10:10 AM
2,154 posts, read 4,143,590 times
Reputation: 2145
I am very sorry for your loss

Boz will be waiting for you on the other side... I am not a very religious person, but the one faith I do have is that anything that we have loved and that has loved us will be with us again when we pass on
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Old 03-24-2008, 09:29 AM
1 posts, read 6,735 times
Reputation: 10
Unhappy Tomorrow is the day I say Goodbye

I have been reading these posts with tears running down my cheeks. I would never have thought it possible to weep so much and still have more to come! I am taking my beautiful Border Collie, Glen to be put to sleep tomorrow morning at 11.30 and in one way I'm dreading it because my 'baby' is leaving me and in another it will be a relief as he'll be at peace.
We had him from a Rescue Centre 13 and a half years ago and he was about 2 or 3 then. He had been mistreated badly and didn't know who he could trust so he was quite aggressive initially. However, with lots of love and patience he calmed down and over the years he has become a beautiful, gentle and loving companion and the bond with him is so strong it's breaking my heart to have to say goodbye. We love him so much and we know that the kindest thing we can do for him now is to let him go. His hind legs have been getting weak for a long time but he was still able to get up and walk outside when he wanted the toilet. However, in the last few weeks his legs have been getting worse and he can no longer get up or stand on his own. My partner, Steve, has to carry him outside but obviously there are times when he makes a mess indoors and I can tell it upsets him as he's been the cleanest dog you could wish for. Now he's stopped eating and just lies sleeping most of the time or looking around. We don't know how much he can see as he has cataracts. There is no way we can allow him to carry on but I don't know how I will cope tomorrow. I suppose the only comfort is knowing we have done the right thing by him. I do know time's a healer and it will get better but I will miss him so much.
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