Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As a student of the study of human behavior, I'm intrigued by Southern versus Northern responses to the same thing.
Francois's response is an excellent example of how a Southerner responds to an outsider blatantly asking questions with no regard as to how they sound to others.
So you have your first lesson right here about a nuance of Southern culture: Choose your words carefully. Don't complain. Don't give any impression whatsoever that you're complaining. Be polite. (And I think ALL of that, generally, is a very good thing.)
Non-Southerners might see this attention to politeness as a bit extreme, even disingenuous, because the person may not be sharing his or her REAL, "true" feelings and may not be behaving 100 percent truthful.
That's why outsiders, in some situations, see Southerners as having "fake" Southern charm, while Southerners sincerely feel they are simply being polite, even if they themselves do not believe what they are saying at the time.
For Southerners, it is more important to be "polite" (or their concept of "polite.")
To non-Southerners, it's more important to be "honest" (or their concept of "honest.").
As a Northerner, I don't respond in quite the same way to MariettaMan's questions. I didn't see them as insulting. Instead, I imagined him walking off his flying saucer and wondering about all those two-legged, two-eyed people he is seeing. I think it's bizarre that he's asking at all. I would think he was a troll if he didn't have such a long history of asking a lot of strange questions.
As far as his commuting question, none of it makes sense. People aren't flocking to be close to RTP unless they work there. And of course sitting in traffic -- wasting gas, breathing fumes, sitting and doing nothing productive -- is something the vast majority of humans would like to avoid. It doesn't matter that people in other places commute for 2 hours. We should WANT that? No. Makes no sense.
But it's okay. It would be a dull world if we all thought exactly the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Francois
The way you are asking these questions is quite rude and patronizing of a place you've just landed in: "What's wrong with you people here??" "Why is everyone obsessed with ___?" etc. If you would just ask in a straightforward manner, people will answer your question, but you've got a chip on your shoulder and that rubs people the wrong way.
I deny that you are "trying to grasp an understanding of the philosophy, culture and nuances of the area"--it sounds as if you are trying to pick a fight, and people on their own turf don't generally appreciate outsiders who've lived here just a few days/weeks making judgments in your tone.
Let's compare:
Marietta Man: "What is the obsession with being close to RTP and having a tiny commute?"
vs
(alternative)"I am curious as to why people care so much about being close to work--it isn't so important, where I come from"
Same question, two different attitudes. Which do you think will get more responses?
Marietta Man: "Does Raleigh have a drug store fetish? How many do you people need?"
vs
(alternative) "Is there a reason there seem to be more drugstores here than where I am accustomed to?"
[Hint: using the term "you people", especially when you are the one who is new to the area, on someone else's turf, is never seen as anything but insulting, anywhere]
Marietta Man: "I'm here, Now what? I'm not going to research it myself because I want you to tell me"
vs
(alternative) "Hi, everyone! I just moved here--what are the things in the area I should see first, in your opinion?"
I doubt you see the difference, but it's all about the chip-on-the-shoulder, "What's wrong with 'you people' here?" tone that is causing your entrance into this area to be less than welcomed with open arms (perhaps).
Anyone who moves to a new area and immediately goes on the offensive about it--particularly in this area, where we've been the recipient of such attitudes for, oh, 40-50 years from transplants--is going to get a frosty or brusque response. Try wording your questions differently and not putting people on the defensive when you have lived here such an incredibly short time.
It's all up to the individual. I feel like a long commute is a waste of my time. I sit in the car thinking of all those things that I could be doing. Our next move will be closer (within 15 minutes) to my job. My DH has a 45 minute commute. He thinks it's a breeze and doesn't mind it at all. He doesn't want us to factor his commute into our move as a deciding factor. He enjoys listening to the radio and driving. I would prefer to be out 'running and playing.'
I have two comments-
First off-there is no need to have a long commute if you are relocating here from out of state. There are plenty of choices in multiple price ranges that are close to the varied employment centers of the area. Anyone who moves here and unwittingly ends up with a 45 minute commute didn't do their research. I don't work in RTP but when I moved here from out of state I was very concerned about commute time. I was able to cut 10 HOURS a week out of my time in the car. Go try to find and extra 10 hours a week anywhere else in your busy schedule.
Second-regarding the "obsession" with being close to RTP, the argument can be made that West Cary/Morrisville is simply the most centralized location in the Triangle, period. Close to the Airport, easy drive to Downtown/Durham/Chapel Hill, easy highway access, 15 minutes to Brier Creek, 15 minutes to Jordan Lake,you name it. I have said before that if the Triangle were pictured on an archery target that West Cary would be the bullseye.
great post Francois Marietta Man's posting style remonds me of Charlton Dudes provocative posts and seems to get similar reactions
Originally Posted by Marietta Man
Francois, I don't know why I seem to be rubbing you the wrong way but it seems you have an issue with any question I ask. I am trying to grasp an understanding of the philosophy, culture and nuances of the area.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Francois
The way you are asking these questions is quite rude and patronizing of a place you've just landed in: "What's wrong with you people here??" "Why is everyone obsessed with ___?" etc. If you would just ask in a straightforward manner, people will answer your question, but you've got a chip on your shoulder and that rubs people the wrong way.
I deny that you are "trying to grasp an understanding of the philosophy, culture and nuances of the area"--it sounds as if you are trying to pick a fight, and people on their own turf don't generally appreciate outsiders who've lived here just a few days/weeks making judgments in your tone.
Let's compare:
Marietta Man: "What is the obsession with being close to RTP and having a tiny commute?"
vs
(alternative)"I am curious as to why people care so much about being close to work--it isn't so important, where I come from"
Same question, two different attitudes. Which do you think will get more responses?
Marietta Man: "Does Raleigh have a drug store fetish? How many do you people need?"
vs
(alternative) "Is there a reason there seem to be more drugstores here than where I am accustomed to?"
[Hint: using the term "you people", especially when you are the one who is new to the area, on someone else's turf, is never seen as anything but insulting, anywhere]
Marietta Man: "I'm here, Now what? I'm not going to research it myself because I want you to tell me"
vs
(alternative) "Hi, everyone! I just moved here--what are the things in the area I should see first, in your opinion?"
I doubt you see the difference, but it's all about the chip-on-the-shoulder, "What's wrong with 'you people' here?" tone that is causing your entrance into this area to be less than welcomed with open arms (perhaps).
Anyone who moves to a new area and immediately goes on the offensive about it--particularly in this area, where we've been the recipient of such attitudes for, oh, 40-50 years from transplants--is going to get a frosty or brusque response. Try wording your questions differently and not putting people on the defensive when you have lived here such an incredibly short time.
Where do you read that many people want to be close to RTP?
I read it here on this blog when people suggest living near RTP without even knowing anything about where the person will be working. I read it in real estate articles where they tend to focus on RTP. I also was being pushed that way by the agents I was interviewing, which made it easy to eliminate them from my list. I ended up with a great agent who listens to me and what I want.
I read one understandable explanation for some people wanting that extremely short commute. If you have kids you need to be working close to home. This is something I did not factor in because I don't have children. I see posts on here all the time asking about family oriented neighborhoods so it may now make sense why so many people are thinking of being close to home. This may explain the obsession with a short commute for some people. It doesn't explain the need to be near RTP. It could just be a market conditioning tactic.
IMO spending time in the car is a waste of my time. I'd rather spend the commute time with my kids. Living close to work especially when we have such a great variety to choose from is wonderful in this area.
The way you are asking these questions is quite rude and patronizing of a place you've just landed in: "What's wrong with you people here??" "Why is everyone obsessed with ___?" etc. If you would just ask in a straightforward manner, people will answer your question, but you've got a chip on your shoulder and that rubs people the wrong way.
I deny that you are "trying to grasp an understanding of the philosophy, culture and nuances of the area"--it sounds as if you are trying to pick a fight, and people on their own turf don't generally appreciate outsiders who've lived here just a few days/weeks making judgments in your tone.
Francois, maybe you haven't moved anywhere unfamiliar in recent memnory. When you move somewhere that is new to you, you always use where you came from as a reference. It is your starting point. From there you learn and make adjustments. You interpret my questions to be insulting people where you live because that is how you want to see it. You see any question about where you live as an insult, when all it is is a comparison to where I came from and what I am accustomed to. The negative tone you constantly display with me is something I see in your posts to other people. Some people are just that way.
I met a lot of people since I moved here a few weeks back and I found almost all of them to be friendly and helpful. If I encountered the tone you have been setting more often, I think I would have a different opinion of my new home. I currently have a very favorable opinion and with more knowledge I hope to keep it that way. It all depends on what type of people I run into. Helpful and polite people or people who seem to get up on the wrong side of the bed everyday.
I have two comments-
First off-there is no need to have a long commute if you are relocating here from out of state. There are plenty of choices in multiple price ranges that are close to the varied employment centers of the area. Anyone who moves here and unwittingly ends up with a 45 minute commute didn't do their research. I don't work in RTP but when I moved here from out of state I was very concerned about commute time. I was able to cut 10 HOURS a week out of my time in the car. Go try to find and extra 10 hours a week anywhere else in your busy schedule.
Second-regarding the "obsession" with being close to RTP, the argument can be made that West Cary/Morrisville is simply the most centralized location in the Triangle, period. Close to the Airport, easy drive to Downtown/Durham/Chapel Hill, easy highway access, 15 minutes to Brier Creek, 15 minutes to Jordan Lake,you name it. I have said before that if the Triangle were pictured on an archery target that West Cary would be the bullseye.
The difference I see is in the pricing of new homes. For adding 15 minutes to a commute, you can save a ton of money on a house. I am looking at new housing only. I am not sure of the pricing difference with resales. If I was to try to find a new house in the size I want with a niece piece of land and with mature trees, the price would be much more expensive near RTP, if even available at all.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Marietta Man's posting style remonds me of Charlton Dudes provocative posts and seems to get similar reactions
