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They will need as much time as possible to settle things with their friends. Make sure they start an address book with names addresses and numbers of EVERYONE they can think of that they might want to contact in the future. Give them disposable cameras to run around and take pictures of thier friends and the area, thier bedrooms, anything they think is important. Then when they are settling into their new home they don't feel so isolated from everything they've known. Talk of the benefits of moving. How it will help them, and you, and everyone as a family.
Prepare them for the change, and they will be fine.
Thank you Chip. The idea, although a good one, of picture taking brings a tear to my eye.
They will need as much time as possible to settle things with their friends. Make sure they start an address book with names addresses and numbers of EVERYONE they can think of that they might want to contact in the future. Give them disposable cameras to run around and take pictures of thier friends and the area, thier bedrooms, anything they think is important. Then when they are settling into their new home they don't feel so isolated from everything they've known. Talk of the benefits of moving. How it will help them, and you, and everyone as a family.
Prepare them for the change, and they will be fine.
Great ideas about the address book and disposable camera. My son loves taking pictures.
Please tell them, ASAP. They probably have already guessed at what is going on. My kids sure did. They eavesdrop on those important conversations!
After you tell them how much better it will be in the new place, & why, be prepared for them to be sad. You can't ever replace the friendships they have, and they will not be excited about the new ones till you arrive here.
Last January I made a big fuss about the move, with my then 11, 6, & 4 year olds. Then, we dropped most discussion of it & "got on" with sports, playdates, etc. I wanted their time left in NY (7 months) to be normal, not a long drawn out goodbye. A few weeks before the move it got sad again. It just cannot be helped.
We have family in NY who visit, & we have visited, too.
Now they older 2 are in NY with my parents for camp- they are having a blast. My husband & daughter & I will be going up for a week.
I have an 8 year old and a 3 year-old and it was the same way. The 8-year-old was set against it. But we actually did take them on the trip to NC, they got excited when looking at houses, telling us which ones they liked! We also made sure their was down time and took them to a park in Cary that they loved, to Johnson lake for paddle boating, and walking, and to another lake to watch the boats pulling out. They came back very excited about how beautiful the area was and then the 8-year-old wanted to be more involved in the move, packing, how her new room would be etc. Its always hard for kids to move to a new place, friends etc, I wish you all the best!
Boy is THIS a subject near and dear to my heart! And we haven't even definitely decided yet because we need at least one of us to find the RIGHT job that will also relo us. It looks as though it's getting close for me, though.
I have a 16, almost-13 and 7 year old. The middle one, surprisingly, is the one who's ready to go. But he loves to be outside, loves sports--and as long as we find some way for him to play hockey on a USA team (his coach knows lots of people in NC, so this shouldn't be too hard), he's fine with it. There are things he's bummed about, like missing the big 8th grade trip to Wash/NYC.
My 7 year old is sad about leaving her friends, but she's so outgoing and social, she'll find new best friends quickly. My 16 year old is a problem. Actually, he's been very mature about it, saying he understands the reasons his dad and I want/need to move. He just wishes he could finish high school here (2 more years). Believe me, we are considering it, especially if I wind up going down there first and he stays behind 6+ months or until he finds a job. Then we just have his senior year to deal with and we've had offers from friends to house him for a year.
But speaking of bribery--well, if we do move and we bring him, we're going to get him a car. Up here he was going to be able to have use of my car when it worked out but not have his own unless he purchased it himself. If we go down there, I'll most likely have a new car/company car, so my 8 year old Volvo will go to him.
I should also mention that I've told him the world is a smaller place these days--they have things we didn't have such as email, IM, cell phones with free night/weekend long distance and airtime, facebook, etc. And with the extra $$$$ we'll have from better incomes and lower housing, we can get him back up to MA to visit his friends.
We told our girls once we were *sure it was what we were going to do. (They were 9 and 15 at the time). The 9 year old was fine, the 15 wasn't too sure...and won't be until she gets some local friends.
I would definately recommend bringing the kids with you on your next visit, and do all kinds of great NC things. The museums, the parks, the boating, the beach...instead of focusing on the leaving...it will give them other things to focus on that are more positive and fun.
We just moved this week with our ten and seven year old sons. We did all the initial scoping and planning with them being kept in the dark. However once we were on the verge of placing the house on the market we revealed our plans to them.
The key for us was having taken several trips to the area and enjoying positive experiences so they could connect to those. Plus we gave them plenty of lead time and promised we'd stay through the end of the school year.
We also spent a lot of time strategizing as to where the benefits were likely to be for them (e.g. much bigger yard, extended warm weather season, Daddy not worrying about money all the time etc.) and emphasized those during our many conversations about the move. We also did not try to diminish their concerns which mostly centered on leaving old friends and making new ones. We made plans with several friends to come down and visit within the first two months.
The sum total of our experience is that the ten year old probably already knows and maybe even the eight year old. My ten year old knew everything just from paying attention. He had even started dropping hints by saying things like "sometimes I wish I could have a fresh start" or "it would be neat to live someplace new and get to explore it". It was his way of letting us know he was OK with our decision.
Bottom line is be honest and trust them to adjust. Let them cry, yell or keep silent until they internalize the news.
We just moved this week with our ten and seven year old sons. We did all the initial scoping and planning with them being kept in the dark. However once we were on the verge of placing the house on the market we revealed our plans to them.
The key for us was having taken several trips to the area and enjoying positive experiences so they could connect to those. Plus we gave them plenty of lead time and promised we'd stay through the end of the school year.
We also spent a lot of time strategizing as to where the benefits were likely to be for them (e.g. much bigger yard, extended warm weather season, Daddy not worrying about money all the time etc.) and emphasized those during our many conversations about the move. We also did not try to diminish their concerns which mostly centered on leaving old friends and making new ones. We made plans with several friends to come down and visit within the first two months.
The sum total of our experience is that the ten year old probably already knows and maybe even the eight year old. My ten year old knew everything just from paying attention. He had even started dropping hints by saying things like "sometimes I wish I could have a fresh start" or "it would be neat to live someplace new and get to explore it". It was his way of letting us know he was OK with our decision.
Bottom line is be honest and trust them to adjust. Let them cry, yell or keep silent until they internalize the news.
They most definately know that "research" has been going on. They've seen me at the computer on real estate sites, The Forum, of course, and when they question we simply say "we're just looking". We have tried to drop little ideas such as "wouldn't it be great to live in a brand new house with a big backyard, swimming pool, etc. even showed them a few houses we were interested in. Neither one responded well. But now, it is inevitable, and the house will be listed soon so it's time to sit them down. I'm going to have their 2 big brothers be there when we tell them to help with support and to share with them how they love the idea and reasons why. Wish me luck.
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