Where do the single 30's-40's guys hang out? (Raleigh: movies, eat)
Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill, CaryThe Triangle Area
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Okay, real single woman with dating experience stepping in here with a 2 cent observation.
I've done more online dating than I ever imagined I would. It is extremely rare to meet someone in person and have them even realize that a random person they encounter is available and interested, let alone go on to the step of taking the initiative to ask that person out. In all fairness, often men are afraid to be assertive for fear of being offensive, so maybe all that sexual harassment training we got in the workplace is working against us in the long run. And yes, I work, go to church, volunteer, play cards with the neighbors, etc. I'm not a wallflower by any means but I don't drink much so bars aren't really an option.
Anyhoo, I lived in a much smaller community and did online dating off and on for 6 years. I met a few creeps, some total losers, and some very nice average guys. Not once did I meet someone who expected a quickie or one nighter!!! We don't have to be coy on our online profiles anymore...if we want casual sex we just select that from the multiple choice listing! If you don't want it, you can say so and it seems to be pretty well respected.
I met a few guys I thought were 'keepers' but did not think that they were MY 'keeper'. I dated a couple over a period of months, and one guy I went out with I kept as a friend for years. In all that time I met ONE guy in 'real life' and went out with him a couple of times. He was NOT a keeper. Without online dating I would have been pretty bored. I learned a lot about myself, men in general and about social dynamics.
It should be called online Meeting instead of Dating. It just facilitates the introduction. That's all. The rest is up to the individual.
In my old neighborhood I would enter my search criteria (and yes, I am picky about education, smoking, religion and ethics) and get a return of 40 or so hits within 25 miles. Here, I get 400 or so. I may not meet the man of my dreams, but I'll be darned if I'm going to sit home on Saturday night because I'm to stubborn/fearful/worried about what others think to try online dating! I have not been on a date yet in NC (only been here 2 months and just activated my free online dating account about 3 weeks ago) but I am currently corresponding with more nice gentleman than I can keep track of. I literally had to make a spreadsheet to keep them all straight and I'm working towards Meet #1 with my current first choice. I will kiss as many frogs as it takes to find the right guy.
If you are not single, you might think that sounds horrible. If you are single, you are thinking about logging on to match or okcupid or eHarmony right now.
In all fairness, often men are afraid to be assertive for fear of being offensive, so maybe all that sexual harassment training we got in the workplace is working against us in the long run.
As with all power, the trouble starts when it's abused.
Sexual harrassment policies exist for a reason. They exist because there will always be "that guy" at the office who will stop by the cubicle of each of the women and will refuse to leave even when he's told. There definitely need to be policies to prevent "that guy" from harassing people.
The problem is that there are certain women who abuse society's sensibilities with regard to sexual harrassment and that creates a chilling effect among all men. I remember being in college in the late '90s, handing out flyers in front of one of the buildings for some stupid thing. Some random girl walked by like three times and each time I tried to hand her a flyer (I don't know why she kept walking by). Anyway, I wasn't really paying attention to who I had tried to give a flyer to. I was pretty much hitting everyone as they came by. So when this girl came by for the third time and I once again tried to get her to take a flyer, she erupted by saying, "Stop it! You're harrassing me!" And then she sort of smirked in an "I'm gonna tell on you" manner. Very immature. But it really hit me then just how much power the ladies have in this area.
So yeah, "that guy" who hits on all the girls at work after repeatedly being told not to ruins it for the rest of us guys, and the girl who decides to complain about harassment that didn't really happen just because she's having a bad day ruins things for all of you ladies.
I apologize if my use of the term "quality" threw a few people off. I don't agree that the term is meaningless, but I agree it is subjective. I could have asked - where do the kind, intelligent, attractive, funny single men hang out? - but all of those adjectives are also subjective.
As for those posters who questioned my pickiness and suggested I must have already gone through the entire male single population and am still unhappy - you couldn't be further from the truth. I only moved to Raleigh in April and am just beginning to date again. I was/am not expecting anyone to personally, hand-pick the perfect man for me based on my (suspected/accused) very long list of qualifications.
Truly, my question was only asking for suggestions as someone new to the Raleigh single scene. Thank you to everyone who has posted suggestions. I think e-harmony (or other dating sites) is a very good idea.
Fly, you sound intelligent and level headed and personable...I'd date you if you were my type.
Online dating is actually easiest when you are new in town because you can use that as your springboard...okay, as your excuse...um, lets say it is an easy conversational gambit everyone can work with.
"I'm new in town and looking to meet new people and check out all the fun places to go" is much more easy to accept than "I'm desperate to meet a decent guy".
Most guys I've been corresponding with seem to find it easy to say things like "I see you like pizza, have you been to __________ yet?"
I think that "quality" men are not hanging in bars, etc....they are out doing stuff with their friends, family, co-workers. By that, I mean, they are doing whatever makes them happy, volunteering, hiking, biking, going to church, going to hear live music (seems where all the single 30/40 crowd I know does ALL THE TIME), going to beer tastings, joining dining clubs, reading.....u get the picture. This is also what all the quality (or a better word may be "interesting") 30/40 single women I know are. I don't know any that hang in bars. They are kayaking, traveling with friends, going to dinner with friends, running downtown volunteer organizations, working on Sparkcon, going to tweetups in their field, etc etc etc. Some did the online dating thing, or still do it, but complain that they do not meet people that they have much in common with, so find it a waste of time compared to doing what they love. They figure the will meet someone that shares their passion (or a friend of someone they meet that way) eventually.
So, I guess I am seconding others recommendations to: stop focusing on meeting singles and just get out there and do what you want to do. You WILL meet a crowd and that crowd knows a crowd..etc etc.
Well this sucks. I came here to find out where all of the 30-40+ single women are? Bars and Clubs around here seem more like high schools. Where are they hiding Macys? I just wish there was a place catered the 30-40 crowd. Some place to have a drink, meet new and have a good time. If anyone know a place like this please email me at [email]antcap95@yahoo.com[/email]
Well this sucks. I came here to find out where all of the 30-40+ single women are? Bars and Clubs around here seem more like high schools. Where are they hiding Macys? I just wish there was a place catered the 30-40 crowd. Some place to have a drink, meet new and have a good time. If anyone know a place like this please email me at antcap95@yahoo.com
Thanks for sharing your e-mail...?? and reviving a year old thread
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