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Old 07-20-2011, 02:08 PM
 
481 posts, read 1,082,710 times
Reputation: 391

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I'm lucky that I have my hubby but if I had not met him and was still single I would be using places like Harmony as well. When you think about it , at least you can narrow the search, met up with a guy who shares the same interests etc. It's a shot in the dark going to any public place, bar etc and talking with a guy. I would like that you don't have to sort through all the " so what do you like to do ? But I would also put myself out there with volunteering at places that you love to help with. I love dogs so going to dog events, dog parks etc. Find a fellow animal lover if that is what you want.
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Old 07-20-2011, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
1,357 posts, read 4,014,507 times
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I'm young (mid 20's) but found online dating way less painful than the alternative. As others have said, you can screen the guy ahead of time for major deal breakers, as he can with you. Yeah, I had a lot of dud first dates, but I'm now engaged so it ended up working out pretty well! I still get embarassed to say we met online when people ask, but I find that I'm much weirder about it than anyone else has been. The stigma is quickly fading. I know a lady in her mid 40's who swears by Eharmony for the slightly older crowd. I used okcupid (couldn't bring myself to pay for a site quite yet) as did my sister who met her fiancee there as well (they are getting married in August).
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Old 07-21-2011, 05:48 AM
 
99 posts, read 306,325 times
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Well I can't even meet women to be friends with at meetups, much less men to date, but online dating to meet men worked out well. I met my guy on okcupid and we've been together a year.
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Old 07-21-2011, 07:55 AM
 
Location: My House
34,935 posts, read 36,071,187 times
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Oh. Girl. Good luck.

At work? Do you work for a large company?

Through married friends? In your 30s/40s, it doesn't help to segregate one's self from people who are married. They may well have male friends who are single.
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Old 07-21-2011, 08:27 AM
 
25 posts, read 50,921 times
Reputation: 22
These online dating services are only about one night stands
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Old 07-21-2011, 08:27 AM
 
286 posts, read 683,488 times
Reputation: 373
I moved here after going through a divorce. I started off with online dating. It was fun and easy. I met my bf of 2.5 years in person though. I joined a gym and started taking jiu jitsu classes as a way to relieve stress, learn some self defense, and get fit. I was the only girl in there and I got to know the guys in a different way than you can in bars or single scenes where they are trying really hard to impress the women in the room. I made a lot of friends there and met my bf.


~Amy
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Old 07-21-2011, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest - New Light
1,263 posts, read 4,932,630 times
Reputation: 1001
LOL, It's equally difficult for us as well...most guys want one-night stands or casual relationships, not for me...I'm a great guy, single, gay, family-oriented, home, career, fun, etc...however finding "the one" is very difficult...I feel your pain ladies...haha



Quote:
Originally Posted by Francois View Post
The Borough on Morgan St.

Oh, wait, you probably meant STRAIGHT single males 30s-40s.
I got nuttin'.
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Old 07-21-2011, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
15 posts, read 41,829 times
Reputation: 45
Thought I'd respond because I'd at least like to think of myself as being in the demographic discussed (i'm definitely single and in my early 40s; whether I am "quality" is in the eye of the beholder i suppose, but i have a graduate degree, the feint outlines of a six-pack, good credit, and volunteer at a non-profit a few times a month so maybe I'm at least in the ballpark

So here's where I am on a regular basis:
- work (but that doesn't help because i run my own small business)
- the grocery store (but i've never been able to flirt there despite reports that its good spot to meet people)
- the gym (i have gone out with girls/women i've met there - pretty good spot)
- online dating sites (best place to meet people you share interests with that you would never meet otherwise; made good friends but nothing serious yet)
- live music around the triangle (indoor & outdoor - not really conducive to meeting people though)
- first friday art walks / ncma events
- home depot/lowes (which leads to the other place I spend a lot of time - my house and yard)
- nc state football & basketball games

I do lots of other activities, but they are often intermittent or not social in nature. I don't go to bars anymore other than to see live music (i'm a fan of bluegrass/alt-country/americana).

imho (and I'm open to other suggestions), the best strategy is three-fold:
(1) follow your passions and interests. this is key for two reasons. the first is obvious, you'll meet people with similar interests that may lead to who knows what. second is that you'll continue to grow as a person, develop individually, and that will make you more attractive in the long run.
(2) make yourself be social, be nice and open to meeting new people wherever you are in any circumstance. i find it's easy to get caught up doing my own things now - i have to prioritize getting out and meeting people. it's not always what i want to do at the end of the day when i have so many other goals and demands on my time.
(3) use online dating, but keep your expectations low/realistic. my approach it to treat it as a great way to make new friends, and if something more grows out of that then it's icing on the cake. time demands on 30/40 year olds make this an important component of maintaining a social life.

I'm not a fan of organized religion personally, but i do think church organizations, committees, groups would be a great way to meet people and get connected with a community if that's your cup of tea.

hope this helps & good luck out there.
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Old 07-21-2011, 09:33 AM
 
487 posts, read 888,769 times
Reputation: 438
Unfortunately, as has been mentioned, you're playing a harder game now: since men tend to date younger women (and a lot of women in their 20s will date an older man if he has style and money), the pool of 'quality' single men in their 30s and 40s who are willing to date women in their 30s and 40s has got to be vanishingly small. That's one reason why that Lori Gottlieb article a year or two ago was so controversial -- there was at least a grain of truth to it.

I have heard that the male/female ratio is more favourable on the west coast than the east coast, though.

chwboy
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Old 07-21-2011, 02:42 PM
 
349 posts, read 984,491 times
Reputation: 331
Is the problem that you can't find any 30's-40's guys at all, or that you are finding them, just not the ones you want? (i.e. not tall enough, mature enough, etc.)

Those are two different problems.
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