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Just in case you're not pretending to be dense, I meant that it's not so hard to figure out what is meant by 'quality', not that it's not so hard to meet quality men.
You can be as patronizing as you want, my young friend, but the important point here is that the term "quality" as applied to a human being is ambiguous, if not completely meaningless.
Another way to look at this is to observe that the attributes of a quality guy vary according to the social class and emotional maturity of the woman making the judgement. For example, one woman might like the quintessential Chapel Hill man, whereas another might view him as being a good example of big-baby arrested development ("hey, man, chill; let's go up to Franklin and lay on some brewski"). One woman might view a handsome grocery store bagger with a fast car, big muscles, and a lot of credit cards as a quality guy, while another might turn up her nose at anyone who is not an accomplished doctor or lawyer with the potential for wealth and social prominence (believe me, I've known examples of both kinds of women).
Bottom line -- the concept of quality apropos to people is neither well defined nor universally agreed; consequently, it's not clear at all what the term means.
You can be as patronizing as you want, my young friend, but the important point here is that the term "quality" as applied to a human being is ambiguous, if not completely meaningless.
Another way to look at this is to observe that the attributes of a quality guy vary according to the social class and emotional maturity of the woman making the judgement. For example, one woman might like the quintessential Chapel Hill man, whereas another might view him as being a good example of big-baby arrested development ("hey, man, chill; let's go up to Franklin and lay on some brewski"). One woman might view a handsome grocery store bagger with a fast car, big muscles, and a lot of credit cards as a quality guy, while another might turn up her nose at anyone who is not an accomplished doctor or lawyer with the potential for wealth and social prominence (believe me, I've known examples of both kinds of women).
Bottom line -- the concept of quality apropos to people is neither well defined nor universally agreed; consequently, it's not clear at all what the term means.
Well, it is clear that there is wide variation in what a 'quality' man means, you're right about that.
But going from 'different women want different things in men' to 'quality man is meaningless' is quite the leap: though women want different things, it's quite clear that there are a lot of things that most women would not count as quality, like the things we listed above. So we can pretty much narrow down the question to: where do the presentable, solvent, sensible single men in their 30s-40s hang out?
If the OP has high standards and is only looking for a trauma surgeon, well then she can let us know.
Okay, let's poll the people in this thread to define "quality." How many different definitions do you think there would be?
Lots of them, of course. But probably most of them would share quite a lot.
Just like, probably everyone on this thread has a different definition of what makes a 'good' beer. But if someone said 'where can I find good beer in the triangle', even without knowing if they like IPAs or stouts, we would be able to point them to a few places.
Really, I'm puzzled about why this has become the focus of the thread .....
So, rather than trying to pinpoint what "quality" actually means, how about answering the OP's question about where to find eligible bachelors?
Thanks.
She wants quality, eligible bachelors. My point was that we can't help her until we know what her definition of quality is.
For some women, the most important definition of "quality" would be empathy, so she should volunteer at Habitat for Humanity. She would surely find many men in an organization that builds homes for needy people.
For other women, the most important definition of "quality" would be a man who is an extrovert, so she should go to Durham Bulls baseball games or Hurricanes hockey games. That being said, people who go to hockey games are usually more educated than people who watch other sports live (that information can be found, I think, on the Hurricanes website).
Depending on what she wants out of a man and a relationship will determine where she should look for bachelors.
Lots of them, of course. But probably most of them would share quite a lot.
Just like, probably everyone on this thread has a different definition of what makes a 'good' beer. But if someone said 'where can I find good beer in the triangle', even without knowing if they like IPAs or stouts, we would be able to point them to a few places.
But even that is still relative. What you find is a good beer, may not necessarily work for the seeker. And that is my point. What you or I see as "quality" may not be what the OP sees as quality.
I could ask people from my hometown where I could find a good beer, and they will tell me any place that sells Bud. I could ask my wife where to find a good beer, and she will tell me anywhere that sells Sweet Josie or any other microbrew. It's not until I give a concise description of what I am looking for that someone could properly assist me.
But even that is still relative. What you find is a good beer, may not necessarily work for the seeker. And that is my point. What you or I see as "quality" may not be what the OP sees as quality.
I could ask people from my hometown where I could find a good beer, and they will tell me any place that sells Bud. I could ask my wife where to find a good beer, and she will tell me anywhere that sells Sweet Josie or any other microbrew. It's not until I give a concise description of what I am looking for that someone could properly assist me.
I just think you're pretending to know less than you really do. Do you really think that 'quality' is so meaningless, that telling the OP where the divorced fat bald men who have remarried but separated, have no job and $70k in debt hang out would do as an answer to her question? After all, that might be what she means by quality, right?
No of course not. Whatever she happens to mean in detail (and I agree that varies a lot), answering with the places where solvent, single, in-shape men hang out would be a big step in the right direction. Maybe we could also ask her for more info, so we can tell her whether to go to the gym or the medical school to meet these men. But we're not at that stage yet.
I just think you're pretending to know less than you really do. Do you really think that 'quality' is so meaningless, that telling the OP where the divorced fat bald men who have remarried but separated, have no job and $70k in debt hang out would do as an answer to her question? After all, that might be what she means by quality, right?
No of course not. Whatever she happens to mean in detail (and I agree that varies a lot), answering with the places where solvent, single, in-shape men hang out would be a big step in the right direction. Maybe we could also ask her for more info, so we can tell her whether to go to the gym or the medical school to meet these men. But we're not at that stage yet.
Sorry, but we are at that stage. She should say what she wants in a man. That will determine where we suggest she find said men.
The term "quality" is subjective: What it means to one person is different than what it means to another person.
Solvent, single, and in-shape men? Great, you just defined every gay man I know.
The OP needs to find the answer to this question: if I do find the place where all solvent, single, in-shape men reside in their spare time, why would they want to pick me over all the other solvent, single, in-shape women that are looking for the same thing I am looking for.
I don't live in Raleigh so I don't have an exact answer, however I am a SWF 39, no kids and women everywhere in every city are asking this question.So I feel your pain. My only suggestion would be to try Eharmony or venture out of your city limits. I have known a few friends in Chicago to have had much success with EHarmony (married now) not sure if the internet dating scene is popular there, but it seems to be in bigger cities and thats it's the way to go. I actually checked out Match in the Raleigh area and personally I was not impressed myself..i only found 130 or so matches in a 40mile radius, even after I tweeked my specifications. Majority of them looked kinda of creepy (yes you know exactly the kind of guys I'm talking about) or their pictures were from 15yrs ago. To me that's just plain odd. In chicago in a 10mile radius I had like 1200 matches.(not to say those guys are looking for a relationship, prob more like a 3hr one) I find Match and POF to be full of folks just looking for a hookup or a short term relationship (3mo)
My friend who lives in Raleigh just got married for the first time at age 44. She met him through a running club. I hear DC has alot of single guys now, it seems like over the past 5yrs or so more women have flocked to other cities, leaving more pickin's for the women. DC is not a far drive from Raleigh. I think men and women want Mr. Right or Ms. Righ to live within a 5 mile radius and don't venture out of the city limits. (this is how it is in NYC, Chicago and LA) esp because the traffic is terrible. (yes, I am guilty of this too)
DC?! I'm all for venturing out, but 250 miles is pushing it...
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) I find Match and POF to be full of folks just looking for a hookup or a short term relationship (3mo) 
