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Old 08-07-2011, 09:41 PM
 
25 posts, read 50,931 times
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I was living in Florida for 23 years and recently moved to NC. The reason for the move was because in Florida I could not find a job. I landed a good paying job in Raleigh at Six Forks. My sister here in NC has offered me to stay in her home until I adjust and get my own apartment. I'm still a single guy. My problem is that I am having a very difficult time acclimating myself here. I left my elderly parent behind, a slew of very close friends and family in Florida. My only real motive to leave Florida was for employment reasons. I am seeing myself falling into deep depression and intensive nostalgia. I should be happy that I found a really good job, but it's a bummer that I have to feel this way; thinking I could never get over it. My personal taste is Florida. My heart is there.

Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


Thank you!

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Old 08-07-2011, 09:46 PM
 
821 posts, read 1,454,049 times
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You might want to check meetup.com - lots of different interest groups there. Good luck, hope things work out and improve
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Old 08-07-2011, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Franklin, TN
131 posts, read 209,529 times
Reputation: 80
I would suggest moving in with your sister so you're not left alone, but from what you wrote it sounds as though you really need to return to Florida. I've moved all over the country, and I have to admit that I've known how you feel. You should be where your heart is; what good is more money if you're not happy? Wishing you good luck.
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Old 08-07-2011, 11:06 PM
 
Location: NC
645 posts, read 985,665 times
Reputation: 1552
Buck up, man!! You got your health, you're gainfully employed, you have a sister in town, you have a place to stay, you're young and starting a new adventure in a new place, you have your whole life ahead of you. Go out and take a look around. You've got a lot going for you - many people these days can't say the same. You have a lot to be thankful for. Count your blessings, friend!!!

Oh - and welcome to Raleigh! Jump in - the water's fine!! (well, as long as we get some rain, that is...)
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:57 AM
 
6,297 posts, read 16,047,358 times
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It is totally understandable that you would feel how you are feeling at this point. Very normal.

These are my suggestions:

1. Get fish oil capsules and take one a day. According to research (and the Mayo Clinic), fish oil can be as effective as anti-depressant prescription drugs. (I take fish oil because it makes my joints feel much better, but I did notice that overall, I feel better.) It will probably take a few months for you to notice a difference, so don't give up on it. You'll probably feel much worse if you stop.

2. Plan to go back and visit at least once a year, ideally twice a year. Go during your favorite time of the year in Florida, and go for as long as you possibly can.

3. Keep in touch with your old friends and family any way you can -- phone, Skype, email, Facebook, whatever. Some of your friends may be able to maintain a long-distance friendship, and some can't. (But when you visit, when you're with them, it might feel as if you never left. So don't take lack of interaction with far-off friends as rejection; some people are just better "in person" friends.)

4. Absolutely look over what's going on in Meetup. Try several groups. It might take a while to find one where you click. Again, don't give up. There are many people in the same situation that you are.

5. Check out the Independent magazine (newspaper). You'll find copies on news racks around town. Here is the website: Independent Weekly Use it as one resource to find things to do. Plan your weekends and get up and out.

6. Become a tourist. On weekends, drive around and check out all the little towns. Take your sister out to lunch. Become an expert at what's what in the Triangle and outlying areas. Study maps and learn where everything is.

7. If you feel the need to talk to someone, contact either Triangle Family Services or Wake County below. Some are for low-income people, but I would think they'd be able to direct you to appropriate help for your situation. (Or ask your own doctor if you have one.)

Triangle Family Services, 401 Hillsborough Street, Raleigh; 919-821-0790 - Last year, Triangle Family Services helped more than 900 low-income families, children, and individuals receive mental health counseling, psychiatric services and psychological testing by licensed and professional clinicians

Wake County:

Northern Wake Health Clinic, 247 S. Allen Road, Wake Forest; 919-554-8490.
Southern Regional Center, 130 N. Judd Parkway NE, Fuquay-Varina; 919-557-1058.
Western Wake Human Services Center (mental health services only), 232 High House Road, Cary; 212-460-3366.
Northern Wake Health Clinic, 247 S. Allen Road, Wake Forest; 919-554-8490.
Southern Regional Center, 130 N. Judd Parkway NE, Fuquay-Varina; 919-557-1058.
Western Wake Human Services Center (mental health services only), 232 High House Road, Cary; 212-460-3366.
Wake County Public Health Clinics - health care for children and family, including immunizations:
Eastern Regional Center, 1002 Dogwood Drive, Zebulon; 919-404-3900.

8. Know that acclimating to a place is a process, and for most people, it takes quite some time before they feel comfortable and start referring to their new city as "home." (I moved here [18 years ago] for economic reasons only; I was perfectly happy with my "old" life. I still miss it. It took me years to adjust to living here.)

9. Good luck!
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
1,357 posts, read 4,015,042 times
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You've only been here a month. Are you making an honest effort to like it here? By that I mean are you checking out all the different things to do, different areas of town, etc? If you are just mostly sitting at home thinking of Florida, of course you won't like it here. Make sure you search some threads of things to do in Raleigh/the Triangle and get out and do some of them. That's how you'll figure out if you will begin to call this home. I'd say at least give it 6 months if not a year, and if you still hate it at that time and can afford to go back to Florida jobless then do that.
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:22 AM
 
699 posts, read 1,701,681 times
Reputation: 794
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidSM View Post
I landed a good paying job in Raleigh.
Waahoo!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidSM View Post
My sister here in NC has offered me to stay in her home until I adjust and get my own apartment.
Let's hear it for families. Take her up on it. While you are there, help out with expenses, chores, etc. It will keep you occupied and give her a lift.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidSM View Post
My problem is that I am having a very difficult time acclimating myself here. I left my elderly parent behind, a slew of very close friends and family in Florida.... I am seeing myself falling into deep depression and intensive nostalgia.
Oh dear.

It is perfectly normal to miss that which we hold dear and have left behind. And I don't care how many meetups you go to, these newly acquired acquaintances are not the same as family and long time friends.

Good news:

For less than $200 (Southwest Airlines) you can fly home and visit from time to time.

It is much easier to obtain employment if you already have a job. Many employers refuse to even consider candidates who are currently unemployed. So focus on your new job for the time being. Give it your best.

Then in two years or so, start looking back in Florida again.

A friend of mine insists that even if you are happy with your current job, every two years you should update that resume and send it out to see what else is out there. He once switched jobs only to have his original company buy out his new employer. He ended up with his old job, his old company and a salary almost half again his old salary. It's a crazy world.

Job hoppers usually don't fare well, but a couple years at the same company will reestablish your recent work record.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidSM View Post
I should be happy that I found a really good job.
I bet you are happy that you found a really good job. It's just that jobs aren't the whole happiness picture.

Ask your sister how she manages to focus on what's good in her life instead of what's missing.

Ask about employee counseling. Many companies offer three or so sessions at no charge.

Write down your thoughts, your feelings, your reactions every night before going to bed. James Pennebaker has been some excellent research on expressive writing—writing about personal experience with emotional content—and how it can lead to improvements in psychological and physical health.

One study had randomly assigned laid off workers write down their thoughts, their feelings, their reactions about their job loss. The workers who wrote daily got on with their lives and reported feeling better about things at a significantly higher rate than the non-writers.

Keeping a good thought.
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,728 posts, read 22,728,601 times
Reputation: 12318
Not only are you VERY new to town, you've also come in the most brutal summer in recent recollection. Even those of us who grew up here feel lethargic and don't want to do anything in this heat. And, thus there are fewer people "out and about" that you might run into and strike up friendships with.

Definitely, find something you're interested in and do it (if it's an outdoor sport, you'll just need to wait until fall). Whatever your hobbies were before, try to find similar activities here. Volunteer for a cause you support--you'll feel good about yourself, and meet others with at least one interest in common with you, who can introduce you to the area, clubs, restaurants, etc. Maybe take an adult ed class at Wake or Durham Tech?

Any new place requires some adjustment. It may well be that this place is not a fit for you, but you can't really judge that based on one month, especially not a baking summer month as we've had here.
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
621 posts, read 2,212,204 times
Reputation: 301
Yep, it's still too soon to know if you will like it here or not.. Took us at least 2 years to actually start enjoying the area more than "back home" (coincidentally in FL as well). My situation is different though, as I moved here with my gf at the time (now my wife) so I can't really say it's the best area for singles. We personally skipped meetup.com and went with adult sports leagues to meet more people (e.g. premier coed sports, TRI sports, etc). You don't have to be an athlete to join as most of the leagues are coed and more of a social thing anyway. For comparison purposes, my brother-in-law has been up here for over a year and hasn't really made any friends either.. he just hangs out with us WAY too much

I will add that I began to like the area A LOT more when we moved to downtown Raleigh (not there anymore though).
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Louisville, KY
1,590 posts, read 4,603,503 times
Reputation: 1380
I felt very much the same way quite a while after moving from Pennsylvania to Arizona. I found a few things help me. I need to do them to this day.

Work out. I'm not in good shape at all, but working out helps me immensely.

Finding local treasures. For a long time I got in a rut of only visiting the chain stores and restaurants. This made me think "I can do this anywhere, why not go back?". It wasn't until I made a conscious effort to find locally owned and operated establishments that I really began to enjoy this place.

Find some people to hang out with. What's your hobby? For me it's cars, off road vehicles, guns and for a while aquariums. I've met some good people through local forums dedicated to each respective hobby.

Visit home now and then. Can you afford to drive or fly home for a weekend? The more I visit my home town the more I realize moving away was the best thing I could have done. I still love the place and my family, but I wouldn't want to live there again.
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