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Where do you live? We are in Cary and go to Mac's tavern a lot, especially in the spring/summer when they have outdoor music on the patio. It tends to be an older crowd.
Why not just go out with your guy friends as a group? You really NEVER did that in the 10 years you were married? You honestly never had any fun or identity of your own in 10 years? Find a club or activity that you like. The sports idea was a great one, but you can also take classes that interest you, do a tour of great restaurants, get active at the bajillion parks around here, take dancing classes, wander around dabbling in photography, etc. What hobbies are you interested in? When you focus on fun and friendships, rather than cougar hunting and bar hopping, IMO you'll have a more real, enriching experience.
This is entirely my own opinion, and clearly not advice you are asking for, but I'd wait until you were divorced rather than separated to start pursuing or even thinking about another female. If you have a girlfriend or even date someone a few times, you all but take reconciliation off the table and you'll just look really bad during the divorce process. If you do get divorced, it's best to keep it about the failed marriage and not bring anyone else extra into the mess. (And yes, I realize divorce takes a year of separation in NC. You won't shrivel up and die without sex for a year. I promise.)
So focus on finding fun things to do that YOU enjoy. Plenty of time in life to find the next Mrs. Rightnow.
So focus on finding fun things to do that YOU enjoy. Plenty of time in life to find the next Mrs. Rightnow.
Agree. There's meetup group in Raleigh with a name like "doing something you always wanted to do" or some such thing. A friend who recently went on an adventure with the group says they are all ages and go ziplining and fishing and who knows what all.
I too would encourage you to wait until you are divorced to start dating. It may be that your marriage is going through a transition not coming to an end.
Many, many men discover that family is where it is at around age forty. I think Gail Sheehy pointed this out in Passages and described how fathers suddenly want to take reluctant teenage kids camping and and how recently separated men in their forties wind up in unfortunate second marriages because of their biological drive for family. Also, many have gotten used to having a homemaker in their lives and miss that.
Anyway, might be good to take some time to figure out what you are all about now, take some time to see what parts of your relationship can be salvaged.
And one last thought, a friend of mine who was a psychiatrist no less, has been married five times at last count. She said that her HQ (Happiness Quotient) was about the same with each husband. Some things were better. Others were worse. She said looking back, she wish she had stuck with her first husband. She would have saved a fortune on monogrammed towels.
Wish you the best on this next leg of your journey.
You can actually find a lot of good generic (non-location-specific) info on your "situation" in the Relationships Forum of CityData.
But to answer your question, I'm semi in the same situation. I've chosen to just go out and do what I like to do, and have fun. Not really on the prowl, I figure that when I'm ready, that by doing the things I like to do, I'll get introduced to the right people for friendships, or whatever. Meetups have not been convenient for me.
Places I enjoy:
Corner Bar in Cary is good for meeting all kinds of people.
I love Harrisons, but usually go with friends.
Concerts, parks, hikes, bike rides, etc.
Art Museum. Greenway behind it.
etc. etc. etc.
If you're looking for hook-up bars, I've always heard that Tony's Oyster Bar in Cary is full of 30-40 somethings that are there to meet guys. I've never been, but I've heard that consistently from people who think that's what I need. LOL. :-)
Another vote here for meetup. Seems like there are groups for any interest/situation. Give it time, you may have to try a few before you find a good fit.
Classes are a good idea too. There are so many things in the area. UNC just sent me a flyer on summer adult workshops, city of Durham has similar classes available year round, dance classes (some say no partner required), workshops at the cookery, yoga classes, gardening forums, etc. Grab a newspaper &/or get on line & start signing up for e-mail newsletters so you can see when/where they are. May take a bit of research but I bet you can find a few that match your particular interests.
One thing I haven't seen mentioned is if you aren't in one, maybe finding a religious home? I know some churches in the area actually have support groups or adult groups. Not trying to push the religion thing, but if you are it would be another resource.
You can actually find a lot of good generic (non-location-specific) info on your "situation" in the Relationships Forum of CityData.
But to answer your question, I'm semi in the same situation. I've chosen to just go out and do what I like to do, and have fun. Not really on the prowl, I figure that when I'm ready, that by doing the things I like to do, I'll get introduced to the right people for friendships, or whatever. Meetups have not been convenient for me.
Places I enjoy:
Corner Bar in Cary is good for meeting all kinds of people.
I love Harrisons, but usually go with friends.
Concerts, parks, hikes, bike rides, etc.
Art Museum. Greenway behind it.
etc. etc. etc.
If you're looking for hook-up bars, I've always heard that Tony's Oyster Bar in Cary is full of 30-40 somethings that are there to meet guys. I've never been, but I've heard that consistently from people who think that's what I need. LOL. :-)
If you have any questions, feel free to DM me.
I was there with a single girlfriend a couple of weeks ago for dinner and I'd say this is definitely a place to go for older singles to meet people! (older as in 30+)
They have a band that started around 10 and they clear the floor for dancing, which there was lots of. The bar was packed with both men and women, buying drinks for each other and mingling left and right. I felt a little awkward there being married after the dinner crowd cleared out and my single girlfriend met several nice guys.
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Met lots of people that way, but not anyone to date...and Ruckus right down the road.
