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I dont know who woody is either but it was his decision and his alone to make.
I am not about to sit here and judge someone for any reaction to a situation like that. yes it is sad that dementia takes memories away but I personally would rather remember someone fondly than to be heartbroken over them not knowing who I am, so I support the decision he made.
I took care of my grandmother with Alzheimer's and I currently take care of another elderly patient who is cognitively impaired. I think we just don't know enough about the situation. I would like to think someone like Dean Smith had enough family and close friends who were willing to be involved in his care. Perhaps Woody Durham offered help in other ways. Most caregivers experience burn out and could use assistance in other parts of their life.
Not directed at the OP but some of the other commenters...
BTW even in the late stages you really shouldn't just expect to admit a patient at a SNF and think everything will be ok and they will get the care they need. I did my CNA class at what is supposed to be the nicest SNF is Durham but even there the care was certainly lacking. Family still needs to be involved and make frequent surprise visits to these facilities.
I went to see him(Dean Smith) and he didn't know who I was. I told my wife I didn't want to see him again so I could remember him the way he was.
Could it be that a person who is/was a professional performer might, just might, have used a little dramatic flair in retelling an "event" (who knows if it ever really happened as described) as a way to describe how he wanted (and wanted others) to remember Dean Smith?
Not directed at the OP but some of the other commenters...
BTW even in the late stages you really shouldn't just expect to admit a patient at a SNF and think everything will be ok and they will get the care they need. I did my CNA class at what is supposed to be the nicest SNF is Durham but even there the care was certainly lacking. Family still needs to be involved and make frequent surprise visits to these facilities.
Since I'm the one who mentioned that my father will be in a SNF, I'll reply to this. I'm not at all concerned with the care he will be receiving. My parents have lived at this top-notch retirement facility for more than 10 years in independent living, and when the time comes will move into assisted care, then SNF if needed. This facility (which caters to a very specialized community, without sharing too much detail) was modeled after the facility that cared for my grandparents. The level of care comes at a premium, but is quite worth it. I assure you this isn't a "dump and run" sort of situation. We're very aware of the standard of care at the facility, have been very involved from the start. Just by virtue of being supported and funded by this specialized community, I have no concerns that the standard of care will decline.
The illness that took my fathers life resulted in recurring encephalopathies over his last four years. While they occurred, his entire personality changed, he was difficult to be around and almost impossible to take out in public. And after every such episode (which lasted from 1-7 days), he was a little less himself.
My parents had so many close friends during their marriage, but over his last two years, only a very few held fast and continued coming around and participating in their lives. In the twenty years since he's been gone, I'm still awed by what their commitment, companionship and friendship meant to my parents, my mother in particular, who felt increasingly isolated. I've long forgiven those who dropped out of their lives but will never forget what I always perceived as their lack of character. When your friends and family need you the most, it's not about you, it's about them.
I don't really know anything about Woody Durham and so won't judge him for what must have been a very difficult, personal decision. But I can't help but wonder how Dean Smith's wife must feel about the sudden absence of a longtime friend.
I don't really know anything about Woody Durham and so won't judge him for what must have been a very difficult, personal decision. But I can't help but wonder how Dean Smith's wife must feel about the sudden absence of a longtime friend.
It's quite possible that she was relieved. For my grandmother, having well-intentioned visitors actually made things more difficult for her. She appreciated that they were trying to be supportive, but she reached a point where she preferred that people not come around. But she was too polite to come out and say it.
Exactly, apexgds. We don't know the ins and outs of their private situation. It's quite possible that Dean's wife and Woody weren't good friends and she had more support from other folks that she would rather have around. I certainly don't know the depth of friendship that Woody and Dean had over the years. They knew each other for decades and golfed together, but not sure that makes them best buddies. They may have had more of a working relationship. For a public figure, Dean was well-known as a very private man and I can definitely see where it could be possible that his wishes would be for people not to come see him in the later stages. I won't pass judgment from my limited view into this sad situation.
I know my mom had some specific wishes at the end of her life including not having an open casket and viewing which she saw as gauche and putting the deceased on parade. So we didn't, but other folks do it that way and other ways and that's okay, too.
I took care of my grandmother with Alzheimer's and I currently take care of another elderly patient who is cognitively impaired. I think we just don't know enough about the situation. I would like to think someone like Dean Smith had enough family and close friends who were willing to be involved in his care. Perhaps Woody Durham offered help in other ways. Most caregivers experience burn out and could use assistance in other parts of their life.
Not directed at the OP but some of the other commenters...
BTW even in the late stages you really shouldn't just expect to admit a patient at a SNF and think everything will be ok and they will get the care they need. I did my CNA class at what is supposed to be the nicest SNF is Durham but even there the care was certainly lacking. Family still needs to be involved and make frequent surprise visits to these facilities.
My grandma was never in a facility. She went from hospital to home, where I understand there was a constant stream of visitors. And my grandpa and aunt both lived with her. In fact, the constant stream of visitors thing bothered me because she was bedridden and didn't know who all those people were. My mom spent a good deal of time there. Said they were mostly looky-loos.
Another reason I couldn't visit. I don't think my grandma would have wanted all those people to see her like that.
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Kelly, I think you may be reading too much into Woody's comment. Just because he said "I don't want to see him like that anymore" (paraphrased) doesn't mean that he wouldn't have continued to visit Dean if he were still alive. I'm quite sure Woody would still visit even though it was painful for him.
I think because Woody was "The Voice of the Tar Heels" we may think he and Dean were best friends, but I'm not sure it was really like that at all. I think Bill Guthridge was much closer to Dean.
Bill Guthridge's statement:
"Dean was a great friend and a great coach. I will miss him dearly. He was devoted to me and I to him and I will forever be grateful for our friendship."
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