Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Wow, Westfield has gotten a LOT worse since I lived there. It was always snooty but I grew up there in the 60s, which was well before Wall St. millionaires and helicopter parenting. For the most part (the List family tragedy notwithstanding), the "rich" people there were older money, and the snootiness of old money is very different from the ostentatious snootiness of new money. I lived out on the far end of Westfield off Springfield Avenue -- Cranford started at the end of our backyard -- and I felt like the Little Match Girl most of the time -- a bad thing for a kid with low self-esteem to begin with.
Why don't you suggest that your parents take a trip down here? Let them scope the place out. I know the "Jersey chauvinism" -- that anything more than 15 miles out of Manhattan might as well be some podunk place with cars up on blocks and a red coke machine at an old gas station with one pump. I used to tell my husband that there was more of the kinds of music we liked and more old hippies here than in NJ, and he would say "I find that hard to believe." And he never wanted to come visit and find out -- just like your parents. Alas, he died in 2013 and I moved here 2 years later. And yes, I was right.
My mom is actually very receptive to heading down, but not my dad. Yes, I do highly suggest that they take a trip down. We're gonna be visiting Wilmington as a family close to when I head back to school. I suggested to my mom that we also find a way to explore some of the other cities in NC, and she agreed. Given that he hasn't been out of the tri-state for a very long time, I don't think his assessment of every state not named NJ is at all fair or reasonable.
Condolences to you on your late husband. He knows that you're happy now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorasMom
OP, I know what you mean about Westfield. I grew up a bit further north but worked in that area for many years. Growing up in NJ, I knew some jerks and some terrific people. I choose to keep in touch with the terrific ones.
Pick Durham!
Don't expect an absence of racism. Do expect a different kind of racism. Several people have told me they prefer the southern kind to the northern kind. My immediate development here in Durham is quite racist, unfortunately. It's "send out email on the listserve about a black man walking in the neighborhood" kind of racist. Awful.
That also said...Durham's pretty progressive and diverse, small businesses do well here - seems like a great choice for your family.
I know some terrific people as well, and are keeping those people in my life for as long as I possibly can. Though it is somewhat sad to say that the last remaining friends I have here will be graduating next year. That's why I say 2017 would be great to move from my POV - no point staying where we are when literally all my friends are gone.
I would be naive and foolish to expect an absence of racism. But, I must ask, what's the difference between the "southern racism" and the "northern racism"?
Durham has now shot up to my top choice, and will definitely be one of the options that I would push the most. Surely both parents would be pleased with the diversity and small business-friendly atmosphere. Thank you so much!
Northern tries to hide it. Some friends have told me in the south you know what you're dealing with. I don't know if that's still accurate though as in these times it seems it's not being hidden anywhere?
Anyway there are a LOT of meetup groups here, and I'm betting you can also find an entrepreneur one - sounds like a great choice !
Bump. Any info on Raleigh with regards to business opps, COL, quality of life, racial integration? And which would be better for my family - Raleigh or Durham?
There are probably threads that discuss Raleigh versus Durham ad nauseam so you could probably search the forum.
I would recommend renting an AirBnb for you and your family for a few days in both cities. My guess would be the differences are immaterial for the specifics you asked about, but even if they exist, people live in one city and work in the other.
I'm not sure what racial integration refers to by they way. I live in Raleigh. My neighborhood has black people and white people, I've noticed the same thing at work.
I don't have kids, but I think it would be fair to say that the biggest perceived difference between Raleigh (Wake county) and Durham (Durham county) is the quality of the school system.
@muvonga: When I refer to racial integration, I mean that races actually live amongst each other in the same neighborhoods. In Westfield, there are a few noted "black sections" that are very dissimilar from the rest of the town. Therefore, the "diversity" aspect of, at least North Jersey, is VERY overblown.
@Jkgourmet: interesting comment. Currently researching which Durham high schools would be best for my siblings if we were to move next year (or even the year after).
Don't forget the emotional stress of such change. Your father came from another country and endured a difficult adjustment. I can see why he'd be reluctant to change all that he knows and uproot again. All the logic and data in the world isn't going to change how he feels. You have to change your approach.
Put him in the car, and bring him down here to see for himself. It's nice, but it isn't so different that it will scare him.
Don't forget the emotional stress of such change. Your father came from another country and endured a difficult adjustment. I can see why he'd be reluctant to change all that he knows and uproot again. All the logic and data in the world isn't going to change how he feels. You have to change your approach.
Put him in the car, and bring him down here to see for himself. It's nice, but it isn't so different that it will scare him.
Very good point raised. My dad has lived in NJ since the early '90s, bringing my mom along for the ride from Brooklyn a few years later (and eventually marrying her), raised his kids here, and had very high highs mixed in with demoralizing lows. Even if it becomes apparent that moving to NC, or at least leaving NJ, would be more logical for most of the family, my dad still might have his own trepidation about it. Having him see Durham, Raleigh, Wilmington, etc. would really convince him, I feel. Though, that is why I am speaking with my mom first.
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
9,779 posts, read 15,790,796 times
Reputation: 10886
I think no matter what, if your dad is not on board with such a move, it will not be successful. There are many people who do not want to move from a place they know and love, even if it currently isn't meeting their needs. My sister has a friend in Philadelphia whose husband's job was being moved to the Charlotte area. They agreed to go down and check out Charlotte, but even before going, the wife confided in my sister that there was no way she was leaving Philadelphia. That's where her family was, it's where she grew up, and she wasn't going to leave. And they didn't. Some people just do not want to move.
It sounds like your dad isn't keen on leaving. Bring him down, let him check out the place, and go from there. He (and you) will know from his visit whether he is on board with moving here or not.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
